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aunt_zeldaDedicated to Eliaabeth Sladen. *wibbles* There were many awful, tragic things that happened in 2011, and her death was sadly one of them.
We begin with … what? What the … what what? Musketeers (I think) barge into a room, looking for the Doctor. His clothes are piled up by a painting of him (covered only by a red curtain thing!) The painter is a pretty lady who protests that she doesn’t know where the Doctor is, but the lead Musketeer pulls her skirt up with his sword to reveal Naked!MattSmith (EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeee!) who assures him that it’s not as bad as it looks. Bahahahahahahahaa!
Also, how on earth did they get away with that? And how many fanfics were written? And, let’s be honest, lady, was he a cunning linguist down there? ; )
(Come on, you were all thinking it, don’t try to deny it!)
Cut to Amy and Rory with shopping bags. Amy is looking through a history book, reading the story of how the Doctor was promptly incarcerated in the Tower of London, but days later flew away in a giant sphere through the sky. LOL. He so would, Glinda-style, baby! Rory seems amused. Amy follows up with another story, I think it’s WWII prison break, tunneling, and they tunnel into the Commandant’s office. Whoopsie! (Because as we all know, WWII prison camps were HILARIOUS … Jesus Christ, that’s terrify … let’s hope they were in the Hogan’s Heroes camp, ok?) Amy and Rory lounge together on the couch (awww) and Amy says “It's like he's being deliberately ridiculous, trying to attract our attention.” Well, yeah, he misses the other sides to his triangle, and he gets so easily distracted it’s rather dangerous.
Also, he’s in an old silent film. Hee hee!
Amy gets a letter that’s “TARDIS blue” with a date, time, and location. River Song gets one too! Fun music starts to play. Yaaaaaay!
The guards are nervous because River is packing. LOL.
YAAAAAAAAAAY! AMERICA!!!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!
Here’s hoping things go better than the last attempts at America, which included a President Bush Expy who got blown up, “Daleks in Manhattan,” and an obnoxious businessman who kept a Dalek but made up for that by stripping Nine and torturing him. Let’s face it, a fair portrayal of America, which contains a lot of Doctor Who fans, is long overdue.
Amy and Rory get off a bus somewhere in the Southwest, appropriately dressed for once and sporting large backpacks, the kind that I’ve had to haul around on hiking trips. Eleven is lounging nearby on the hood of a cool car, wearing a Swank Hat. He glomps Amy and Rory too, and I squee a lot because despite logic telling me it’s wrong I want to ship that OT3 HARD. Then River shoots off his hat for no apparent reason other than “we needed her to establish she’s SASSY” or whatever. *headdesk* Points off for that, show. Win them back quick, please.
They all go to a diner and River and Eleven sync their diaries. Awwwww! Eleven tells them all “I've been running...faster than I've ever run, and I've been running my whole life. Now it's time for me to stop. And tonight I'm going to need you all with me.” Which risks getting Angsty Lonely Ten on us at first but then he proposes a picnic and “Somewhere different, somewhere brand-new” and he’s back to his usual awesome not-very-angsty self. Where are they going? Space, 1969!
THEME SONG! *does the TARDIS Dance*
Picnic! *SQUEE* Amy asks Eleven “since when do you drink wine?” and he responds “I’m 1103, I must have drunk it sometime.” Finally, your real age! … maybe! You’re probably much older than that, but whatever, at least you’re not still claiming to be Yoda-aged. He then spits the wine out, disgusted, which was my reaction when I had a tiny sip of wine when I was eight. And when I tried it again when I was fifteen. (Wine is ICKY. High-five, Eleven!) Amy points out that he was 908 when they last saw him, and Eleven counters that she’s “put on a few pounds” but he wasn’t going to mention it. Heh heh … um, what if she’s preggers? *SPOILERS* I’m not supposed to talk about that! I’M SO SORRY!!!
Then Amy sees something creepy. It looks kinda like Slenderman and makes a chittering noise that really freaks me out, because Steven Moffat is the Lord of Our Nightmares and all. Worse, Amy can’t remember having seen it, but Rory remembers her saying “did you see that?” EEEEEEEK!
They talk about the Moon, and the landing in 1969, and then something strange happens.
A car drives up and an old man gets out and raises a hand to Eleven, who returns the greeting, looking conflicted and solemn and a little anguished. Then he turns around and there’s an astronaut standing in the lake. Um … what? Eleven tells the trio not to interfere, whatever happens, and goes over to the astronaut in the lake.
Then … more weirdness happens. Very shocking, depressing, horrible weirdness. Eleven seems to know who the astronaut is, seeing his face (we can’t see it) and they chat. Then the astronaut blasts him with green energy. River and Rory hold Amy back. They’re a long way away. Eleven starts to bleed sand … no, no he’s regenerating … he says he’s sorry to the trio (who are too far away) and starts to regenerate … and then the astronaut just blasts him again with green energy and staggers back into the lake. The trio run up to Eleven, who is dead. River’s readings confirm that, because he was shot mid-regeneration. She tries to shoot the astronaut, who fails. Amy cries and wonders if he was a clone or something and the old man comes up, says it was the Doctor and he is dead, and that the Doctor told him to bring them a can of gasoline. River explains that the body of a Time Lord would be valuable to any number of civilizations and they can’t leave a single cell behind for them, because they’d rip Earth apart. Very sad music is playing as this goes on. I feel like I just got promised a party and instead got kicked in the face. WTF? FIX THIS, SHOW!
Amy is sobbing, Rory is stunned but resolved, and River is shaken but resolved. Rory notices a boat in the distance and says “if we’re going to do this, let’s do it properly.” Have I mentioned lately that I love Rory?
So Eleven is given a Viking/Darth Vader funeral, and the music is great and subdued and the lighting is lovely and the quarto make an excellent shillohettes. River asks the old man who he is and why he’s there, he says “same reason as you” and holds out his invitation! Oooo! He says “Dr Song... Amy... Rory. I'm Canton Everett Delaware III. I won't be seeing you again. But...you'll be seeing me.” Then he ambles back to his car. I love that man, can he and Wilf go be best friends?
River noticed that the envelopes were numbered: Rory and Amy got 3, she got 2, and Canton got 4. So, who got 1? Amy is being depressed and dangerously close to emo, but River and Rory convince her to quit that pretty quickly.
(Also, have to get this out of my system: THE HERO OF CANTON, THE MAN THEY CALL JAAAAAAAAAAAAAYNE!!!!! … ok, I’m good now.)
They see the final envelope on the table in the diner and then who should step out from the back but Eleven! WHAT A DICK! River is mad. Amy glomps him. Rory is shocked and also gets a huggle.
This Eleven seems to have not met them today yet. He goes up to River as says “Oh, you bad, bad girl, what trouble have you got for me this time?” She SLAPS him! YEAH! *punches the air* You go, girl! Eleven makes a hilarious face and says “OK. I'm assuming that's for something I haven't done yet.” Lol, Pirates of the Caribbean reference!
Turns out this Eleven isn’t 1103, he’s 909. (Yeah right … you keep lyin’ when you oughta be truthin’ …)
River tells him that they’ve been recruited for something to do with space and 1969 and Canton, and it’s by “someone who trusts you” but it’s “spoilers” to tell him who that is.
Things are very confusing. They’re all in the TARDIS, Eleven prancing around and invading personal space like usual, but Amy is still in shock and she and River go off to talk about that. Eleven asks Rory “Rory, is everybody cross with me for some reason?” and he says “I’ll go find out!” and goes down to the girls. ILU Rory!
Things are very confusing. They debate the “we can’t tell him/future self/rip reality apart/we’ve done that already/yeah the universe exploded” and then Eleven pokes his head down and says “I'm being extremely clever up here, and there's no-one to stand around, looking impressed. What's the point in having you all?” LOL! ILU, Eleven, you’re not afraid to be open about your flaws. River turns to Rory and Amy and says “Couldn't you just slap him sometimes?” You just did, River …
Eleven tells them all he’s sending them all home – well, Rory and Amy, home “to make babies” and River back to prison – because they’re not telling him who sent the summons. “Don't play games with me. Don't ever, ever think you're capable of that.” OUCH! Yeah, that’s what I love about Eleven, he skips about like a child but he can be serious and grouchy and Merlin-like too. He’s perfect.
Anyhoodle, River says he needs to trust them, and he counters with “Trust you? Sure. But first of all, Dr Song, just one thing... Who are you? You're someone from my future, getting that, but who? OK... Why are you in prison? Who did you kill? Hmm? Now, I love a bad girl, me, but trust you? Seriously?” Oh, BURN!
Amy says “Trust me” and Eleven questions her more kindly than with River, and she gets him to trust them. He starts monologuing about Canton, asking who he is. We start to see who he is, in a bar, and OH MY GOD MARK SHEPPARD SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
INCOHERNT GLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
I WILL BE ENTIRELY USELESS FOR THE REST OF THIS EPISODEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
*FAINTS WITH JOY*
[No, really, I paused the episode, had dinner and started a movie with my mom, and then realized I was so tired and needed sleep for work the next day, so I went to bed. So, back to the episode!]
So, Nixon is President. We see Mark Sheppard (aka Canton, aka Badger, aka Sterling, aka The Reason I Have a Fetish for Cockney Accents) talking on the phone with Nixon and they snark back and forth and Mark is recruited for some secret mission because he used to be with the FBI, while we also see Eleven and the Gaang talking about Nixon and the mission. Eleven isn’t happy about Nixon, and River calls him a hippie. LOL! That is such an apt label for the Doctor at times!
Nixon and Canton (squee!) talk. Nixon called him because he’s been getting creepy phone calls, directly to his office, no matter where he is. It’s a kid saying “I’m scared of the spaceman.” While this is going on and the call plays, Eleven turns the TARDIS invisible and silent and sneaks into the room and starts taking notes. Then Nixon and Canton notice him. Eleven tries to flee, knocks his head on the invisible TARDIS, and Canton tackles him. (SQUEEEEEEE!) And a million fanfics were written!
River gets the scanner working, because she can work the TARDIS way better than the Doctor (nice subversion of the “women can’t drive/don’t know how to work vehicles” cliché, btw) and they see Eleven getting tackled and loads of secret Servicemen storming in, guns drawn. Eleven tells River from the ground to get the TARDIS visible again, which stuns the guards long enough for him to sit in the President’s chair and start flipping through files and saying “I’ll take the case.” Then he says “Fellas, the guns, really? I just walked into the highest security office in the United States, parked a big blue box on the rug. You think you can just shoot me?” River leaps out of the TARDIS and says “They’re Americans!” oh yes, because all Americans are gun-crazy. *headdesk* Sorry, it’s just that I’m very much in favor of American police not having so many guns, like in England, and I resent it when my country is touted as violent and reckless all the time. We’re not ALL like that, honest!
Amy and Rory come out of the TARDIS as well, Rory saying “Don't shoot us either! Very much not in need of getting shot! Look, we've got our hands up!” as he cringes adorably. Amy doesn’t have her hands up.
Nixon is befuddled. Canton seems to be taking things in stride. Eleven says he’s their new undercover agent from Scotland Yard, and the Trio are his “top operatives, the Legs, the Nose, and Mrs Robinson.” And I promptly die of laughter.
There’s a standoff about whether to shoot them or listen to them or whatever.
Canton: How'd you get it in here? I mean, you didn't carry it.
Eleven: Clever, eh?
Canton: Love it.
Angry Secret Service Agent: Do not compliment the intruder.
Bahahahaha! (Is … is Canton kinda flirting with Eleven? He’s certainly checking him out at least a little bit, right?)
Canton convinces Nixon to let Eleven have five minutes to explain about the phone call, seeing as Eleven got a giant blue box “and three of his friends” into the office and past security, so they’re worth listening to over security at the moment. Eleven thanks him. Canton says that if Eleven doesn’t deliver the info “I’ll shoot him myself.” Elevn deflates a little “Not so thanks.” Tee hee! Don’t worry, that just means I’m gonna write gunporn fanfic of you two later!
They look through maps.
Then Amy sees something TERRIFYING. She just looks up and there’s a … a thing. Creepy alien thing in a suit, hands are too long, scary chittering noise. She says “I remember” and flashes back to the thing at the lake, but once again forgets, though Rory heard her say she remembered. She says she feels sick. *sighs* And back under the bed I go …
Amy goes to the bathroom, but the THING is in there. AUUUUUUUUUGH! It’s even scarier now that we can see it clearly! I can’t describe it, but it’s incredibly scary. It has no mouth and its eyes are wrong. Amy tries to figure out what’s going on, and a lady comes out of a stall and sees it. She thinks it’s a mask, Amy tells her to get away from it, and once the lady turns her head she can’t remember it, but once she sees it again she remembers and auuuuuugh it’s creepy!
Then it gets WORSE. The lights start flickering (take a shot) creepy music plays (take another shot) the thing’s arms raise ominously and then it’s MOUTH THING OPENS AND IT SHOOTS SPARKS AT THE LADY AND SHE EXPLODES AND AUUUUUUGH IT’S MOUTH IS WRONG!!!
Amy says it didn’t have to kill the lady, terrified, and wonders if they can’t remember when they stop looking at it and takes a picture of it with her phone.
It says “Joy. Her name was Joy. Your name is Amelia. You will tell the Doctor.” AUUUUUGH IT’S SO CREEPY! Amy asks what, it replies (without using its horrible mouth) “What he must know. And what he must never know.” Amy leaves and forgets.
Meanwhile, Eleven has used the maps to find out where the call is coming from. Canton declares him a genius, to which Eleven replies “It’s a hobby.” Nixon gets another call from the kid. Eleven rushes for the TARDIS with the Trio and says “Canton, on no account follow me into this box and close the door behind you.” LOL! Canton does as he was not-told and the TARDIS vworps away. YAAAAY!
Inside the TARDIS Canton looks amazed in an honest kind of way. I love him. Eleven babbles that the kid, who claims to be called “Jefferson Adams Hamilton” is really named for three of the Founding Fathers. “Two of them fancied me.” EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeee!!!
Canton is having a bit of trouble coping, but again in a believable way. Rory is stuck with “dealing wit this” duty. Hee hee!
Turns out the names were the street juncture the kid was at. Canton stumbles out of the TARDIS, staggering and spinning a little, arms out, “We’ve moved … how have we moved?” he says, laughing a little, eyes wide with wonder. Did I mention I love him? Because I do. And it’s not just because I love Mark Sheppard, though that is a part of it.
Amy: Why would anyone want to trap us?
Doctor: Don't know. Let's see if anyone tries to kill us, and work backwards.
Lol, why do I feel like that’s his usual plan for, like, everything?
There’s obviously-alien stuff, along with probably-stolen stuff from the space program. Weird. Rory reports that he thinks Canton’s ok now. Canton tells Eleven “like your wheels.” Hee! Hee hee!
Amy and River discuss the “we can’t rewrite time / why not / because” again. Come on, you two, there’s a whole ’nother two seasons at the very least with Eleven, we all know he’s not gonna die!
River climbs down a manhole into some tunnels after a trail left by an alien.
Eleven: Shout if you get in trouble.
River: Don't worry, I'm quite the screamer. Now there's a spoiler for you!
Canton: So what's going on here?
Eleven: Nothing... She's just a friend.
Rory: I think he's talking about the possible alien incursion.
Bahahahahahahahaa! Can these five be together forever and ever, please?
Underground, River finds a whole bunch of the CREEPY FUCKING THINGS. *hides under the bed* Arrrrrrrrgh! NO WARNING! NO MERCY! FUCK YOU MOFFAT!
River climbs up, terrified … and then forgets, telling them it’s all clear, but she’s gonn have another look. Eleven sends Rory down with her, which Rory expresses reluctance for but does anyway.
They find a hatch that River wants to hack. (Nooooooo, you’ll run into the Dharma Initiative!) She and Rory have a poignant conversation about River and the Doctor, how she knows him more and more and he’ll know her less and less, and when she first met him he knew all about her, and how someday she’s gonna know everything about him and he’ll know nothing about her (Silence in the Library … *wibbles*) and it’s a great little scene between two characters, not overdone or overly dramatic, very natural feeling.
They get inside. It’s like a very low-budget and evil looking TARDIS console. River fiddles, an alarm goes off, Rory checks, sees the CREEPY FACE MONSTERS (need to come up with a clever name) freaks, and turns around … and says the coast is clear. River figures out that the tunnels are
Back upstairs, Amy chats with Canton:
Amy: So, you were kicked out of the FBI because you had attitude problems.
Canton: No. I just wanted to get married.
Amy: Is that a crime?
Canton: Yes.
So … either he wanted to get married to a black lady or a gay man. Or both.
The kid starts crying for help. Amy feels sick and says she has to tell Eleven something important, but he’s naturally distracted by the imminent danger and all. They search for the kid. Canton is found shortly, unconscious. Amy tells Eleven that she’s preggers. DUN DUN DAAAAAA!
Then an astronaut slowly stomps into the room. It raises its arm.
Amy remembers the other astronaut and goes for Canton’s gun. The visor goes up: it’s an actual little girl, crying for help! But Amy doesn’t see that, she’s readying the gun. Eleven asks “What are you doing?” and she replies “Saving your life” and shoots and then screams when she realizes what she’s done and it’s all in slo-mo and very intense.
Next episode!
Oh dear god, it looks so epic! Crazy lights and those monsters and Rory all covered in soot and about to be shot and River in a pretty dress falling off of a building and somebody screaming and Amy being smug and I wish I could watch it now but I’m so sleep and sore and I have a date with my boyfriend tomorrow so I need my sleep.
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Date: 2011-12-28 02:23 pm (UTC)These narratives of yours are always fun to read.