National Coming Out Day

[aunt_zelda]

I now identify as asexual.

For the past year and a half or so, I’ve been doing a lot of self reflection and research. I’ve talked to some very helpful people, strangers, new friends, old friends. I’ve learned a lot. I’ve dragged my feet. I’ve hit mental roadblocks over and over again. I’ve challenged myself to try and rattle my sexuality around in a variety of ways. I’ve cried. I’ve made lists and charts. I’ve taken quizzes. I’ve done a lot of reading. I’ve had late night identity crises.

I'm ace. I’m still bi, I’m just biromantic. I’m not entirely sure of the nitty gritty specifics, or what that will mean for me in the future. But for now, this is what feels right.

Comments

[alexxkay]

Have you read the comic book Sex Criminals? It's fun for many reasons, but I bring it up because they introduced an asexual member to the cast in issue 13. Judging by the reactions in the letter column, they did a good job with the portrayal. (Incidentally, the letter columns are a significant piece of what makes the comic great, and contained a bunch of asexual "coming-out" stories over the next few months.

[alexxkay]

While I'm on the subject of asexual-positive fiction, there's a great ongoing web- based prose serial superhero story called (at least the first chunk of it) The Fall of Foc Future. One of the side stories features The Volunteer (roughly a Superman analogue, not the usual main character) recovering from serious injuries. He takes the time to go visit a public meeting, and,
well, I'll just quote:

“Thank you for having me,” said The Volunteer. "I don’t have all that much for you. Just a few things I probably should have said years ago. Things that are easier to say now, because there is better language for them.“

He paused. "Some of you here today helped to promote that language, doing all the arguing over meanings and distinctions you have to do, when you want to talk about things that weren’t talked about openly before. I’d like to thank you for that. And I hope all of you will understand if I don’t get the words quite right, or don’t use them precisely the same way you would.”

Complete silence, now.

“You probably know what I say when people ask if I’m human–'No, but I was raised as one.’ Hardly anyone seems to be bothered by that anymore. Most of you are too young to remember when I started phrasing it that way, in the 70s. Before that I used to say 'I was raised as a man.’ And I was.”

“In both senses.”

“When I came into this world, I was not human. And I was not male.”

Sound from the crowd now, and shushing.

“I was very fortunate. My adoptive parents were supportive. I found, fairly early on, that being male seemed to suit me better than the alternatives. And I have the ability to change my body slowly. Lately, it’s what I’ve been using to heal.”

“As best I understand the words, I’m transgender, neuter to male; asexual; and heteroromantic.”

“I’m saying this because there are a lot of people who seem to believe this sort of thing is new. I’d like to think most of them aren’t in this particular room right now, but they might still be listening.”

Laughter at that.

“It’s not new. It was just hidden, either completely, or behind words that obscured as much as they revealed, or were intended to erase, censure or pathologize.”

“We’re all people. Beyond that, there are few absolutes. So I have a few things to say to those who are sure they know exactly how to sort everyone into 'male’ and 'female’ without asking them first. Especially those who like to use me as an example of what a man should be.”

“You don’t have to have a Y chromosome to be a man. I don’t.”

“You don’t have to start with any particular bit of anatomy to be a man. I didn’t.”

“And to anyone who wants to exclude people based on that sort of test… If you do that you’ll be excluding me, too, so you might want to think about why you’re doing it.”

“That’s all I have to say. Thank you.”

There were cheers from the crowd, and applause, and tears.