Hope Rides Alone

What a year 2025 was. Horrible politics. Money stress. My mother broke her leg. My cat got sick. My grandmother died. My cat died. I got full-time employment again. I tried to treat my mysterious skin issues. I ran D&D at conventions for total strangers and had a great time. I had a health scare and got on new meds to treat it, and it worked. I adopted two kittens. I helped my mother move halfway across the country to live in the same city as me. I got better at communicating with my girlfriend. 

My resolutions for 2025 were: 
1) Restart therapy
2) Cooking lessons so I can cook dinner for my girlfriend more often
3) Go to the park/somewhere in nature alone regularly
4) Work on scripts, finish 2 by end of year
5) Find a hobby separate from my girlfriend
6) Connect with friends more often

1) I did for a while, and that was especially helpful through the first half of the year
2) This fell apart, due to a combination of things outside our control, me realizing the friend I'd hoped could teach me wasn't clicking as a teacher personally, and my own anxieties and avoidance. I did get pretty good at cooking twice a week for my girlfriend most weeks. 
3) This didn't happen. I got out to kayak but not enough, and not alone. 
4) This didn't happen. 
5) This didn't happen.
6) This did happen, I watched tv shows with friends online, played more games in person and online, and put myself out there more. I didn't keep up with some friends as much as I would have liked to. 



My 2026 Resolutions Are: 
1) Learn to cook 20 recipes.
2) Find some kind of regular movement thing I can do consistently (swimming, dancing, swordfighting, martial art, generic exercise, walking in the park) once a week ideally.
3) Attend at least 3 conventions. 
4) Get into making mocktails and cocktails (get supplies, make list, learn to make 10 different ones.)
5) Establish regular painting hangouts with friends to work on my Warhammer miniatures. 
6) Watch at least 52 movies.

2024 was ... not great for me at times.

First, my job got increasingly more and more stressful. My bosses jerked me around, messed with my head, and then ultimately let me and several other employees go in the summer due to the dip in business. I'd worked there for nine years. Nine. Years. I got the job right out of college.
I knew I had to leave that job. I knew it was bad for my mental health. I saw others leave. I was the longest-term employee by the end. But I couldn't find my way out. This was probably for the best, but it still hurts. I let that job define me for so long.  

Unemployment was not great. I needed time to recover from burnout but increasingly worried about money. I landed a part-time job that has been weirdly wonderful for my mental health. I have to go in to an office again, but it's not bad. It feels good to be able to leave work when I clock out, it doesn't follow me. I still have nightmares about my old job and my old bosses. I'm grappling with a lot of shame about my career, leaving LA, figuring out who I even am after so many years being invested in the entertainment industry. 

I took care of a lot of health issues I'd been putting off or hadn't realized were so bad. I was in dire need of Vitamin D. I took physical therapy for issues with my foot and lower back and saw strong improvements. I had severe sleep apnea and didn't realize until my sleepiness during the day was starting to worry me, so now I sleep with a mask. I don't need naps most days anymore! I have more energy. I can wake up more easily in the morning.  

My girlfriend and I got into two big hobbies this year: kayaking and Warhammer. Fortunately my girlfriend already had a lot of gear for kayaking. Getting out into nature was wonderful for me! I got stronger and my endurance improved. Warhammer is an expensive hobby, but we're finding ways to cut costs, finding good deals, buying used, and learning about crafting terrain with junk. 

I wrote more. I made new friends. I dived into new and old fandoms. 

The politics ... well that was horrible. Absolutely horrible. I'm worried. Will we have to move, for our own safety? Will I be able to get married someday? Friends are talking about even leaving the country entirely. 

All in all I'm glad to see 2024 go. It was a tough year. Some good stuff, but plenty I'm happy to be moving away from. 


My Resolutions for 2024 were:

1) Run more games, including some in person
2) Cook more meals
3) Find something active to do consistently (i.e. walking, martial arts, dancing)
4) Paint minis
5) Finish a script

1) I did run some games, but only one was in person
2) I did some of this, but not nearly enough
3) I succeeded in this, kayaking a ton over the summer and fall
4) I started airbrushing because I got into Warhammer in a big way in the second half of the year
5) I didn't do this




My Resolutions for 2025 are:

1) Restart therapy 
2) Cooking lessons so I can cook dinner for my girlfriend more often
3) Go to the park/somewhere in nature alone regularly 
4) Work on scripts, finish 2 by end of year
5) Find a hobby separate from my girlfriend 
6) Connect with friends more often 

2023 was the year I left LA after about 8 years. It was a major life change. I loaded up my stuff into a shipping crate (U-Pack is the best for long distance moves) stuffed my car to capacity, and got sedatives for my cat Luna. I said goodbye to my first ever local game store, many friends, and the Pacific Ocean. I said goodbye to the worst traffic and the best fresh fruit I've experienced in my life. I embarked on a journey with my poor cat in the backseat, heading for Indianapolis and my girlfriend. 

Living with my girlfriend has been wonderful! I've missed being domestic with a partner, and it feels right to be doing that again. Communication issues are to be expected, and we're working through them. Most of our problems seem to come down to "I care you!" "I care YOU!" and struggling to communicate that to the other person properly. 

Being in a house with one person, after sharing apartments with friends for the past 8 years (12 years if we go back through college) has been strange. While I appreciate my privacy at times, I really miss the convenience of living with other people. I miss the companionship. It's too easy to get stuck staying at home, too tired and daunted by the prospect of leaving the house to make a move. 

Some especially stressful things happened this year. I sought a new therapist with difficulty in the new health care system. I miss my LA therapist very much, but I think the new one will be ok for now. I'm working on making peace with certain things I can't control, and being supportive to the people I love as best I can. 

Some habits have changed that I'm ok with (weed usage), some have changed that I'd like to change back (TV watching time), and some I'm still figuring out (playing Baldur's Gate 3, my first major video game ever.)

A lot happened this year, but I got through it all. Huge life changes happened and overall I've rolled with them. And now, here comes 2024 ... 



( Resolutions )

1) This did not happen.

2) This did happen! I joined a class, painted some paintings, and had a grand time.

3) This didn't really happen. I did run a Lasers & Feelings hack at one point, but that's about it. I let my D&D games fall by the wayside during the year. 

4) This happened! I read a few books, all good, and have added some very cool ones to my shelf to read in the future. More outings means more time to read in the parking lot! 

5) This was a roaring success! I grew massive tomato plants, a surprisingly productive cucumber plant, and some herbs. For 3-4 months I didn't need to buy any tomatoes, I could just pick them from the garden. I hadn't grown stuff in this way since I was a kid in school so this was very exciting for me. 

6) This did not happen. The move was a lot, settling was a lot, some personal stuff happened later in the year. It's easy to get stuck in a rut, and I got stuck. That's ok though. 


~*~

My Resolutions for 2024 are: 

1) Run more games, including some in person

2) Cook more meals

3) Find something active to do consistently (i.e. walking, martial arts, dancing)

4) Paint minis 

5) Finish a script