What aunt_zelda Thinks: GoT S5, ep04, Sons of the Harpy

[aunt_zelda]

X-Posted to my tumblr


WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF

I keep repeating that to myself.

I have yet to make sense of this mess.

Except for a few good scenes and some scattered dialogue this episode was a trainwreck.

In some cases, I am angry. In some cases, I lack the energy to be angry anymore and I’m just sad and disappointed. Why am I even surprised anymore when they take my favs and turn them into porno cliches or “angry WoC” stereotypes? Why am I even surprised anymore when they beat naked prostitutes? Why am I even surprised anymore when they kill off characters for shock value in lieu of actually compelling writing?

This might very well be the season that makes me quit the show. Last season nearly did it, I don’t know why I stayed. I must have stayed for a reason. There had to be a reason I decided to keep pushing myself through this. There has to be a reason for me to keep watching.

Someone, please, help me remember.

Below are my thoughts typed as I watched:

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Lyanna reminder in the opening? Whaaaaaaa?

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Sunspear’s pop-up is so pretty! Gotta love the theme song, it’s the only part of the show where there’s no danger of me feeling sad or disappointed or wanting to punch the wall.

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Jorah go away I hate you. Please. Just go.

What a dick, he just stole that man’s boat.

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Yay, more maligning of Dorne from the show.

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“It has to be me.”

Yeah, great reasoning that. How about just admit the truth, just say “I was supposed to go North and Arianne was supposed to be a character in the south but instead they decided to send me south and cut Arianne from the show.”

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“He murdered my father.”

Wait, not “our father?!” Hang on, is that a confirmation that Tyrion is a Targ!??!?!

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Ser Meryn is going to Bravos! Sweet! Arya can scratch him off her list!

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Oh great, arming the Faith.

And this of course leads to showing them smashing barrels of booze (which, with water quality problems in the Medieval age, is just plain stupid), smashing “idols,” and beating naked prostitutes (because that’s just what this show needed, more violence against women, especially more violence against female prostitutes.)

And then some graphic homophobic violence. Which is just uncomfortable and gross, and makes me want to quit watching this show.

I am so sick of sexualized violence against women and queer characters. I’m SICK of it.

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Some great political stuff between Marg, Tommen, Cersei, and the High Sparrow. Also, ouch, Tommen getting called an abomination in the streets.

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Great, Selyse calling Jon’s supposed mom a “slut.” Thanks show. Keep assassinating her character and continuing to perpetuate the “women hating women” trend on this show.

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Stannis’ slouch over the railing is quite nice to look at in this scene though.

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Melisandre and Selyse share an Important Look when talking about how Shireen has her father’s kingsblood in her veins and OH GOD DON’T DO IT. DON’T YOU DO IT. IF YA’LL DO IT, I WILL QUIT.

If they try to burn Shireen I’m out. I’m OUT. I have put up with enough bullshit from this show and I will NOT put up with that.

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“You once put your faith in Ser Davos and left me behind. I hope you will not make that mistake again.”

“I won’t.”

Oh for fuck’s sake, STOP. YA’LL ARE A TEAM IN THE BOOKS. A TEAM. STOP THIS BULLSHIT. FUCK ON A PILE OF BEARSKINS AND MOVE ON.

(He didn’t put his faith in Davos and not her, at Blackwater he put his brother-in-law in charge because nobility, and it was a failure, and then he promoted Davos and learned from his mistakes.)

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Melisandre just bursts in like excuse you, ma’am, knock first?

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Oh, joy. Instead of “Arya’s” torture and forced marriage and a taunting letter from someone luring Jon south, it’s Evil Sexy Lady Mel luring him there. Tempting him. Because Devil Imagery. STOP STOP STOP.

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OH MY GOD WHAT?! SHE’S GETTING NAKED?!?!?! EWWWWWWWW!

I mean she’s a beautiful lady but plot-wise this is just a cheesy porno now.

I can’t tell if she’s mind-controlling him or he’s just got a dull surprise “teenage boy just saw boobs” expression on his face.

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Now the text is she’s cheating on Stannis? Auuuugghhhhhhhh.

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And Jon doesn’t resist because his vows and loyalty, no, it’s because he’s still carrying a torch for Ygritte. Lovely.

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Then Mel does her creepy Ygritte impression and that’s … actually the only good part about this scene.

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Hey, someone raised Shireen right, SHE knocks on doors!

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Omg THIS SCENE. PLEASE LET THIS SCENE MAKE UP FOR THE SHITTY SCENE WE JUST HAD.

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Stannis is like “I’m sorry I brought you on the shitty work retreat” and Shireen is like “it’s cool I’m just happy to be included” excuse me while I weep.

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“Are you ashamed of me, father?”

*my heart BREAKS*

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Yeah, I cried. They’re adorable. Protective Dad Stannis is Best Stannis.

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Hang on why did the Greyscale have to come from a shifty Dornish trader?!?!?! Why are all the Dorne references this episode negative?

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Auuuuugghhh, why is Littlefinger rasping us the Story of the Tourney at Harrenhal?

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WTF HE IS LEAVING HER ALONE WITH THE BOLTONS!??!?!?!?!?!

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Finally SOMEONE on the show acknowledges that Stannis is the best military commander in Westeros. Too bad it’s Littlefinger but I’ll take what I can get.

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Oh, good, Littlefinger plans for Sansa to be Warden of the North. That’s close to my personal dream headcanon.

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Ewwwwww, he kisses her again. STOP THAT. SHE IS A CHILD.

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I’m torn here. Littlefinger is putting thousands of miles between himself and Sansa, which is good. But he’s leaving her alone with the Boltons, which is VERY BAD.

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Bronn makes me worry he’s gonna die on the show soon.

Jaime unintentionally ends up making a reference to the prophesy about Cersei’s death, maybe.

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Then there’s a good scene and a nice fight scene. Wheeeee! (I gotta take what I can get here.)

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Jaime’s being such a dick, Bronn is doing all this work and Jaimie is just snarking all the way.

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I can’t even comment on the Ellaria and Sand Snakes scene. I’m not even angry anymore I’m just disappointed and sad.

*hums* We coulda had it allllllllllllllllllll …

… or just, y’know, more than these lazy, offensive excuses for the characters?

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Emmy Award Winning actor angrily sings through a gag.

I don’t know what I can add to that.

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I really fucking hope that Dany executes Jorah. We need less characters on this show? Kill him. Please.

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Awwwww, talking about Rhaegar. I hope he’s not really a rapist.

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I don’t understand why that prostitute is helping the Sons of the Harpy? It makes no sense?

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WHAT?! GREY WORM IS GONNA DIE?!?!?!?!

WAIT NO BARRISTAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?!?!?!?!

WAIT IS HE GONNA DIE TOO!?!?!??!?!

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT THE FUCK!?!??!?!

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?!??!?!?!

WHO’S IN CHARGE HERE?!?!?!?!?!?

WHAT?!?!??!?!?!

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Next week: Ser Barristan is dead, there’s a dragon, Ramsay has consensual sex with a woman who likes it (the most bizarre deviation from the books in my opinion), and Brienne says Sansa’s in danger.

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Prostitutes: so many, all naked or semi-naked, and beaten brutally

Dead prostitutes: no idea but most seen are beaten pretty badly

Rape/Sexual Assault: did I mention the violent beating of many naked prostitutes

Gay Sex: male patron of a male prostitute and male prostitute mutilated offscreen

Team Dragonstone: Stannis in one good scene and one ok scene, Selyse being maligned by the show, Melisandre being WTF WTF WTF, Shireen being adorable and comforted by her dad. Davos nowhere to be seen.

My favs: Maligned beyond recognition, not show enough, or both.

Conclusion: WTF WTF WTF. This is … bad.