What aunt_zelda Thinks: True Blood, Pilot
Sep. 12th, 2008 03:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aunt_zeldaHooRAA!
I mean, I was initially curious at first. I read the back of the first book once (and dismissed it) and vampires + HB0 + NPR interview with the creator = oooooooooooo ... but for me, really, it was the theme song that did me in.
Good news, folks! My head isn't groggy, my insides aren't giggly, and my spirit is ... doing ok, all things considered. And I seem to have retained my snark! Yay!
We begin with a college-age girl driving and giving a college-age boy beside her a handjob. Classy.
They see a sign for 'Tru blood' and I snicker about the show Tru Calling because Dollhouse has been in the back of my head today. Anyhoodle, inside the convienince store the ... ?proprieter? is wearing all this leather and skull rings and an ankh (I think it was an ankh) and pretends to be a vampire and scares the college-kids with a pseudo-Romanian accent. During this he says New Orleans is "like Mecca" for vampires.
That point doesn't make much sense to me. Theoretically, if vampires came out of the closet/coffin (hardy har har, let's play with metaphors, children) I'd think they'd AVOID New Orleans for three reasons:
1) The hurricanes, man. Too much work for the undead, and besides, your neighbors would get jealous that YOU could stay during evacuations and just sit underwater at your coffee table.
2) the murder-rates. People would always suspect the vampire.
3) Anne Rice. I'd think vampires would view the whole Interview with a Vampire thing as cheesy and annoying and avoid New Orleans like the plague. Except perhaps tacky vampire tourists who'd come and snap pictures and bring home slides to their friends.
Anyhoodle, back to our story. A hick who was eyeing the beer (and Tru/True Blood) in the back comes up and says he isn't amused by the 'joke.' The college boy uses the f-word, the Hick says "I'll fuck you up boy!"SQUEE! We're not even five minute in and men are propositioning each other! "... and then I'll eat you" and the Hick unshinks his fangs. The kids flee, the proprieter looks scared, the Hick thunks a ... ?six-pack? of True Blood onto the counter and, fangs still out, says if the proprieter impersonates a vampire again the Hick will kill him, and then the Hick pays and chirps "Have a nice day, now!"
That was SO BADASS. *grins*
THEME SONG! *dances*
Hey, look everybody, it's Rouge! In this show, she's like a blond, female Matt Parkman, minus the boringness. Her hair color is worth mentioning: it's that natural-looking shade that women envy and I had for all of five minutes between my white-blond-elf-hair stage and my whatever-the-fuck-this-golden-browny-orange-shade-is.
We stop into the Work Bench ... sorry, I mean, one of those fake-TV-Walmarts. A HUGE (tall AND kinda fat) woman with auburn hair and a purple suitwho let the Harry Potter extras wander onto neighboring sets? asking a sassy black woman (*sigh*) if they have that big plastic wrap that serial killers wrap up dead bodies with ... oh, I'm sorry, I mean, "hang in walk-in freezers." Yeah, nice try, lady, I suspected you from the start. Try Miami, Dexter's sure to have a surplus!
Anyway, the gist of the scene is that Sassy Black Lady turns into Snappish Slapping Black Lady and does nothing to ameliorate the general bitchiness that is humanity. She calls it racism, I call it 'feeble attempt at a gateway character.'
Oh, look, Slapping Black Lady is friends with Sookie (sorry, I have to take a minute to laugh at the name. I'm sorry, it's the Yankee in me, but ... who names their child 'Sookie?' Sadist parents, that's who.)
The Ratriders (I know that's not their real name but I'll be damned if I'll spell it right) are sitting in Sookie's section. Mr. RatPerv eyes Sookie up and down and has gross thoughts about her, despite the fact that she looks to be about twelve and he's already GOT a skank on his arm, thank you very much. Mrs. RatSkank and her ginormous clevage liken Sookie to a dog that keeps coming back for more. I notice that Mrs. RatSkank has more lipstick on than Faith, which is always a bad sign.
In a short, possibly pointless aside, Ginger-Haired Waitress is having trouble with her youngish-son. She reminds me of one of the waitresses in The Waitress ... or one of the waitresses from the Burnt Toast Diner.
Sookie places the Rats' order with the cook, a black man with one of those ... ?do-rags? on his head. For a second I think he's going to be the show's comic relief, but then says Sookie looks like a porn star with her pink lipstick. Buwuh? I think she looks like Rouge with her hair dyed blond and pulled back. (I couldn't entertain sexual thoughts about this girl if she came onscreen wearing Princess Leia's gold bikini.) Roukie says she gets better tips with makeup on. This greatly amuses the Cook. Then the waitresses huddle up and start nasty-talking with the Cook (whose name is 'Lafayete' and no, I can't spell that correctly), who gets good-points for being the first on the show to bring up gays and bisexuals. Roukie looks traumatized by all the sex-talk, like a little girl thrust into a room full of horny teenagers. She's the shortest person there and the only blond, adding to her general look of 'innocence.' I cannot believe she's going to be getting it on with a vampire.
Speaking of sex, we zip to yet another scene, with a red-haired woman being ... ahem ... pleasured by a younger-looking man on a couch. He finds a bite mark on her thigh and deduces that she had sex with a vampire once. She admits that she did because she was broke and a vampire (guy) paid her a thousand dollars to bite her. Sounds like a sweet deal. She says the sex was too rough for her but admits she likes it rough, which makes the guy smile. She says she taped the sex with the vampire and asks if he wants to watch, and he tosses aside his pants. He sounds a tad too excited by the prospect of vampire-sex, if you ask me. I hope he does it with a male vampire.
Roukie and her friend, Slapping Black Lady, talk a bit about how Slapping Black Lady can't keep a job. The boss/bartender sidles up and asks if there's anything he can do to make Roukie's night better when she says it isn't going to hot. She looks kinda stunned, he looks kinda embaressed and all "I didn't mean it like THAT" ... or at least I HOPE he didn't because he looks old enough to be Roukie's father.
Then a guy who's probably old enough to Roukie's Great-Grandfather enters the bar/pub/dive. (I hope that he's going to be providing us with numerous slashy flashbacks complete with long coats.) Roukie smiles a fangirl smile and the vampire looks handsomely gaunt. My first impression of him is that he's the brooding "deathdeathDEATH" type of vampire instead of the sex-fiendy vampire, so I dunno why Roukie's all excited about this newcomer unless she's into brooding anti-heroes, which ... wait a minute ... never mind, she can fangirl squee all she wants. I'm not gonna throw stones at my glass house.
Roukie squees to her friend and boss about how she thinks the town's gotten its first vampire. The boss says he thinks she's right. I'm surprised that the friend didn't point out that the aledged 'vampire' looks a helluva a lot like a depressed heroin addict because that's what I'd think if I saw this guy in real life. Give that boy a hunter's breakfast, he's wasting away as we speak!
Roukie practically skips over to take the vampire's order. They don't have any synthetic blood, and she hisses that he's their "first ... vampire" and she whispers the last bit. He asks if he's that obvious, Roukie says she knew the minute he walked in and is surprised that no one else is noticing. He points out the the boss is noticing, and he's watching Roukie and the vampire, but not in a leering 'touch her and DIE, bloodsucker!' way or a 'wonder if I can get into her pants' way or 'wonder if I can get into his pants' way, just a casual 'oooo, vampire, interesting ...' way. Roukie tells the vampire that she knows for a fact that Sam supports the Vampire Rights Ammendmant. The vampire half-laughs "how progressive of him." Up close, he looks less gaunt and more ... I dunno, cute in a mysterious, charming way. Roukie agrees to bring him a glass of red wine and then flees from the Rats. All through her exchange with the vampire, she was smiling and grinning and beaming like Ten was when he met Five.
Mr. Rat indrocudes himself and his wife, 'Denice.' "Hello" Mrs. RatSkankPerv practically drools at the vampire. "Evein'" the vampire says, dropping the 'g' to make us British-vampire fangirls happy. He turns his back on the Rats wearily.
Read-head and Curious-boy are watching the Vampire/Red-head porn, with Red-Head giving Curious-Boy head while he watches the vampire take her up the ass onscreen. Uh ... ew? That's one of the more obscene sentances I've typed in my life, and I write Doctor/Master smut!
Curious-boy pants, notices a chain on the ceiling, and pants some more. Did I mention that the vampire is making these disgusting noises, like the kind patients in dentist offices make when they're gagging? Not at all sexy. Not at ALL. The vampire's also got some tattoos on his back. This could be imporant later.
It must have been so awkward to audition for those parts. It must be awkard to audtion for ANY part that includes a sex-scene. I mean, if you're turned down, does that mean you're not good at sex? How would one ACT sex? Is that actual porn? Is that legal? My head hurts.
Back with Roukie in the bar/pub/dive. Mrs. RatSkankPerv is flashing her clevage about and slinging her arm around the vampire. The fact that Claire Bennet dyed her hair to become a waitress and Rouge dyed her hair to become a waitress is distracting me.
Roukie asks Terra if she really thinks that Mrs. RatSkank will let the vampire suck her blood. Terra asks Roukie if she knows how many people are having "vampire sex" these days. Ah, the analogy is killing me! I wonder how many people are having GAY vampire sex? I WOULD WATCH A SHOW ABOUT THAT TOO!
The Rats are trying to sell that they've been discriminated against because they never fit into society and they understand how the vampire feels. The vampire looks broodily disgusted by the way Mrs. RatSkank is pawing at him with her long skanky red nails of Satanic foreshadowing. On the subject of vampires-being-real-all-of-the-sudden-in-modern-times-whoohoo ... you'd think that gays and vampires would hang out more often and angst together.
Roukie 'hears' Mrs. RatSkank mentally tallying up how much blood the vampire's got in him and how much that'll sell for. She freaks and races off to find her friend, saying that they've gotta save the vampire. Her friend says they don't need to go anywhere near "that vampire" which is kinda a good point, seeing as he could be, ya know, EVIL or something. Roukie is disapointed in her friend and runs out of the bar/pub/dive because the Rats and the vampire are gone. Sam is hot on her heels, handing his apron to Terra and telling her to fake bartending.
Outside, Roukie grabs a chain from a nearby truck bed. Uh ... is that a southern thing, keeping chains in the back of your truck?
Red-head and husband (I guess) are semi-recreating the vampire/red-head porn. The chains are up, it's gross, she's into it, he goes from just into it to "you let a dead man fuck you?!" and begins to strangle her, video camera rolling and all. Eeeeeeeew!
The Rats are draining the vampire in the woods. Mrs. Rat is nervous about doing it in the open, Mr. Rat asks where they'd hide a vampire body in their trailer. (Hee hee.)
Then Roukie sneaks up and gets all badass. She half-strangles Mr. Rat with the chain and holds Mrs. Rat with a knife, calling her "backwoods trash." Roukie kickassly gets both Mr. AND Mrs. Rat to skulk off, then kneels down over the vampire. Apparently in this universe, silver handicapes vampires and leaves nasty welts on their skin. The vampire pants, looks up at Roukie like 'thank you thank you thank you!' and 'ugh, I almost died AGAIN my life SUCKS and is full of bad puns.' He heals from the silver-cuts, which, for some reason, makes Roukie say "Shut UP!" in that amazed way.
The Rats drive off and almost run Roukie and the vampire over. Mrs. Rat screams "I'll get you, BITCH!" Roukie drags the vampire out of the way really fast, which makes me giggle because either the vampire is uber-light after being drained, or his stunt-double is, because no way in HELL could a tiny girl like Roukie drag a guy taller and heavier than herself backwards THAT FAST unless she's endowed with Slayer powers.
Randomly, a dog with patches of fur the same color as Sam's hair runs up, barks at the vampire, and licks Roukie's ear. Then the random dog skedaddles off. I think it's Sam. I think that'd be funny.
Roukie says "I reckon you're not to happy about bein' rescued by a woman," channeling Anya Jenkins' tact.
"Thank you," he says, ducking his head. You hurt his MANLY UNDEAD PRIDE, Roukie, better come onto him!
Roukie obliges me and tries to hear the vampire's thoughts (clearly having never seen the Buffy episode 'Earshot') and exclaims "I can't hear you!" she crouches down and holds the vampire's head with her hands. It gets very romantic very fast. He asks "Aren't you scared to be out here alone with a hungry vampire?" Roukie says she isn't, and he says that vampires often turn on those who trust them, leaning forward in a squee-jerking way ... but Roukie's decided to be a tease as well as a Slayer and leaps up, pointing out that humans turn on those who trust them too. She picks up the silver chain and drapes it around her neck, saying she's not a total fool. (I haven't figured you out yet, Roukie, but you're definatley not a fool.)
He leeringly points out that she as other "juicy" arteries ... and that there's one in the groin that's a particular favorite of his. Eeeeeeeew! What is it with all these sex-crazed quacks? Are we watching Torchwood: Louisiana Unit?! (I don't know his deal. I THINK he's trying to scare her off so he can get back to brooding all by his lonesome, but I'm not sure.)
Roukie leaps up and says she doesn't care if he's a vampire, but when he talks to her he will treat her like the lady she is. You GO, girl! *punches the air*
He offers her the blood that the Rats drained, she declines, he says she could sell it, she declines that too. He leaps up and does that swifty-swift walk over to her and gets all intense. "What are you?" he breathes.
She stutteringly introduces herself and says she'sjust a cheerleader a waitress, sounding very scared, and not adding that she's a telepath too. She asks what his name is.
"Bill" he breathes intensley (hell, everything this guy does is intense and/or sexy and/or gritty), and with his accent I thought for a second it was "Belle" which would have made things OODLES more interesting. Roukie giggles about his comonplace name because she thought it'd be something more like Basil or Angelus or Spike. (I wouldn't be teasing people about their name, Sookie.) "Vampire Bill!" she sporfles, already anticipating the 'Kill Bill' jokes that fans will be making soon.
She goes back to being nervous-calm as they discuss silver. Roukie mentions werewolves (PLEASE GODS ABOVE?) and Bill says he'd appriciate it if Roukie didn't tell anybody about vampires' weakness (silver.)
Roukie says "See ya, Bill ... I've gotta get back to work." and flounces off, taking the chain off as she goes. Bill looks on after her bemusedly, remaining in the shadows as Roukie heads off towards a street-lamp, and the symbolism kills me.
Sam reluctantly gives Tara a job after she points out that she can keep an eye on Roukie for him, seeing as she's making bedroom-eyes at "that vampire" and all.
Roukie's brother enters, a blondish-boy who, it turns out, is the Curious-boy who was fucking the Red-head and ended up strangling her. GarOOOOOOSS!. He keeps his head down and shows no interest in Tera, leading me to conclude that a) he's scared of her b) he's gay or c) both. Then that slutty-Waitress sidles up and she and Jason hug/stoke each other and the jury's out on Jason's sexuality. It's clear that Tera has a crush on Jason, though. I don't blame her, but she might wanna tone down her additude if she wants to score pretty-boy. Slutty-waitress drops Jason and leaves, but he runs after her so we don't know if he scores or not. I hope not, because after this hetero lust-fest, I needs me some male subtext in the dirtiest way. Maybe Bill can tie Jason up with the silver chain!
Roukie arrives at home and is greeted by her grandmother, an awesome old lady with a cat on her lap and what looks like a romance novel in her hands. She sounds just as excited by the vampire as Roukie was when she first caught sight of him.
Roukie wakes up in bed, the aforementioned cat curled up beside her. My love for Roukie intensifies because when she gets up we see that she's wearing a huge t-shirt to bed, which is what I do. She stands in front of the window and sees Bill standing in her yard, doing one of the steryotypical things that vampires do: stalk beautiful girls at all hours of the night.
Roukie throws on a robe and slippers and skips down onto the yard. Bill magically appears behind her and begins unbuttoning his shirt. Roukie says she never expected to be having sex with him ... at least, not so fast. As she says this, she opens up her robe, and seductive music plays. "Who said anything about sex?" grits Bill, licking his fangs and snarling. Ok, the face is pretty, but the hairy chest is not.
Bill's hairy chest seems to scare Roukie as much as it scares me, because she wakes up from the ... dream? Nightmare? Wet-dream? Can women physically HAVE wet dreams? *shrugs*
Roukie flops down and suddenly we're in the next day, and Roukie is semi-sunbathing out on the lawn. Jason drives up and confronts her about attacking the Rats. Roukie explains that they were drainging a vampire, and he tells her she shouldn't be mixing with vampires. Since he's friends with a guy who went to the Rats for weed AND he probably killed a girl after watching a vampire porn, I don't think he's got the right to lecture about the company his sister is keeping. Roukie stands up to him (well, flops down to him, but still) and Jason asks if the vampire was bald or had tattoos. Up until this point, I thought he was completely different character from Curious-boy, so this bit really shocked me.
And, sure enough, Grandma gets off the phone and informs the blond siblings that 'Maudette' was found strangled to death in her apartment. Roukie is shocked, Jason says that it's no surprise seeing as they've got a vampire in town now and points out that 'fang bangers' go missing in cities all the time. Grandma, my favorite gateway character thus far, asks what a fang banger is and Roukie explains that they're humans who like to get bitten. Like high-class cutters. Jason gets kinda cagey and starts talking about hookers who specalize in vampires and have bodyguards in case the vampires "get too frisky." There's a story in that ... I wonder if, since Buffy activated all those potential slayers, some became fang banger guards.
Roukie runs up and puts her hands on either side of Jason's head and hears him thinking about how he "lost control" but nothing specific. Well, DAYUM! I thought she was going to take a few episodes to do that! And how come she needs physical contact for some people and just has to stand there other times?
Later that day, Jason is aproached by two policemen. No, not like that (regretably.) Jason tries to lie, but he's not that good at it. Turns out that the police have already seen the tape, and Jason didn't know that she was filming it. He hands over ditch-digging-command (or whatever) to someone else and heads off with the police.
Roukie's grandma comes into her room and asks her if she thinks that Bill's old enough to remember the Civil War, and, if so, he could come and speak to grandma's group at the library. Roukie says he'd probably have a hard time getting there at noon on a Thursday, and grandma mentally smacks herself on the head. She says they could have a special meeting, or interview him and tape it (hee hee!) she sort of fangirl squees with Roukie about the possibility of that, and if he'll come to the bar/pub/dive tonight.
I LOVE the grandma. If she dies, I will stop watching the show.
... of course, I don't really HAVE HBO, I'm watching it online, so my declaration doesn't carry any weight, does it? *sigh* Ah well, still love the grandma. She's going to end up instigating flashbacks, I'm certain of it!
Tera is bartending, sort of. A fatish hick man in overalls sits down at the bar and has only one line "Sorry, ma'am" which he directs at Tera. Awww, I feel bad for him. He doesn't seem the type to deserve mouthy, bitter women who have crushes on murdering speciesists. The Cook (I am NOT spelling out 'Lafayette' every damn time he comes onscreen) shows up and banters with Tera, eventually saying that Jason is "sex on a stick!" and dipping down as he says it. The look on the hick's face is priceless. The Cook then leans over the bar and says, VERY gayly, "How you doin'?" to the hick, who is rapidly gaining more and more of my sympathy-points, especially since he makes no homophobic comment, or any comment AT ALL, when Tera chastises the Cook for scaring the hick and the Cook says "he's too big to be scared ... I likes me a big man ..."
SO. MUCH. LOVE. FOR. SOUTHERN. CAPTAIN. JACK. HARKNESS!
Then there's a scene in which Roukie finds out that Jason was arrested, everyone else new before her, Jason's a jerk but no killer (baby girl, he killed Maudette just because she banged a vamp for money, imagine what he'd do to YOU if you bang Bill?) and she's PISSED that everyone thinks the worst AND assumes she's psychic. Of course, during this scene, all I'm thinking about is how Captain Lafayette Harkness is wearing a gorram KILT.
And then, Roukie sees Bill. She wakes towards him in slo-mo, with slow romantic music playing. He pulls out a chair for her (awww!) and she sits down, and everyone in the bar is thinking all these desparaging things about vampires and Roukie and Sam is thinking "I've got to protect her" and I wonder if he's her Watcher or summat ... but then Bill holds out his hand and Roukie takes it ... and her head is clear. All the voices are gone. Naaaaaaaw!
One little complaint: we're always so close up with these two when they're together. Can't we have some long-lense shots now and again?
The close-up shows us that the actress who plays Roukie has VERY evenly-placed teeth. Like, freakishly even. Somebody had braces when she was little!
Roukie's eyes do this little flutter thing when Bill says her name. I cannot get over how amazingly well CAST this show is.
Bill asks if he can call on her. Roukie blinks, and Bill explains "visit you, in your home." He says the line all embaressed, like he's just remembered he's not in the Victorian age anymore, but his eyes are doing this shadowy thing. Sometimes he's cute and I want to bring him home, but if you tilt your head he becomes something you bar your door against and COAT yourself in silver against. Roukie mentions a favor for her grandma and asks Bill if he could meet her out back when she gets off work.
Bill points out that everyone in the bar/pub/dive is staring at them ... and they are. It is creepy. Roukie says "Who cares what they think?" but Bill says he does because he plans to make "this town" his home. He stands up. In those twenty seconds, he and Roukie almost-kissed about fifteen times. JUST SEX IT UP ALREADY! IMPATIENT FANGIRL IS IMPATIENT!
Sam grabs Roukie and manhandles her into a room and yells at her for all her aledged death-wish, seeing as she attacked the Rats and set up "a date with a vampire." Dude, it's called 'adreniline rush.' People seem to like them. Roukie argues that judging an entire group because of the actions of a few is morally wrong, and he yells at her that the next time someone is attacked in the parking lot "call the police! Do not come off looking like a goddamn vigilante!" He's got a point, but seeing as she handled herself exceptionally for a pint-sized waitress, HE did not call the cops, and HE did not follow her (unless he was the 'stray dog') I'd say he's overreacting a bit much. Then Roukie starts to cry and Sam huggles her ... and the contact lets Roukie hear his thoughts. He really digs her, but not so much in a skeevy Mr. Rat way or an intrigued Bill way, more like a normal guy who really likes her and doesn't want to see her hurt or dead and likes to touch her. This really freaks Roukie, and then Tera bursts in and starts spouting off at Roukie about the Bill-thing. God, people, there's only the one vampire in town! An army of pissed off hicks could easily take skinny-McShortykins, aka Bill. Roukie is fed up with people telling her what to do and says she's a grown woman (but she sounds more like a teenager here) and storms out in a huff.
Later that night, after closing, Roukie dismisses Sam and Sam leaves, silently resigning himself to the fate of Mike Newton and Xander Harris. Roukie looks around expectantly for Bill ... and the Rats show up and start kicking her violently. Oh, JOY. Now Bill's gonna fly in to the rescue, or Sam will run out and save her and think "told you so" or Bill will KILL the Rats and traumatize Roukie, or ...
Well, I'm mad because it doesn't look like Roukie will get to kick ass and save her own hide, which is what I'd prefer she do. Doesn't the girl carry pepper spray or have a knife in her shoe or something? *shakes head*
Well, whatever happens, I'm excited for the next episode!
I mean, I was initially curious at first. I read the back of the first book once (and dismissed it) and vampires + HB0 + NPR interview with the creator = oooooooooooo ... but for me, really, it was the theme song that did me in.
Good news, folks! My head isn't groggy, my insides aren't giggly, and my spirit is ... doing ok, all things considered. And I seem to have retained my snark! Yay!
We begin with a college-age girl driving and giving a college-age boy beside her a handjob. Classy.
They see a sign for 'Tru blood' and I snicker about the show Tru Calling because Dollhouse has been in the back of my head today. Anyhoodle, inside the convienince store the ... ?proprieter? is wearing all this leather and skull rings and an ankh (I think it was an ankh) and pretends to be a vampire and scares the college-kids with a pseudo-Romanian accent. During this he says New Orleans is "like Mecca" for vampires.
That point doesn't make much sense to me. Theoretically, if vampires came out of the closet/coffin (hardy har har, let's play with metaphors, children) I'd think they'd AVOID New Orleans for three reasons:
1) The hurricanes, man. Too much work for the undead, and besides, your neighbors would get jealous that YOU could stay during evacuations and just sit underwater at your coffee table.
2) the murder-rates. People would always suspect the vampire.
3) Anne Rice. I'd think vampires would view the whole Interview with a Vampire thing as cheesy and annoying and avoid New Orleans like the plague. Except perhaps tacky vampire tourists who'd come and snap pictures and bring home slides to their friends.
Anyhoodle, back to our story. A hick who was eyeing the beer (and Tru/True Blood) in the back comes up and says he isn't amused by the 'joke.' The college boy uses the f-word, the Hick says "I'll fuck you up boy!"
That was SO BADASS. *grins*
THEME SONG! *dances*
Hey, look everybody, it's Rouge! In this show, she's like a blond, female Matt Parkman, minus the boringness. Her hair color is worth mentioning: it's that natural-looking shade that women envy and I had for all of five minutes between my white-blond-elf-hair stage and my whatever-the-fuck-this-golden-browny-orange-shade-is.
We stop into the Work Bench ... sorry, I mean, one of those fake-TV-Walmarts. A HUGE (tall AND kinda fat) woman with auburn hair and a purple suit
Anyway, the gist of the scene is that Sassy Black Lady turns into Snappish Slapping Black Lady and does nothing to ameliorate the general bitchiness that is humanity. She calls it racism, I call it 'feeble attempt at a gateway character.'
Oh, look, Slapping Black Lady is friends with Sookie (sorry, I have to take a minute to laugh at the name. I'm sorry, it's the Yankee in me, but ... who names their child 'Sookie?' Sadist parents, that's who.)
The Ratriders (I know that's not their real name but I'll be damned if I'll spell it right) are sitting in Sookie's section. Mr. RatPerv eyes Sookie up and down and has gross thoughts about her, despite the fact that she looks to be about twelve and he's already GOT a skank on his arm, thank you very much. Mrs. RatSkank and her ginormous clevage liken Sookie to a dog that keeps coming back for more. I notice that Mrs. RatSkank has more lipstick on than Faith, which is always a bad sign.
In a short, possibly pointless aside, Ginger-Haired Waitress is having trouble with her youngish-son. She reminds me of one of the waitresses in The Waitress ... or one of the waitresses from the Burnt Toast Diner.
Sookie places the Rats' order with the cook, a black man with one of those ... ?do-rags? on his head. For a second I think he's going to be the show's comic relief, but then says Sookie looks like a porn star with her pink lipstick. Buwuh? I think she looks like Rouge with her hair dyed blond and pulled back. (I couldn't entertain sexual thoughts about this girl if she came onscreen wearing Princess Leia's gold bikini.) Roukie says she gets better tips with makeup on. This greatly amuses the Cook. Then the waitresses huddle up and start nasty-talking with the Cook (whose name is 'Lafayete' and no, I can't spell that correctly), who gets good-points for being the first on the show to bring up gays and bisexuals. Roukie looks traumatized by all the sex-talk, like a little girl thrust into a room full of horny teenagers. She's the shortest person there and the only blond, adding to her general look of 'innocence.' I cannot believe she's going to be getting it on with a vampire.
Speaking of sex, we zip to yet another scene, with a red-haired woman being ... ahem ... pleasured by a younger-looking man on a couch. He finds a bite mark on her thigh and deduces that she had sex with a vampire once. She admits that she did because she was broke and a vampire (guy) paid her a thousand dollars to bite her. Sounds like a sweet deal. She says the sex was too rough for her but admits she likes it rough, which makes the guy smile. She says she taped the sex with the vampire and asks if he wants to watch, and he tosses aside his pants. He sounds a tad too excited by the prospect of vampire-sex, if you ask me. I hope he does it with a male vampire.
Roukie and her friend, Slapping Black Lady, talk a bit about how Slapping Black Lady can't keep a job. The boss/bartender sidles up and asks if there's anything he can do to make Roukie's night better when she says it isn't going to hot. She looks kinda stunned, he looks kinda embaressed and all "I didn't mean it like THAT" ... or at least I HOPE he didn't because he looks old enough to be Roukie's father.
Then a guy who's probably old enough to Roukie's Great-Grandfather enters the bar/pub/dive. (I hope that he's going to be providing us with numerous slashy flashbacks complete with long coats.) Roukie smiles a fangirl smile and the vampire looks handsomely gaunt. My first impression of him is that he's the brooding "deathdeathDEATH" type of vampire instead of the sex-fiendy vampire, so I dunno why Roukie's all excited about this newcomer unless she's into brooding anti-heroes, which ... wait a minute ... never mind, she can fangirl squee all she wants. I'm not gonna throw stones at my glass house.
Roukie squees to her friend and boss about how she thinks the town's gotten its first vampire. The boss says he thinks she's right. I'm surprised that the friend didn't point out that the aledged 'vampire' looks a helluva a lot like a depressed heroin addict because that's what I'd think if I saw this guy in real life. Give that boy a hunter's breakfast, he's wasting away as we speak!
Roukie practically skips over to take the vampire's order. They don't have any synthetic blood, and she hisses that he's their "first ... vampire" and she whispers the last bit. He asks if he's that obvious, Roukie says she knew the minute he walked in and is surprised that no one else is noticing. He points out the the boss is noticing, and he's watching Roukie and the vampire, but not in a leering 'touch her and DIE, bloodsucker!' way or a 'wonder if I can get into her pants' way or 'wonder if I can get into his pants' way, just a casual 'oooo, vampire, interesting ...' way. Roukie tells the vampire that she knows for a fact that Sam supports the Vampire Rights Ammendmant. The vampire half-laughs "how progressive of him." Up close, he looks less gaunt and more ... I dunno, cute in a mysterious, charming way. Roukie agrees to bring him a glass of red wine and then flees from the Rats. All through her exchange with the vampire, she was smiling and grinning and beaming like Ten was when he met Five.
Mr. Rat indrocudes himself and his wife, 'Denice.' "Hello" Mrs. RatSkankPerv practically drools at the vampire. "Evein'" the vampire says, dropping the 'g' to make us British-vampire fangirls happy. He turns his back on the Rats wearily.
Read-head and Curious-boy are watching the Vampire/Red-head porn, with Red-Head giving Curious-Boy head while he watches the vampire take her up the ass onscreen. Uh ... ew? That's one of the more obscene sentances I've typed in my life, and I write Doctor/Master smut!
Curious-boy pants, notices a chain on the ceiling, and pants some more. Did I mention that the vampire is making these disgusting noises, like the kind patients in dentist offices make when they're gagging? Not at all sexy. Not at ALL. The vampire's also got some tattoos on his back. This could be imporant later.
It must have been so awkward to audition for those parts. It must be awkard to audtion for ANY part that includes a sex-scene. I mean, if you're turned down, does that mean you're not good at sex? How would one ACT sex? Is that actual porn? Is that legal? My head hurts.
Back with Roukie in the bar/pub/dive. Mrs. RatSkankPerv is flashing her clevage about and slinging her arm around the vampire. The fact that Claire Bennet dyed her hair to become a waitress and Rouge dyed her hair to become a waitress is distracting me.
Roukie asks Terra if she really thinks that Mrs. RatSkank will let the vampire suck her blood. Terra asks Roukie if she knows how many people are having "vampire sex" these days. Ah, the analogy is killing me! I wonder how many people are having GAY vampire sex? I WOULD WATCH A SHOW ABOUT THAT TOO!
The Rats are trying to sell that they've been discriminated against because they never fit into society and they understand how the vampire feels. The vampire looks broodily disgusted by the way Mrs. RatSkank is pawing at him with her long skanky red nails of Satanic foreshadowing. On the subject of vampires-being-real-all-of-the-sudden-in-modern-times-whoohoo ... you'd think that gays and vampires would hang out more often and angst together.
Roukie 'hears' Mrs. RatSkank mentally tallying up how much blood the vampire's got in him and how much that'll sell for. She freaks and races off to find her friend, saying that they've gotta save the vampire. Her friend says they don't need to go anywhere near "that vampire" which is kinda a good point, seeing as he could be, ya know, EVIL or something. Roukie is disapointed in her friend and runs out of the bar/pub/dive because the Rats and the vampire are gone. Sam is hot on her heels, handing his apron to Terra and telling her to fake bartending.
Outside, Roukie grabs a chain from a nearby truck bed. Uh ... is that a southern thing, keeping chains in the back of your truck?
Red-head and husband (I guess) are semi-recreating the vampire/red-head porn. The chains are up, it's gross, she's into it, he goes from just into it to "you let a dead man fuck you?!" and begins to strangle her, video camera rolling and all. Eeeeeeeew!
The Rats are draining the vampire in the woods. Mrs. Rat is nervous about doing it in the open, Mr. Rat asks where they'd hide a vampire body in their trailer. (Hee hee.)
Then Roukie sneaks up and gets all badass. She half-strangles Mr. Rat with the chain and holds Mrs. Rat with a knife, calling her "backwoods trash." Roukie kickassly gets both Mr. AND Mrs. Rat to skulk off, then kneels down over the vampire. Apparently in this universe, silver handicapes vampires and leaves nasty welts on their skin. The vampire pants, looks up at Roukie like 'thank you thank you thank you!' and 'ugh, I almost died AGAIN my life SUCKS and is full of bad puns.' He heals from the silver-cuts, which, for some reason, makes Roukie say "Shut UP!" in that amazed way.
The Rats drive off and almost run Roukie and the vampire over. Mrs. Rat screams "I'll get you, BITCH!" Roukie drags the vampire out of the way really fast, which makes me giggle because either the vampire is uber-light after being drained, or his stunt-double is, because no way in HELL could a tiny girl like Roukie drag a guy taller and heavier than herself backwards THAT FAST unless she's endowed with Slayer powers.
Randomly, a dog with patches of fur the same color as Sam's hair runs up, barks at the vampire, and licks Roukie's ear. Then the random dog skedaddles off. I think it's Sam. I think that'd be funny.
Roukie says "I reckon you're not to happy about bein' rescued by a woman," channeling Anya Jenkins' tact.
"Thank you," he says, ducking his head. You hurt his MANLY UNDEAD PRIDE, Roukie, better come onto him!
Roukie obliges me and tries to hear the vampire's thoughts (clearly having never seen the Buffy episode 'Earshot') and exclaims "I can't hear you!" she crouches down and holds the vampire's head with her hands. It gets very romantic very fast. He asks "Aren't you scared to be out here alone with a hungry vampire?" Roukie says she isn't, and he says that vampires often turn on those who trust them, leaning forward in a squee-jerking way ... but Roukie's decided to be a tease as well as a Slayer and leaps up, pointing out that humans turn on those who trust them too. She picks up the silver chain and drapes it around her neck, saying she's not a total fool. (I haven't figured you out yet, Roukie, but you're definatley not a fool.)
He leeringly points out that she as other "juicy" arteries ... and that there's one in the groin that's a particular favorite of his. Eeeeeeeew! What is it with all these sex-crazed quacks? Are we watching Torchwood: Louisiana Unit?! (I don't know his deal. I THINK he's trying to scare her off so he can get back to brooding all by his lonesome, but I'm not sure.)
Roukie leaps up and says she doesn't care if he's a vampire, but when he talks to her he will treat her like the lady she is. You GO, girl! *punches the air*
He offers her the blood that the Rats drained, she declines, he says she could sell it, she declines that too. He leaps up and does that swifty-swift walk over to her and gets all intense. "What are you?" he breathes.
She stutteringly introduces herself and says she's
"Bill" he breathes intensley (hell, everything this guy does is intense and/or sexy and/or gritty), and with his accent I thought for a second it was "Belle" which would have made things OODLES more interesting. Roukie giggles about his comonplace name because she thought it'd be something more like Basil or Angelus or Spike. (I wouldn't be teasing people about their name, Sookie.) "Vampire Bill!" she sporfles, already anticipating the 'Kill Bill' jokes that fans will be making soon.
She goes back to being nervous-calm as they discuss silver. Roukie mentions werewolves (PLEASE GODS ABOVE?) and Bill says he'd appriciate it if Roukie didn't tell anybody about vampires' weakness (silver.)
Roukie says "See ya, Bill ... I've gotta get back to work." and flounces off, taking the chain off as she goes. Bill looks on after her bemusedly, remaining in the shadows as Roukie heads off towards a street-lamp, and the symbolism kills me.
Sam reluctantly gives Tara a job after she points out that she can keep an eye on Roukie for him, seeing as she's making bedroom-eyes at "that vampire" and all.
Roukie's brother enters, a blondish-boy who, it turns out, is the Curious-boy who was fucking the Red-head and ended up strangling her. GarOOOOOOSS!. He keeps his head down and shows no interest in Tera, leading me to conclude that a) he's scared of her b) he's gay or c) both. Then that slutty-Waitress sidles up and she and Jason hug/stoke each other and the jury's out on Jason's sexuality. It's clear that Tera has a crush on Jason, though. I don't blame her, but she might wanna tone down her additude if she wants to score pretty-boy. Slutty-waitress drops Jason and leaves, but he runs after her so we don't know if he scores or not. I hope not, because after this hetero lust-fest, I needs me some male subtext in the dirtiest way. Maybe Bill can tie Jason up with the silver chain!
Roukie arrives at home and is greeted by her grandmother, an awesome old lady with a cat on her lap and what looks like a romance novel in her hands. She sounds just as excited by the vampire as Roukie was when she first caught sight of him.
Roukie wakes up in bed, the aforementioned cat curled up beside her. My love for Roukie intensifies because when she gets up we see that she's wearing a huge t-shirt to bed, which is what I do. She stands in front of the window and sees Bill standing in her yard, doing one of the steryotypical things that vampires do: stalk beautiful girls at all hours of the night.
Roukie throws on a robe and slippers and skips down onto the yard. Bill magically appears behind her and begins unbuttoning his shirt. Roukie says she never expected to be having sex with him ... at least, not so fast. As she says this, she opens up her robe, and seductive music plays. "Who said anything about sex?" grits Bill, licking his fangs and snarling. Ok, the face is pretty, but the hairy chest is not.
Bill's hairy chest seems to scare Roukie as much as it scares me, because she wakes up from the ... dream? Nightmare? Wet-dream? Can women physically HAVE wet dreams? *shrugs*
Roukie flops down and suddenly we're in the next day, and Roukie is semi-sunbathing out on the lawn. Jason drives up and confronts her about attacking the Rats. Roukie explains that they were drainging a vampire, and he tells her she shouldn't be mixing with vampires. Since he's friends with a guy who went to the Rats for weed AND he probably killed a girl after watching a vampire porn, I don't think he's got the right to lecture about the company his sister is keeping. Roukie stands up to him (well, flops down to him, but still) and Jason asks if the vampire was bald or had tattoos. Up until this point, I thought he was completely different character from Curious-boy, so this bit really shocked me.
And, sure enough, Grandma gets off the phone and informs the blond siblings that 'Maudette' was found strangled to death in her apartment. Roukie is shocked, Jason says that it's no surprise seeing as they've got a vampire in town now and points out that 'fang bangers' go missing in cities all the time. Grandma, my favorite gateway character thus far, asks what a fang banger is and Roukie explains that they're humans who like to get bitten. Like high-class cutters. Jason gets kinda cagey and starts talking about hookers who specalize in vampires and have bodyguards in case the vampires "get too frisky." There's a story in that ... I wonder if, since Buffy activated all those potential slayers, some became fang banger guards.
Roukie runs up and puts her hands on either side of Jason's head and hears him thinking about how he "lost control" but nothing specific. Well, DAYUM! I thought she was going to take a few episodes to do that! And how come she needs physical contact for some people and just has to stand there other times?
Later that day, Jason is aproached by two policemen. No, not like that (regretably.) Jason tries to lie, but he's not that good at it. Turns out that the police have already seen the tape, and Jason didn't know that she was filming it. He hands over ditch-digging-command (or whatever) to someone else and heads off with the police.
Roukie's grandma comes into her room and asks her if she thinks that Bill's old enough to remember the Civil War, and, if so, he could come and speak to grandma's group at the library. Roukie says he'd probably have a hard time getting there at noon on a Thursday, and grandma mentally smacks herself on the head. She says they could have a special meeting, or interview him and tape it (hee hee!) she sort of fangirl squees with Roukie about the possibility of that, and if he'll come to the bar/pub/dive tonight.
I LOVE the grandma. If she dies, I will stop watching the show.
... of course, I don't really HAVE HBO, I'm watching it online, so my declaration doesn't carry any weight, does it? *sigh* Ah well, still love the grandma. She's going to end up instigating flashbacks, I'm certain of it!
Tera is bartending, sort of. A fatish hick man in overalls sits down at the bar and has only one line "Sorry, ma'am" which he directs at Tera. Awww, I feel bad for him. He doesn't seem the type to deserve mouthy, bitter women who have crushes on murdering speciesists. The Cook (I am NOT spelling out 'Lafayette' every damn time he comes onscreen) shows up and banters with Tera, eventually saying that Jason is "sex on a stick!" and dipping down as he says it. The look on the hick's face is priceless. The Cook then leans over the bar and says, VERY gayly, "How you doin'?" to the hick, who is rapidly gaining more and more of my sympathy-points, especially since he makes no homophobic comment, or any comment AT ALL, when Tera chastises the Cook for scaring the hick and the Cook says "he's too big to be scared ... I likes me a big man ..."
SO. MUCH. LOVE. FOR. SOUTHERN. CAPTAIN. JACK. HARKNESS!
Then there's a scene in which Roukie finds out that Jason was arrested, everyone else new before her, Jason's a jerk but no killer (baby girl, he killed Maudette just because she banged a vamp for money, imagine what he'd do to YOU if you bang Bill?) and she's PISSED that everyone thinks the worst AND assumes she's psychic. Of course, during this scene, all I'm thinking about is how Captain Lafayette Harkness is wearing a gorram KILT.
And then, Roukie sees Bill. She wakes towards him in slo-mo, with slow romantic music playing. He pulls out a chair for her (awww!) and she sits down, and everyone in the bar is thinking all these desparaging things about vampires and Roukie and Sam is thinking "I've got to protect her" and I wonder if he's her Watcher or summat ... but then Bill holds out his hand and Roukie takes it ... and her head is clear. All the voices are gone. Naaaaaaaw!
One little complaint: we're always so close up with these two when they're together. Can't we have some long-lense shots now and again?
The close-up shows us that the actress who plays Roukie has VERY evenly-placed teeth. Like, freakishly even. Somebody had braces when she was little!
Roukie's eyes do this little flutter thing when Bill says her name. I cannot get over how amazingly well CAST this show is.
Bill asks if he can call on her. Roukie blinks, and Bill explains "visit you, in your home." He says the line all embaressed, like he's just remembered he's not in the Victorian age anymore, but his eyes are doing this shadowy thing. Sometimes he's cute and I want to bring him home, but if you tilt your head he becomes something you bar your door against and COAT yourself in silver against. Roukie mentions a favor for her grandma and asks Bill if he could meet her out back when she gets off work.
Bill points out that everyone in the bar/pub/dive is staring at them ... and they are. It is creepy. Roukie says "Who cares what they think?" but Bill says he does because he plans to make "this town" his home. He stands up. In those twenty seconds, he and Roukie almost-kissed about fifteen times. JUST SEX IT UP ALREADY! IMPATIENT FANGIRL IS IMPATIENT!
Sam grabs Roukie and manhandles her into a room and yells at her for all her aledged death-wish, seeing as she attacked the Rats and set up "a date with a vampire." Dude, it's called 'adreniline rush.' People seem to like them. Roukie argues that judging an entire group because of the actions of a few is morally wrong, and he yells at her that the next time someone is attacked in the parking lot "call the police! Do not come off looking like a goddamn vigilante!" He's got a point, but seeing as she handled herself exceptionally for a pint-sized waitress, HE did not call the cops, and HE did not follow her (unless he was the 'stray dog') I'd say he's overreacting a bit much. Then Roukie starts to cry and Sam huggles her ... and the contact lets Roukie hear his thoughts. He really digs her, but not so much in a skeevy Mr. Rat way or an intrigued Bill way, more like a normal guy who really likes her and doesn't want to see her hurt or dead and likes to touch her. This really freaks Roukie, and then Tera bursts in and starts spouting off at Roukie about the Bill-thing. God, people, there's only the one vampire in town! An army of pissed off hicks could easily take skinny-McShortykins, aka Bill. Roukie is fed up with people telling her what to do and says she's a grown woman (but she sounds more like a teenager here) and storms out in a huff.
Later that night, after closing, Roukie dismisses Sam and Sam leaves, silently resigning himself to the fate of Mike Newton and Xander Harris. Roukie looks around expectantly for Bill ... and the Rats show up and start kicking her violently. Oh, JOY. Now Bill's gonna fly in to the rescue, or Sam will run out and save her and think "told you so" or Bill will KILL the Rats and traumatize Roukie, or ...
Well, I'm mad because it doesn't look like Roukie will get to kick ass and save her own hide, which is what I'd prefer she do. Doesn't the girl carry pepper spray or have a knife in her shoe or something? *shakes head*
Well, whatever happens, I'm excited for the next episode!
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Date: 2008-09-13 07:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-13 09:44 pm (UTC)