What aunt_zelda Thinks: Reprise of 'Fragments' and Review of 'Exit Wounds'

[aunt_zelda]

(OMG I just saw The Producers and WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME that JOHN BARROWMAN is in it?! *flailz and diez* It was the funniest, most insulting, awkwardest thing to watch I have ever seen. Did I mention JOHN BARROWMAN? SINGING! BLOND! Will Ferral talks to pigeons! There are horrifically gay men parading around! WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME ABOUT THIS?!)

 

Reprise of 'Fragments'

I love how the 'duh-duh-duh-duh' Torchwood music flickers in when the woman says "You're in Torchwood Cardiff."

"The Doctor's the one who will save you from your ... phantazma-what-sists."

I want Blowfish-man's suit. Especially his waistcoat. Well, I suppose Ianto would pull it off better than I would, but still …

Is the Tower the symbol of the TARDIS? And the Three of Swords ... I can't remember what that card means … *looks it up* wow, they really did their homework! “Sorrow and extreme pain. With a positive view in end: upheaval, separation, disruption and discord. Heartbreak, tears, strife, conflict. The clearing of that which is obsolete to make way for that to come. Establishment of something better.” That would be Jack and the Doctor’s relationship …

I love the montage. I'm a sucker for good montages. That's probably why I got hooked on Death Note, so I could make fun of the montage ...

I muted the TV when Jack walked in on the dead team and disillusioned Alex. So disturbing ...

Tosh's backstory is so depressing.

The way Ianto tosses that stick/pipe/whatever should be illegal. He should also not be allowed to wear THE JEANS OF SEX jeans.

OMG Ianto's birthdate is a day after mine! Him = August 19th. Me = August 18th. SO COOL!  He's a Leo just like me! Rawr!

The Janto Dino hunting thing is so ridiculous, full of slashy goodness and silly lines. It might be one of my favorite Torchwood scenes ever.

"We need a guard dog."

"I could be that!"

Ianto, you're about as ferocious as a teddy bear, that wouldn't work at all ...

Ianto screaming as Jack re-located his arm was AWFUL. Worse than when the Doctor screams. And that’s saying something!

Torchwood: proving that gay men can be badass too, since 2006.

Seriously, they shoud've gotten fake brains from the Heroes set. Owen's fiancée’s brain looked really damn fake to me ... *dreams up Heroes/Torchwood crossovers* Oooo, the Company could run afoul of Torchwood and UNIT and Jack could snog Sylar and ... oh, that'd make everyones' heads explode, wouldn't it?

"Oooo, deja vu! Or did I say that already?"

*giggles*

'Exit Wounds'

Anyone writes any BroYay fics with Jack and Gray and I will KILL YOU!

Moving on, I liked this episode. Of course, John and Jack didn’t snog as much as I wanted them to, and Gray didn’t do much but turn Cardiff into a mess and shoot Toshiko and be really damn boring, and OMG Tosh and Owen and DEAD AND GONE GONE GONE SOMEONE HOLD ME!  

I hate knowing a tiny bit of how an episode ends. Of course, Tosh’s death still shocked me and made me wanna cry, but still, knowing it was coming made me feel sick.

I shall spend quite a lot of this review debating whether who should join TW now. Martha should definitely join as medical-person and UNIT-liaison-lady because lack-of-inter-organization-cooperation is what let 9/11 happen and when ALIEN INVASIONS are on the line you need to WORK TOGETHER, this isn’t KINDERGARDEN, peoples! Plus she’s badass, can talk about the Doctor with Jack, and a fan-favorite.

 

Ok, the Jack/John stuff was FANTASTIC. I don’t care that most of it was so John could get Jack to Gray, it was DAMN HOT. Also, seeing as I’d just watched the finale of DW S3, it was like seeing all the original scenes for the Master and the Doctor that had to be cut “because it’s a kid’s show *cough* ignoring Lucy’s sexy poses *cough*” acted out by Capt. Spike and John Barrowman. If we couldn’t have the Doctor chained to the wall on the Valiant, then Jack chained to the wall and John dragging him around is a pretty damn good appeasement-gift from RTD.

 

 

ACTUAL REVIEW/RECAP:

"I was the only one who could ever control him."

Except for Buffy. And Dru. And the stupid chip the stupid Initiative stuck into his head.

"Did you say Time Agency? Is that based in Cardiff too?"

Poor Rhys … hey, maybe he could join the team!

 

"We don’t have a song! And if we did have a song, it wouldn't be this song."

(*sporfles* the FACES he’s making!) Why is Capt. Spike imitating the Master? He’s a totally cool character all by himself, he shouldn’t have to emulate someone else!

 

“I want you to know that I love you.”

“Funny way of showing it.”

Clearly Jack is not aware of the concept of ‘rival slash’ … I’ll be very pleased to show him some examples!  

 

"No, seriously, you have to understand: I really do love you. *insert excessive violence* Cause this, is gonna get nasty."

Has John been reading slash fics? (This is like ‘Crush,’ but minus the girls and the vampires!)

"It's not based in Cardiff!"

How is Rhys to know that?! He didn’t know Jack was immortal until a few hours ago!

Tosh and Ianto shoot some hooded religious freaks carrying scythes. *is jealous*

OH MY GOD it's that THING that the Doctor and Rose were chasing around Scooby-Do-style in ‘Love and Monsters!’ *giggles* I would’ve been a lot more upset about Owen’s thank god FINALLY demise if he and the medical-lady had chased it around with buckets of steaming water.

 

Jack. In chains. Hanging from the CEILING. In CHAINS. Every episode is like Christmas for us fangirls!

"This is a little extreme don't you think?"

"What, suddenly you're anti-bondage?"

PLEASE GODS ABOVE NO! If he’s anti-bondage half the slash fics will cancel out!

Btw, if all your weight is being supported by your arms, won’t those chains be cutting off Jack’s circulation to his hands? I mean, we know he can’t die, but is he a lizard? *hopes someone will get the reference*

 

"It’s always the same, nobody cares until you tie them up."

Erm, Capt. Spike? You can tie me up any time!

"Go on then, stop me! ... I hope you can, really."

When I first watched this I thought that was rather disturbing and sad. Watching it again makes me find new meaning in it.

"I told you. No struggling."

*drools* I can’t take much more of this …

"Jack can’t come to the coms right now, but if you leaved a message, I'll be sure and pass it along."

*sporfles* The worst part is that he wasn’t even being sarcastic!

"Eye-candy!"

*SQUEE*

 

“Are you running yet? No dawdling now.”

See? SEE?! Remind you of anything? (“Better start running!” … “I said: RUN!”)

And then all these bombs go off. It's horrendous.  

"Hold me ..."

First time I saw this I thought “oooo, hurt/comfort! Yahoo!” second time I saw this I was all “oh god, poor Capt. Spike just killed a bunch of people!”

"Everything's going to be alright."

*giggles* It's like every hurt/comfort fic every written is suddenly ONSCREEN. BROADCASTED TO MY LIVING ROOM. Life doesn't get any better than this ...

"Get off me!"

Jack, wrong words for this audience ...

"We are going to put this city back together. We are going to find Jack, and we are going to punish John."

Despite my glee that Gwen is actually doing something for once besides annoying me or demonstrating with Rhys that heterosexual relationships can work out nicely, I think she should have said 'kill John' not 'punish' because, you see, the slashers are already dying of fangasms.

Cardiff: 27 AD

“I’m not my own man anymore. I thought you’d see that, but oh no, you’re so self-obsessed, you thought I’d want to blow up your stupid city.”

So did we … but seeing as this is JACK’S SHOW, can you BLAME HIM for being self-obsessed?

"When I could be experiencing seventeen simultaneous pleasures in the Lotus Nebula."

Methinks I should visit this Lotus Nebula …

SURPRISE BOSS CHARACTER! OMG!

Gray stabs Jack with a knife/short sword. I roll my eyes because now all the annoying incest-slashers are gonna say “it’s canon penetration! SQUEE!”

"This is where we find out how good we are."

Yahoo for In-Charge-Gwen! (If only she would do this more often! Make up your mind, Gwen! Are you a badass or a wimp, wench?!)

"Bloody impressive, eh?"

"That she is. Lucky sod."

I hope we see more of Andy in S3.

Oh my god ... I'm gonna be sick ... I really can't take interment on my favorite TV shows, but it ALWAYS HAPPENS. Buffy, Angel, Alias, Heroes ... this scene tells us all what happens to Adam: he dies, comes back, and dies again. And again. And again. Over and over and over. How long can a person survive without air? Two minutes? Three? Hiro had better DIG UP THAT DAMN GRAVE WITH HIS BARE HANDS in the first episode, unless Adam's Wifey does it first, in which case, I expect lots of evil snogging between Adam and his Wifey and lots of disturbing OT3 fics from you lot!

OH MY GOD JACK AND JOHN HAD A RING! (Good thing Gray's psycho, because any competent villain wouldn't have let 'sentimental value' past them.)

"Will you marry me again?"

Awwww … seeing as nobody remembers the first one, that might not be a bad idea …

I was momentarily worried Rhys might die, but as he and Gwen didn’t make out passionately and Gwen hadn’t discovered she was pregnant I knew Rhys was safe.

"On your knees!"

"Honestly, it's just sex sex sex with you people!"

Can you blame them with you around?!

"He thought I was the rescuing hero."

Gray 'learned things from watching those creatures.' Like a Reaver. *sporfles* Like Torchwood wasn’t already stealing things from Angel, now it’s gotta rip-off Firefly too!

Capt. Spike laughing off the pain is really fucking disturbing. In a sexy, sexy way, you understand ... but seriously he just RIPPED OFF HIS SKIN. Who laughs when they do that?!

Weevils go mad. There is menacing music. I cringe and slink off to c_quinn's hobbit hole, carrying the TV with me.

"King of the Weevils, remember?" *giggles* Finally the Weevil-Messiah thing is useful!

"Boy, you've got a serious pest problem here."

Then Ianto and Tosh badass onto the screen. They seem to be shooting a lot of things this episode. Ianto starts for Capt. Spike, but Gwen sadly restrains him from punching Capt. Spike. Realizing that the fangirls want to watch him scuffle with Ianto, Capt. Spike hastily says: "Don't start, I'll make things right, Eye-Candy!"

"If we don't find him, I'll kill you! Very slowly!"

I'd pay to watch that!

"Question of honor."

Whatever happened to his Samurai sword?

"His life is mine now."

WTF does that even mean? Is Gray insane? Is he emulating his captors, like that guy who got taken by Reavers? Does he have a soul anymore? WTF is going on?!

"Where's Jack? What have you done with him? What have you done with him?!"

Hopefully nothing sexual. If so, I'll kill Russell T. Davies. With Capt. Spike's hitherto-forgotten katana.

This is why we shouldn't have nuclear power.

And Tosh is shot. I gasp, even though I knew it was going to happen. Hands over mouth, dry squeaky noises. When she falls to the ground I finally exhale.

Her rolling down the stairs is just ... I nearly lost it. God, poor Tosh.

Yay for African-English Torchwood! (I prefer them to the creepy lesbians ... I want a spinoff about laughing-girl and serious-man, they seem like a fun pair! How come past!Torchwood is run by pairs but Now!Torchwood is groups of five, or the industrial-staffed Torchwood: London?)

"I forgive you."

OMG just like the Doctor!

"I will never absolve you!"

And then they hug and cry and it's terrible and I cry.

Tosh pretending she hasn't been fucking mortally wounded and stopping the meltdown with Owen was … awful and heroic. Well done, Toshiko Sato, well done.

"And, uh, Tosh? Thank you."

Damnnit, she never had a decent love life, did she?

"Because you're breaking my heart!"

*squeaks wetly* I’m surprised she’s got a heart anymore, seeing as it’s been broken fifty-million times!

Owen says he's sorry over and over again. Tosh cries. The two most fucked-up people on the show chat flippantly about the past.

"Spacepig."

OH THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING! Owen was hungover and Tosh covered for him during 'The Aliens of London' ... OMG THANK YOU PLOT-HOLE FIXERS!

OMG. Oh my GOD. Oh my GOD. Oh my god. Eyes: wet. Mouth: dry. Voice: squeaky.

I DON'T EVEN LIKE OWEN! NEVER HAVE! NEVER DID! (Except when he was made lame by Adam.) HATE HIS TOAD MOUTH! HATE THAT HIS BACKSTORY MADE ME FEEL SORRY FOR HIM!

Tosh ... Tosh ... Toshiko Sato ... the one plot-hole in her life was mended, she saved the world one last time, reconciled with Owen in a totally ok way. Then she dies in Jack's arms. I wonder if she saw Owen when she was smiling at Jack right before she died ...

Rhys hugs Gwen to himself on the couch.

"There has been enough death!"

You can say that again!

Jack explains the no-flailing when Capt. Spike buried him alive/immortal/dead/living/Hiro-Nakamura-Style. (Hey, just thought of a whacky crossover fic! Capt. Spike has a katana! So does Hiro! They both buried their immortal boyfriends! *passes out*) Anyhoodle, Jack says it was his penance. Hopefully this means Jack will have shed some of his galaxies-of-angst by next season. Seriously, it's like he was envious of the Doctor or something, it's all 'ANGST! ANGST! ANGST!' ala Potter Puppet Pals ...

Capt. Spike pecks Jack on the cheek and goes off. I wail 'Stay! Stay! Stay!' at him but nothing happens. Damn you, RTD! Why kill off two cast members if you’re not going to replace them with hotter people?! I’d gladly trade Owen for Martha and/or Capt. Spike!

 

Ianto handles the computer work for Owen. It's sad. They had an interesting dynamic.

 

Jack packs up Owen's stuff.

 

Gwen does Tosh's stuff.

 

When Gwen packs away Tosh's glasses I choke up a little again.

 

 

Toaster ... Cylon ... hee ...

 

"I wouldn't have missed it for the world."

 

Tosh's farewell is cute and awful.

 

 

"The end is where we start from."

 

Torchwood is now three. Jack, Gwen, and Ianto.

 

 

If you guys write OT3 ... god, I won't even ask.

 

 

NEXT WEEK: aaaaah, finally, I can concentrate solely on Doctor Who! *cries* There’s no gay sex on Doctor Who!

 

Comments

[lovemyfaceoff.livejournal.com]

That episode made me cry like a baby. Watched it right after I got my wisdom teeth removed so I as just laying there crying and in physical pain.
I though I would stop crying quickly but then I saw Tosh's little video at the end and it just killed me.
HOWEVER Gray was a HUGE GIANT MASSIVE disappointment.

[aunt-zelda.livejournal.com]

Oh god! Poor you! (A friend of mine had those removed a while back, his cheeks were swollen for like three days, it was really weird looking ... come to think of it I'll probably have to have mine taken out someday ... shit!)

I though I would stop crying quickly but then I saw Tosh's little video at the end and it just killed me.
Yeah, that was just ... salt in wounds. I mean, I know they were trying to make her death less tragic but maybe they shouldve tried, I dunno, GIVING HER A LOVE INTEREST THAT DIDN'T DIE WITHIN THE EPISODE?! Seriously, you work at TORCHWOOD, home of the alien-fighting bisexuals, and you hardly ever get laid by the same person twice! Poor Tosh! *huggles her* (This might make you cry more ... or comfort you. It was a little of both for me:
http://a-theifs-soul.deviantart.com/art/My-Heaven-TORCHWOOD-SPOILER-82668625


HOWEVER Gray was a HUGE GIANT MASSIVE disappointment.
yeah, if the whole season has been working towards, him, what the frak was that all about?

[lovemyfaceoff.livejournal.com]

My cheeks were swollen and I looked really strange and sad.
That picture did both for me as well.

[aunt-zelda.livejournal.com]

My cheeks were swollen and I looked really strange and sad.
Poor you! *huggles you and feeds you ... cookie dough*

That picture did both for me as well.
Sorry it made you cry more, but I'm glad it was a bit of a comfort.