18th Birthday
Aug. 18th, 2011 12:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aunt_zelda Today's my eighteenth birthday.
So I can tell the whole internet how old I am, at long last. I've come a long way since that blushing thirteen-and-a-half-year-old who posted Mylar fanfiction and rambling recaps of Heroes episodes.
Sometimes I feel my age, all grown up as it were, especially when I'm driving around by myself, making wrong turns and blasting music and deciding where to go. Mostly I don't feel old enough at all. Sometimes I feel like a lost little kid. Then I start to feel scared, and then I want to cry. I don't want to grow up.
But I can vote now. That's awesome. LJ won't give me messages about content being "for adults only" anymore. That's also awesome.
(For those of you keeping score, I was 15-and-a-half when I posted 'Nerd-on-Critic Action' and 16 when Bennett read my fanfic to the world.)
The reasons I've been less than prolific with my writing over the past two years is because I was busy with my junior and senior years of high school, the SATs, my enormous senior project of doom, visiting and applying to colleges, learning to drive, getting a job, having my first boyfriend, and stressing about most of that in a very time-consuming way.
I'm not a kid anymore. I may still feel like one, but I'm not. Lots of people are going to expect me to do a lot of things by myself with no help whatsoever, and that's TERRIFYING to me. They're going to say things like "I'm not going to hold your hand" or "I'm not your mother." I'm NOT READY.
I'm excited about college. It's going to be awesome and fun and I'm going to learn so much and meet so many cool people and it's what I've been working towards for years. It's cool that I'm eighteen now.
Right now, around midnight, I feel kinda sad and kinda scared and kinda anxious, all mixed up with sleepiness and excitement and anticipation. I'm gonna be ok. I just don't feel so ok right now.
So I can tell the whole internet how old I am, at long last. I've come a long way since that blushing thirteen-and-a-half-year-old who posted Mylar fanfiction and rambling recaps of Heroes episodes.
Sometimes I feel my age, all grown up as it were, especially when I'm driving around by myself, making wrong turns and blasting music and deciding where to go. Mostly I don't feel old enough at all. Sometimes I feel like a lost little kid. Then I start to feel scared, and then I want to cry. I don't want to grow up.
But I can vote now. That's awesome. LJ won't give me messages about content being "for adults only" anymore. That's also awesome.
(For those of you keeping score, I was 15-and-a-half when I posted 'Nerd-on-Critic Action' and 16 when Bennett read my fanfic to the world.)
The reasons I've been less than prolific with my writing over the past two years is because I was busy with my junior and senior years of high school, the SATs, my enormous senior project of doom, visiting and applying to colleges, learning to drive, getting a job, having my first boyfriend, and stressing about most of that in a very time-consuming way.
I'm not a kid anymore. I may still feel like one, but I'm not. Lots of people are going to expect me to do a lot of things by myself with no help whatsoever, and that's TERRIFYING to me. They're going to say things like "I'm not going to hold your hand" or "I'm not your mother." I'm NOT READY.
I'm excited about college. It's going to be awesome and fun and I'm going to learn so much and meet so many cool people and it's what I've been working towards for years. It's cool that I'm eighteen now.
Right now, around midnight, I feel kinda sad and kinda scared and kinda anxious, all mixed up with sleepiness and excitement and anticipation. I'm gonna be ok. I just don't feel so ok right now.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 04:13 am (UTC)Always enjoy the stage you are, even if right now you don't feel old enough, you definitely have grown up.
Always remember that crying is not bad thing, is part of the way you express your feelings and even if a lot of people expect you to do things by yourself, never be afraid of asking for help if you need it, the fact that you're older now doesn't mean you don't get to ask for help, on the contrary, asking is part of learning.
Lots of hugs and my best wishes for you!
no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 04:17 am (UTC)I don't think anyone ever feels truly adult, tbh. I'm turning 21 next week and I sure don't feel like an adult, hahaha.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 06:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 08:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 10:04 am (UTC)also some garlic. you keep saying that the answer is garlic.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 10:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 10:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 11:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 11:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 12:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 02:08 pm (UTC)Happy birthday and enjoy every day to the fullest!
no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 03:00 pm (UTC)Happy b-day, zel. :)
no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 03:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 03:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 05:10 pm (UTC)Don't worry about feeling old or young. I'm 27, and I regularly feel both too old and too young.
♥!!
no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 09:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-19 03:51 am (UTC)