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aunt_zeldaPreviously on Doctor Who:
I squeed about Mark Sheppard, Eleven was awesome, I ranted about Amy because I can’t sort out my feelings about her as I believe she’s written very inconstantly, Rory was adorable, there were some seriously creepy fucking monsters called the Silence oh dear god they were freaky, Amy is pregnant and not-pregnant at once (has her womb become unstuck in time or something?) and I got excited for the PIRATES THIS EPISODE ZOMG PIRATES!!!
Onto the show!
Some pirates row towards a ship at night. There are mystic-looking things hung around the ship in the rigging, like dream catchers and bits of feathers and herbs and stuff. Some pirates on deck discuss some guy getting hurt, to which a more authoritative pirate says “wake him” and we cut to them telling the captain that some guy slipped and hurt his hand and might not survive. The Captain, who looks a bit like a slimmer version of Brian Blessed and wears a spiffy maroon coat I want, takes the wounded sailor’s hand and says “You’re a dead man, McGrath, same as all the others” because there’s a tiny cut on the guy’s hand and a black spot on his palm. The eerie singing of a lady starts. McGrath panics and tries to flee, running up on deck. One of the pirates yells for McGrath not to listen, because “the siren is a-calling!” but he doesn’t heed the warning. The Captain locks the door and hangs a medallion on the doorknob, which depicts a mermaid of sorts. We hear McGrath scream.
Creepy. (Well, you have my attention, episode, you’d better deliver the goods!)
The pirates and Captain go up on deck and find McGrath’s discarded pistol, but nothing else. He says “Same as all the others. No sign of a struggle. No bones or blood.” He’s so calm and collected about all of this … I like this guy already. One of the pirates says “We're shark bait, every single one of us. Stuck on the ocean, waiting until the wind changes.” Ah, so they’re trapped in the doldrums. That’s a really bad time to be beset by a monster. (What, I was a pirate/sailor/maritime/Golden Age of Piracy geek as a tween, weren’t we all at some point?) They hear a banging from under a hatch and open it, thinking it’s “the creature” but find Amy, Eleven, and Rory. Eleven says “Yo ho ho!” hopefully and grins, before looking concerned and asking “Or does nobody actually say that?” Rory cutely waves at the scared pirates pointing flintlock pistols at them.
Oh, I’m gonna like this episode, aren’t I?
Theme song! *TARDIS dance*
The TARDIS is parked belowdecks. The crew know. The Captain is interrogating the Trio. Eleven is finding that his usual form of technobabble and grinning aren’t working with Captain “Beardiness” and Co. I’m busy laughing at the delightful awkwardness of the scene. The Captain pulls his pistol on Eleven and says “you’re stowaways! Only explanation!” He says they deserve “hospitality” by which he means they jumpcut to Eleven perched on the end of a plank. LOL! LOL! LOL! (Does it make me a horrible person that I’m enjoying this whole situation waaaaaaay too much? If so, I don’t care.) Eleven doesn’t seem too bothered and is preparing to dive. Amy gets manhandled belowdecks and called a “doxie,” which Rory protests. (There’s a nice moment between Rory and Amy there too, see, I do like them as a couple when they’re written like that, adorable and a little snarky.) I’m amazed that they got that word past the censors, but I’ve suspected that the censors in Britain take sleepytimes during their screenings of Doctor Who for a while now.
Eleven says “If this is just because I'm a captain too, you shouldn't feel threatened! Your ship is much bigger than mine. And I don't have the cool boots. Or a hat, even.” Ahahahahahahahahaaa … stop trying to flirt your way out of this, Eleven, you’ve found the only ship of Purely Heterosexual Pirates in the universe. Eleven urges the pirates to laugh more, which they do. Rory joins in, face twisting in anguish and terror. Oh, how do I love thee, British Xander, let me count the ways …
Belowdecks, Amy finds a chest of cutlasses. YAAAAAAAAAAY! She picks one up and looks a little shocked at the weight and sharpness and I’m in love because she’s a hot redhead with a sword. She spots a coat and hat and has an idea bulb.
Up on deck, Eleven asks where the rest of the crew is, as this is a big ship and all. Then he holds his nose (preparing to dive and all) and says he suspects they’re all hiding and waiting to jump out and say “boo!” So Amy comes up on deck, wearing the AWESOME jacket and hat and brandishing the sword, and gets the Captain to drop his gun. Then she says “The rest of you, on your knees.” (*purrs* As you wish, m’dear … *swoons*) Eleven’s all “what are you doing?” and Amy’s all “Saving your life!” and yaaaaay for role-reversal! She then proceeds to fight the pirates, and it’s actually pretty cool, she’s doing well … but a part of that is the fact that the pirates don’t want any bloodshed. During the fight Rory struggles to break out of the grasp of a big burly pirate and the Captain slams Eleven against the rigging and I squee a little inside. Amy swings around on a rope and eventually slices one of the pirates. Everyone freezes and the pirate says “you have killed me.” In another struggle Rory gets sliced as well and a black spot appears on his palm. He immediately asks the Doctor what’s going on. The Captain tells a confused Amy that blood makes the demon rise from the ocean. Eleven grins “Groovy! So not just pirates today, we've managed to bag a ship where there's a demon popping in.” Oh Eleven, you’re just so in love with the world and every little thing, I can’t get enough of you. He examines Rory’s hand and says it’s “very efficient” that if something’s going to kill a person, “it’s nice that it drops you a note.” Hee. I mean, that’s not funny, these guys’ crewmembers have died horribly.
The singing starts again. Rory tells the Doctor they should get back to the TARDIS … and then he gets all loopy. Basically he and the other crewmember who got cut start acting vaguely high. He grins at Amy and says “I love your get up. That's great. You should dress as a pirate more often. Cuddle me, shipmate!” Awwwwww! He reminds me of the time most of my friends on my floor at college got high one night, and I felt like I was the only not-high person on the floor.
The water glows light greenish and a special effect shoots up out of it. Then a lady in a dress, glowing lightish green, floats down on deck, singing. She’s … pretty, I guess. Kinda too … I dunno, something about her forehead and nose and stuff … not doing it for me. Nice voice, though. Truth me told, all I could think about was the goddess of the moon in the third Zenon movie … um, because probably none of you got that really embarrassing reference, here’s a youtube linky (start at 4:30 or so) and let’s not speak of that ever again.
She lures the sliced pirate and he turns to dust. Screamy dust. Rory tries to go to her and Amy pushes him away saying “Sorry, he’s taken!” and getting blasted back by the AngryRED!Siren for her troubles. The Siren turns back to green and pretty and tries to lure Rory some more, but Eleven grabs him and they all go belowdecks. The pirates explain that it’s a Siren, she’s been after them ever since they were becalmed and she picks off the injured, “like a shark, a shark can smell blood” and Eleven cheerfully trills “OK. Just like a shark. In a dress. And singing. And green. A green singing shark in an evening gown.” Hee hee hee. ILU Eleven. The Captain remembers that Eleven called the TARDIS his ship, and so he points his pistol at Eleven and demands that he “make it sail.” Did I mention that I like this guy? Because I do! Eleven says “And the gun's back! You're big on the gun thing aren't you? Freud would say you're compensating. Have you ever met Freud? No?” then he moans “Comfy sofa.” Annnnnnnnd I really wanna write Freud/Doctor fic now. (Gah, too many crack pairings!) There are leeches in the bilge water they’re standing in, and one guy gets bit and bleeds and a spot appears on his hand. The Siren appears and lures him in. They flee. Eleven figures out that she’s using the water like a portal and says they need to get somewhere with no water. Amy snarks “Well, thank God we're not in the middle of the ocean!” while trying to hold onto a squirming Rory. Eleven is now wearing a pirate hat, and still thinks that the Captain is intimidated by him also being a captain and hee hee hee. They head for the powder room.
But somebody’s been hiding in the powder room! A little kid! The Captain’s son, in fact! The Captain didn’t know the kid was there. Apparently the kid’s mom died last winter from fever, and the Captain didn’t know until now. The kid thought he was in the Navy and came to join the crew. The Captain says it’s dangerous here and … utto, the kid has the black spot! Nooooooooo! He’s also got a nasty cough. But no scars: the Siren doesn’t just come for wounded, she comes for the sick. Eleven proposes he and the Captain go fetch the TARDIS. The son opens a water barrel and I jump because the Siren’s hand comes up out of it and she screams and I yelp in terror because that was a damn good jump scare. Eleven crams the lid back down. He and the Captain prepare to leave, the Captain hanging the amulet around the kid’s neck. Eleven says they have to go now, “She's out there now, licking her lips, boiling a saucepan, grating cheese.” Eleven, you are way too into this whole mess.
Rory and Amy have this exchange now that Rory is no longer high:
Rory: What's wrong?
Amy: The most beautiful thing you've ever seen? *what he said about the Siren*
Rory: Oh, tell me I didn't really say that.
Awwwwww! I love these two when they’re actually acting nice and loving towards each other! I don’t love it when she dismisses him and he lets her walk all over him and ignore him. I love it when they hug and tease each other and joke about stuff and are generally adorable.
Oh, and the last two pirates are trying to leave.
Eleven and the Captain get to the TARDIS … safely. Well, that was a surprise! The Captain likes the TARDIS. He can identify a number of the instruments on the console. “Wheel. Telescope. Astrolabe. Compass. A ship's a ship.” Eleven likes this. New Companion? Please?
The son (Toby) doesn’t get that his dad isn’t a Naval Captain and tries to berate the pirates for disobeying his order to wait. One pirate gleefully tells the kid that his dad is a pirate and has gunned down “a thousand innocent men.” What a bastard, this pirate. Hope he dies next!
During this exchange he says that “We sail under the black flag. The Jolly Roger.” Which causes my inner geek to say “actually, the Jolly Roger was probably named for the French phrase “jolie rouge” which means “pretty red” which referred to a red flag flown that meant no quarter would be given in a fight and was intended to scare people into surrendering, which is what pirate flags were for.” Because this is what I was reading about when I was 10.
Anyhoodle, Eleven can’t get the TARDIS working. This exchange happens:
Eleven: It's stuck. Not responding.
Captain: Becalmed? *smirk*
Eleven: Mm-hm. Apparently. That's new. You had to gloat, didn't you?
Captain: I'm not gloating!
Eleven: I saw that look just now. “Ha-ha his ship is rubbish!”
Captain: *shrugging* True.
Can the Captain be a new Companion? Seriously, I love this guy! He cares about his crew, his kid, he believes in magic and curses, he’s a pirate, and he has a great rapport going with the Doctor! This guy is great!
Toby (the kid) pulls a cutlass on the Mean Pirate and slices his hand. Toby is kind of a bastard too. He knew what he was doing, and what was Mean Pirate’s crime? Trying to flee for his life from a cursed ship and a monster that killed loads of his crewmates, and telling a kid a horrible truth.
He stays, terrified, while the other pirate flees.
Eleven says that the TARDIS is “sulking” because it can’t find any space to lock onto. The Captain says “I’m confused.” Eleven responds with “It's a big club. We should get T-shirts.” Lol! Then the TARDIS starts to go haywire and Eleven describes it as “full-on screaming tantrum!” Eleven is out of ideas.
Eleven: Well, we could try stroking her and singing her a song!
Captain: Will that help?
Eleven: Hard to say, never has before!
Unfortunately, we do not get to see/hear Eleven and the Captain singing a 17th Century Sea Shanty to calm the TARDIS down, but that’s what fanfic is for. They “abandon ship” and the TARDIS takes off without them! WOW! Eleven looks shocked. I notice that the TARDIS doesn’t really vworp and sort of melts in greenish-white light like the Siren’s special effects. Hmmmmm.
The Captain says “Not much of a Captain without a ship, are you?” and now everyone’s going to want to write Jack Sparrow/Eleven fanfic, aren’t they? Oh, gods, that’d be DELICIOUS … *faints*
They run into the other pirate, who’s escaping, laden with treasure. He hides in a room, and gets Siren’d. But there’s no water in that room, the Captain and Eleven discover! Eleven says “Please ignore all my theories up until this point!” and the Captain snarks “What, again?!” in exasperation and I really really love this guy. Eleven figures out that it was still water, and reflective surfaces! Ooooooo! (Great, as if I needed more reason than the Dresden Files to turn my mirrors to the wall at night.)
Eleven: The siren legend. The curse!
The Captain: You said curses weren't real.
Eleven: Folklore springs from truth. She attacks ships filled with treasure. Where else do you get a perfect reflection?
The Captain: Polished metal!
Utto … Toby has that amulet … which has reflective surfaces! Knew that’s come up again somehow! They run to warn the others. They grab the medallion just in time and throw it out the window. Eleven starts smashing the windows and even a mirror, stopping to say “Oh, yes, yes, I know I know. Very bad luck to break it. But look at it this way, there's a stroppy homicidal mermaid trying to kill all!” The Captain nods, “How much worse can it get?” and for once that isn’t a cue for something bad to happen. Eleven says they need to pitch the treasure over the side too. The Captain tries to stop him, saying “This is the the treasure of the Mogul of India!” and Eleven snarks “Oh, good. For a moment there I thought it was yours!” The Captain hesitates and says seriously “Doctor, must we do this?” and Eleven reminds him that they need to, to save Rory and Toby. That makes the Captain do it.
Then they tell the others how they need to hide because the sea is still calm, like a mirror, but once the wind picks up they’ll be fine. Also, the TARDIS has “been towed.”
Toby and his dad talk while Rory and Amy sleep, cuddled next to each other. Awwwww. Toby asks why his dad turned pirate, and the Captain doesn’t tell him. He goes up on deck to talk with Eleven. Amy hears a woman say “It's fine. You're doing fine. Just stay calm.” She wakes up and sees a smirking woman with an eye-patch through a panel in the wall that closes, as if it were never there. WTF?
Eleven and the Captain (whose name is Henry Avery) talk. Eleven hints “I've travelled far, like you. Space can be very lonely. The greatest adventure is having someone share it with you.” Avery says he’ll take Toby back to England after all this, as he’s not the dad Toby needs.
Eleven: Who are you, Henry Avery? Respected naval officer, wife and child at home. How did you end up here, wandering the oceans with a band of rogues?
Avery: I've set my course now. Nothing I can do to alter it.
Eleven: People stared at it for centuries and never knew. Things can suddenly change, when you're least expecting.
Ooooooo! I do so love these two, they’re great characters interacting in very natural, interesting, great ways.
A storm comes! Avery shouts orders at Amy and Rory that they hilariously can’t understand.
Amy: I swear he's making half this stuff up!
Rory: What we really need is some sort of phrase book!
Turns out that Avery (of course) hid the crown instead of pitching it. The Siren appears and lures Toby. Then she kills Toby. … wow. I didn’t think they’d go through with that, killing a child. That’s a big deal. I really hope he comes back in the end. Can’t really be sure, though. This episode has been all about subverting and inverting and twisting my expectations, and for that I applaud it … Toby getting killed is still damn tragic, though. *wibble*
Eleven berates Avery for his greed, assuming that “the gold” is why he turned pirate. Um, dude, maybe he hid the crown because he wanted to have something to support his kid with now that his crew is all dead and the kid has no mom to go home to. Maybe he turned pirate for any number of reasons, the Navy could have gotten into a fight and lost and he was offered to join or die, or maybe join or “not join” and the Navy had been awful to him (the Navy was pretty awful) and pirates were pretty democratic as opposed to the Navy which was dictated by class and blood and stuff, and Avery isn’t exactly high-class and pirating was a good way to rise in the ranks and get more money, or he was shanghaied, or any number of possibilities.
Rory gets knocked over the side. Eleven stops Amy from diving after him, and sets the Siren loose to go fetch Rory. Then he says they all need to prick their fingers and get taken by the Siren because the others might still be alive somewhere and the Siren is intelligent, maybe they can reason with it. This is a stupid plan but there’s less than 15 minutes left of the episode so it’ll probably work.
They get zapped … and then things get kinda confusing to explain.
See, they’re on an alien ship, also becalmed … which is on the same plane as their ship. It’s got dead aliens on it and a distress signal going. The Siren was a stowaway, just like them. Also, alien sneeze, eeeeew!
Ok, so the crew and Toby and Rory are in a weird empty room on cots hanging from the ceiling, being healed, and the black spots are tissue samples. The Siren comes back, her singing hypnotizes people into sleep, Avery shoots at her and she gets mad, Eleven figures out that she’s a virtual doctor, the sick bay has had nothing to do as the crew on the alien ship is dead so they’ve been taking the humans from the other plane and I’m sorry this doesn’t make sense transcribed the episode makes sense pretty well, trust me.
Amy sings a consent form kind of and the Siren vanishes. Turns out if they take Rory off the support system he’s back to drowning, on the point of death. They wake him up and he tells Amy that she’ll have to resuscitate him. Amy’s appropriately freaked out, what if she can’t save him, but Rory is pretty calm about this and has faith in her. I love these two in this episode.
Avery is going to stay, because Toby will die otherwise (Typhoid Fever … yeek) auuuuuuuuuuwwwww …
Rory tells Amy “I know you can do this. Of course if you muck it up I am going to be really cross. And dead.” Amy says she’ll see him in a minute. Awwwwww! I can’t get enough of these two in this episode!
They grab Rory and go into the TARDIS. Amy does CPR and it’s really tense and tearful and scary and for a minute it looks like it isn’t working and JESUS can we go for TWO EPISODES and not have Rory DIE for once? It’s doing a number on my nerves, let me tell ya …
Of course he doesn’t die, he comes back, and the music swells and Eleven looks like he just about had a heart attack and Amy and Rory huggle and I slump with relief and almost tear up.
Then we get the best ten second clip EVER> Avery pilots the alien ship with Toby (breathing apparatus at his throat) sits beside him, smiling. Avery smiles back. Space looms before them, shiny and exciting. Vaguely Pirate-y music plays, and the Crew show up behind them, looking out the windows in awe. BADASS!!! *punches the air with delight* And then they proceeded to have awesome adventures IN SPACE and the soundtrack was steampunky and made of awesomesauce.
Back on the TARDIS, Rory and Amy head off to where I presume their bedroom is:
Amy: I thought I was an excellent pirate.
Rory: I thought you were an excellent nurse.
Amy: Easy tiger. *giggles*
Annnnnnd the fanfics just write themselves, folks!
Eleven worries for Amy (presumably because of the not-pregnancy), Amy worries for him because of the freaky death from last time, and Rory whispers to her that she can’t tell him, as it’s his future and all, and she says she knows, and they head off to bed. Eleven looks at the confused scanner, which says Amy is pregnant and no-pregnant at the same time.
Really, there’s a simple test for that, and I’m not even talking a test you buy at the Rite Aid. Is she having periods … or is she not? Come on, guys, you can talk about pregnancy in a “kid’s show” but not periods? WTF?
Next Episode!
Gleeful Eleven’s GOT MAIL … in a glowing boxy thing … and there’s “another living Time Lord out there!” (but my friends spoiled me that the Master doesn’t show up this season … Boooooo! Unless it’s him or the Rani, I’m not interested. Yes, I know that’s selfish, but … look over there, a purple moose!)
Um … I’m a bit confused here, there’s mind control I think, lots of shadows, people who look like extras from Sweeney Todd, a snarky older woman (I think I’ve been spoiled about who SHE is but we’ll find out soon enough) a creepy sexy man’s voice asking “Why shouldn’t I just kill you now?” and doors shutting and an old man and tense music and a long fall and green lighting and dark shadows and OMG OOD!
… The next episode? It’s the one written by NEIL GAIMAN! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!eleven!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
