What aunt_zelda Thinks: The Big Bang
Jan. 2nd, 2011 09:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aunt_zeldaThe Big Bang:
Previously on Doctor Who: the universe … ended. Yet somehow we’re still here!
1,894 years later …
Amy’s creeptastic house of whimsy. Young!Amy prays to Santa Christ to help her with the crack in her wall. It’s exactly the same as the beginning of the first episode of this season … except when Amy looks outside there’s nothing.
Later on Amy’s painted a painting. Yellow moon, yellow stars, blue night sky. Her aunt some lady get upset that she’s drawing stars in the sky. They take her outside and she confirms that there are no stars in the sky. Some Lady makes Amelia look at her and says “You know this is all just a story, don't you? You know there's no such thing as stars.” Um … why are you worried about this? Amy is little kid here. Kids draw all kinds of weird stuff. I used to draw people with ginormous heads and mermaids and dragons. Didn’t mean I believed in it, I just drew them. Why is this so serious, have they never heard of abstract art?
Amy lies awake in bed listening to Some Lady and her aunt talk about stars. Some Lady says “It's quite common, actually. Throughout history, people have talked about stars in the sky. God knows where it comes from.” I think it’s weird that they have a word for stars. I mean, throughout history people have drawn dragons and told stories about vampires, and almost every Creation Myth talks about a Great Flood, why does this warrant Aunt calling in a psychiatrist? (I don’t know why this is making me so uncomfortable, but it is. Amy’s not dismembering animals or talking about monsters that tell her to kill things, she’s just drawing pretty pictures. How is this weird?! Why does the Aunt care?! This is the woman who left her alone at night!) Aunt says she doesn’t want Amy to grow up and “join one of those Star Cults” because she doesn’t trust some guy called “Richard Dawkins.”
Amy sees a guy in a funny hat slip a note through the mail slot and run off. She runs to get it.
The thing is a brochure of a museum. Circled in red is the Pandorica. Written on the back is “Come along, Pond.” Hee.
Cut to Auntie taking Amy to the museum. Amy drags Auntie through the place until she reaches some petrified Dalek statues. She stares at them long enough for the audience’s shock to wear off, then goes in to see the Pandorica. Someone snatches Amy’s drink and leaves a note (still with the red ink, gotta love that continuity!) that says “Stick around, Pond.” Amy hides from her Auntie. Auntie searches, intercoms tell Amy to come to reception for her aunt … and everyone leaves. The place is deserted. Amy is still there. (Ok, maybe calling the child psychologist wasn’t that weird of a move, maybe mental illness runs in her family and she does stuff besides draw stars in the sky.) She crawls out from behind some penguins, and cutely says “sorry” when she knocks some over. Awww. She touches the Pandorica, and it opens epically, to reveal … AMY POND??!?!?!??!!
“Ok, kid,” Amy says, in the second bondage chair she’s been strapped into this season. “This is where it gets complicated.”
I’ll say! *picks up jaw from floor*
Credits! I like these credits now! (Funny, it took me about this long to like the Tenth Doctor. Weird.)
Back in the past, Rory cradles Amy’s body and talks sadly about how they’ll never be born now. He says “The Doctor said the universe was huge and ridiculous, and sometimes there were miracles. I could do with a ridiculous miracle about now.”
Which is of course Eleven’s cue to zap into existence with a mop, a large red fez, and a Time Agent wristband. He yelps “Rory! Listen, she's not dead. Well, she is dead, but it's not the end of the world. Well, it is the end of the world. Actually, it's the end of the universe. Oh, no. Hang on!” he zaps away, then zaps back, without the mop. I guess the mop is important. He tells Rory to open the Pandorica with the sonic screwdriver (which he gives him) and when he’s done put said screwdriver into Amy’s pocket. Then he zaps away. Poor Rory is most confuzzled. He opens the Pandorica with the screwdriver (all the enemies have been fossilized somehow. Weird. Eleven asks how he opened it up. Rory says he did it with the sonic screwdriver, which Eleven gave to him. “No I didn’t,” Eleven says, holding up his sonic screwdriver. (GAH! The time paradoxes! MY BRAIN!!!!!!!) Eleven eyes the fossilized enemies: some have crumbles to dust, others are whole. Rory asks what that means “Total event collapse. The universe literally never happened.” Yipes! Rory asks what’s keeping them from collapsing, and Eleven says “Nothing. Eye of the storm, that's all. We're just the last light to go out.” *shudders* Then he finds out about Amy. He tells Rory that he’s a Nestene, all plastic, and it’s software talking, not him. Even then, Rory asks if the Doctor can save Amy. He says he could save her, if there was time. Rory gets mad. Eleven says “All of creation has just been wiped from the sky. Do you know how many lives now never happened? All the people who never lived? Your girlfriend isn't more important than the whole universe!” Rory punches Eleven and screams “SHE IS TO ME!” Ah, but that was a test! Eleven had to be sure, you see.
They lock her in the Pandorica. Eleven touches her forehead to leave a memory so she’ll know what’s up when she wakes up. She’s only “mostly dead” (is that a shout-out to The Princess Bride?) and if the Pandorica gets a sample of her living DNA it’ll bring her back to life. Rory asks how that’ll work, and Eleven cutely checks his watch and says “in about 2,000 years.”
In the museum Amy wakes up (for simplicity’s sake I’m gonna call adult!Amy Amy and young!Amy Amelia, ok?) Amy staggers and says that the Doctor’s voice in her head is telling her she needs to rest, and then she says “it’s a long story” and then sees a timeline on the wall of the History of the Pandorica (captured by the Franks, for example) and says “a very long story.”
Eleven puts on River’s Time Agent bracelet and prepares to go off. Rory wants to stay and protect Amy. Despite Eleven’s pleading, he won’t budge, because she’ll be safer if he stays. *headdesk* This woman does not deserve your loyalty, Rory! Exasperated but impressed, Eleven asks “Why do you have to be so...human?” Rory says “Because right now I’m not.” *wibbles* Eleven warns Rory that he’s not indestructible and any damage is permanent and heat can melt him, then zaps away.
Amy watches a video on the Pandorica, which is talking about the legend of the Centurian who’s protected the box throughout the ages, warning people not to open it before its time. The last recorded sighting was during the London Blitz, when he dragged it from a burning warehouse. People speculate that he died then, “performing one last act of devotion to the box he had pledged to protect for nearly 2,000 years.” *sniffles* Amy cries.
“EXTERMINATE!” screeches a Dalek. YIPES!
The Doctor shows up and drags the Amys off, grabbing a fez when he reaches a dead end. A watchman shows up. Then its hand snaps down and RORY shoots the Dalek. *SQUEE* ILU RORY!!! Amy and Rory hug and makeout profusely, much to the Doctor’s … distress? Embarrassment? Oh, just join them, you silly Merlin expy. Amelia tugs on the Doctor’s sleep and says she’s thirsty, could she get a drink? He says “It’s all mouths today, isn’t it?” HEE! The light from the Pandorica is what woke up the Dalek … and it wakes up again. The gang flees. Eleven puts the fez on his head for lack of a better thing to do with it. Rory yelps “The mop! That's how you looked all those years ago when you gave me the sonic.” Eleven says “No time to lose, then!” and zaps to do that. What follows is a sequence of hilarious and rather brilliant scenes of Eleven zapping in and out and keeping the time loop stable, getting the sonic from Amy’s pocket and leaving Amelia notes and grabbing her drink to give back to her. HEE! Amy asks what the bracelet is and Eleven says “Vortex manipulator...cheap and nasty time travel. Very bad for you. I'm trying to give it up.” HEE! HEE HEE!
Then Future!Eleven zaps in front of them, smoking and stunned. He topples down the staircase and falls down. Present!Eleven scans him, and yeah, it’s really him. Then Future!Eleven lunges up and whispers something into his ear, then dies. Yipes. He’s got twelve minutes. Oh, and Amelia is gone. History is collapsing, she doesn’t exist anymore. The Trio remains because they’re “anomalies.”
They go up onto the roof: now it’s daytime, because the universe is collapsing. Ever star should have collapsed … so what’s hat in the sky? It’s the TARDIS, exploding. *wibbles* Eleven uses a satellite dish to hear the sound of the ‘sun’ … it’s the vworp vworp noise. *sniffles* There’s another noise too, River saying “I’m sorry, my love.” She’s stuck in a time loop: she messes with the controls, opens the door, finds a sheer face of rock, says “I’m sorry, my love” and explodes. Then it happens all over again. *wibbles* This is so horrible!
Eleven zaps in and saves her, zapping her out to the roof. River says “Amy! And … the plastic Centurian?” Eleven says “Don’t worry, he’s on our side.” River says “I dated a Nestene duplicate once... swappable head, it did keep things fresh.” *snerk* They’re really fitting in quite a lot of naughty jokes this season, aren’t they? River says she has a lot of questions “But number one is this... What in the name of sanity have you got on your head?” HEE! Eleven says “It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool.” Is this gonna become a running joke? ‘This is an X. I wear X now. Xs are cool.’ Amy grabs the fez and chucks it into the air and River vaporizes it with her gun. HEE! HEE HEE! (And now I have a new OT3 … dammit, this season is making me ship too many pairings!) But we barely have time to register that joke because the Dalek is floating up! They’d be much more effective if they didn’t have to shriek “EXTERMINATE!!!” all the time. Calling Your Attacks, much?
They escape, deflecting the blasts with the satellite dish, and Eleven starts talking REALLY fast. Too fast for poor Rory. *huggles Rory* The end result is that the Pandorica has atoms from the universe that was inside, so they can “reboot the universe” with that.
The Dalek comes back and zaps Eleven. Eleven zaps to twelve minutes ago to tell himself something. River is distraught. She tells Amy and Rory to go find the Doctor and stares down the Dalek. It’s power is still restoring, so its shields aren’t so good. One zap from her raygun and it’ll be down. “Records indicate you will show mercy. You are an associate of the Doctor's!” it shrieks. She says “I’m River Song. Check your records again.” It does, and squeaks (well, as much as a Dalek’s robotic shriek can ‘squeak’) “Mercy?” She makes it say it again, and again … and then she shoots it.
Rory and Amy go to the staircase: the coat is there, but the Doctor isn’t. River comes back and, when they tell her the Doctor told them he was dead, says “Rule Number One: the Doctor lies.”
They find the Doctor inside the Pandorica. The museum is fading. He manages to whisper the plan to River: if they fly the Pandorica into the TARDIS, which is exploding in every moment in time, the light of the Pandorica will shine everywhere, and the Big Bang 2 will happen. Something to do with the Time Agent bracelet and the Doctor flying it into the explosion … I don’t even know, it’s all technobabble and magic, really.
Amy asks River what’ll happen if this works. “We all wake up where we ought to be. None of this ever happens and we don't remember it.” Ah. But the Doctor won’t survive it, because “all the cracks in time will close, but he'll be on the wrong side... Trapped in the never-space, the void between the worlds. All memory of him will be purged from the universe. He will never have been born.” *shudders* Good GOD, Moffat! No one will argue that you write a better season finale than RTD, but could you lay off the ‘everything ENDS FOREVER’ aspect a bit?
Eleven wants to talk to Amy before he goes. Amy is confused, shouldn’t he want to talk to River? She says “He doesn’t really know me yet. Now he never will.” *sniffles*
Amy goes over to Eleven. They talk. Apparently the crack in her wall ate up everything and everyone who was in that big house, her mom and dad and her whole family. Good GOD … *shudders* He tells her that if she remembers them, they’ll come back after all of this. She doesn’t care, she wants HIM to survive. And then I start crying because he says “You'll have your family back. You won't need your imaginary friend any more.” GAH! *sniffles and wipes away real tears* Oh god … the whole theme of childhood and fairy tales and growing up and moving on and … *sniffles* Eleven flies the Pandorica up into the explosion and I cry. He texts River “Geronimo” and I cry. The explosion turns into a variety of Mac desktop backgrounds and I cry.
Then for a horrible moment he thinks he survived and he’s back on the TARDIS: but no, it’s a series of flashbacks as he’s erased. It’s awful. We see clips from episodes, and he tries to make contact with Amy. Eventually he does, during that touching scene from the Angels Two-Parter where they touch foreheads.
Eleven flashes to when Amelia was waiting for him out in the garden. He picks her up and carries her inside and puts her to bed and talks to her and I cry some more because he talks about how when she wakes up she’ll have parents and not remember him at all. “Well, you'll remember me a little. I'll be a story in your head. But that's OK. We're all stories in the end. Just make it a good one, eh? Cos it was, you know. It was the best. A daft old man who stole a magic box and ran away. Did I ever tell you that I stole it? Well, I borrowed it. I was always going to take it back. Oh, that box, Amy. You'll dream about that box. It'll never leave you. Big and little at the same time. Brand new and ancient. And the bluest blue ever. And the times we had, eh? Woulda had... Never had. In your dreams, they'll still be there. The Doctor and Amy Pond. And the days that never came.” Matt Smith acts the HELL out of this scene. “The cracks are closing. But they can't close properly until I'm on the other side. I don't belong here any more. I think I'll skip the rest of the rewind. I hate repeats. Live well. Love Rory.*kisses her* Bye bye, Pond.” He walks into the crack in space/time … and vanishes. Amy wakes up. There are stars again. I cry.
Adult!Amy wakes up in bed, glances over her tables of Doctor paraphernalia, and rests her eyes upon her wedding dress. Her MOM walks in with a breakfast tray. Amy is shocked “You’re my mum!” and then wonders why she’s shocked. She sees her dad and glomps him. Amy calls Rory and asks if he feels like there’s a huge thing in his brain he’s forgotten. Rory agrees because she’s Amy. Amy sees her wedding dress and smiles.
Cut to the reception! Awwwwwwwww! I love weddings! It’s a pretty one, with a red and gold theme. Amy looks beautiful (she always does, even when she’s covered in space whale sick.) Amy spots River Song through a window and is shocked … then sits back down because Rory’s concerned. She’s crying, not because she’s happy, but because she’s sad. This upsets Rory, because he is too good for this girl who doesn’t want to grow up. He hands her River’s journal. Amy flips through it: it’s blank. Rory alludes to the saying for weddings: ‘something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.’ That’s the TARDIS in a nutshell, innit?
Amy starts to remember as her father makes a speech. She sees a bowtie on one guy and suspenders on another. A tear SLAMS onto the dairy and Amy stands up and tells her dad to ‘shut up’ and says that “someone’s missing. Someone important.” She starts to talk about when she was a kid she had an “imaginary friend.” Rory and her mom sigh in exhasperation. Amy shouts “I remember you! I remember! I brought the others back, I can bring you home, too. Raggedy man, I remember you, and you are late for my wedding!” The glasses start to shake. Amy says “I found you. I found you in words, like you knew I would. That's why you told me the story...the brand new, ancient blue box. Oh, clever. Very clever.” Rory asks what it is, and Amy says “Something old. Something new. Something borrowed. Something blue.” And I almost cry all over again.
The TARDIS vworps into existence and Rory says ‘”It’s the Doctor … how did we forget the Doctor?!” Amy hikes up her skirts and runs over the table and knocks on the door. “OK, Doctor. Did I surprise you this time?” Eleven opens the door in full regalia (it’s quite snappy) and says “Er, yeah. Completely astonished. Never expected that. How lucky I happened to be wearing this old thing.” He gets out and spins around saying “Hello, everyone. I'm Amy's imaginary friend, but I came anyway.” AWWWWWW! Amy leans forward and says “You absolutely, definitely may kiss the bride.” He puts a finger to her lips and says “From now on, I shall be leaving the... kissing duties to the brand new Mr Pond.” (But you can do other stuff, right? *kicks self* Oh come on! He shows up dressed like a groom and he has all that adorable chemistry with Rory … it could work in really embarrassing fanfiction!) Rory protests that he’s not “Mr. Pond” and that’s not how it works, but Eleven says yes, yes it is. Rory agrees. HEE! Eleven says he’ll move “his box” because they’re going to need the space and “I only came for the dancing!”
Cut to Eleven dancing like a … like a chicken. Not in a good way, either. It’s not the chicken-dance, it’s just … strange. I’m gonna sporfle forever, ok? It’s like … it’s like ANGEL dancing! Amy laughs “You're terrible. That is embarrassing!” Cut to eleven TEACHING ALL THE CHILDREN AT THE PARTY TO DO THE DANCE! I will never stop giggling over that! That is ADORABLE! You know how Ten had his scene where he cuddled talking kitties? Well, this is Eleven’s equivalent. At least for me, right now.
Cut to a slow dance at the end of the party. Rory and Amy are dancing and adorable and it’s so squeeful I think I’m gonna implode. Eleven watches from the doorway and says “2,000 years. The boy who waited. Good on you, mate.” Awwwwwwwwwwww!
Eleven’s back at his TARDIS. River comes up behind him and asks if he “danced.” (Meaning moving around to music, not the season 1 meaning of “dancing” … I think. Unless that’s a Continuity Nod or something?) He gives her back his journal (which he promises he did not peek in) and her Time Agent Bracelet. He asks if she’s married. She asks if he’s asking. He says yes. She says yes. It’s one of those ‘ask two questions, person refuses to answer which they answered ‘yes’ to’ deals. He asks who she is. She says “You're going to find out very soon now. And I'm sorry, but that's when everything changes.” Then she zaps away. What, no kiss?! *wibbles* What’s the point of having all these cougars this season and no kissing the Doctor? Don’t let his only kiss be from Amy the Molesting Creep!
Then something awesome happens. Eleven dances up the steps and then Amy barrels into the TARDIS with Rory behind her. She shouts “Oi! Where are you off to? We haven't even had a snog in the shrubbery yet!” Rory protests at that, and Amy says “It’s MY wedding” and Rory says “OUR wedding!” Lack of fidelity is FUNNY when it’s the woman instead of the man! Eleven says he’s busy. Rory suggests that since he just saved the universe he should take the night off. (Mmmmmhhhmmmm … ‘take the night off’ indeed … wedding night, oooooooh yeaaaaaaaah … *hums porno music and makes suggestive winks in their general direction* … *kicks self* Bad Zelda! No cookie!) Eleven says that the “silence” thing is still out there and whoever dragged the TARDIS to Amy’s wedding day is still out there and there’s much to be done besides. Then he gets a call, to which he responds “Oh! Hello. I'm sorry, this is a very bad line. No, but that's not possible. She was sealed into the Seventh Obelisk. I was at the prayer meeting. Well, no, I get that it's important. An Egyptian goddess loose on the Orient Express…in space! Give us a mo.” That sounds REALLY COOL! (And it’ll probably end up being a Noodle Incident.) He apologizes but says “this will have to be goodbye.” Amy asks Rory if he thinks this is goodbye. Rory agrees. Amy opens the TARDIS door and bellows “GOODBYE!” and waves. Then she shuts the door. The Doctor grins, like swanzing off with a married couple and adventures in time and space isn’t fuel for a myriad of very smutty OT3 fanfictions. Eleven says into his phone “Don’t worry about a thing, Your Majesty, we’re on our way.”
And to triumphant music, they zoom off into the credit sequence.
Well, that was …
… that was …
THAT WAS BLOODY FANTASTIC, THAT WAS!
Were there not-so-good episodes? Yes. Did the bad outweigh the good? HELL NO! Do I accept Matt Smith as the Doctor? OH YES! Am I still mad about Amy almost raping the Doctor? OF COURSE! Did I enjoy this season as a whole? GOD YES!
Steven Moffat is THE MAN and there was so much nightmare fuel but there was also so much fetish fuel and the atmospheres and underlying themes were so good and “Vincent and the Doctor” is still tearing up my soul and the finale WAS ACTUALLY GOOD FOR ONCE THANK HEAVEN AND HELL AND PURGATORY!!!
Best of all? It wasn’t a reset button at the end of the series, it’s going to grow and develop and keep with myth arcs and River and the same companions but they’ve changed and … UNF. Yes. God, this was fantastic and I loved it.
Previously on Doctor Who: the universe … ended. Yet somehow we’re still here!
1,894 years later …
Amy’s creeptastic house of whimsy. Young!Amy prays to Santa Christ to help her with the crack in her wall. It’s exactly the same as the beginning of the first episode of this season … except when Amy looks outside there’s nothing.
Later on Amy’s painted a painting. Yellow moon, yellow stars, blue night sky. Her aunt some lady get upset that she’s drawing stars in the sky. They take her outside and she confirms that there are no stars in the sky. Some Lady makes Amelia look at her and says “You know this is all just a story, don't you? You know there's no such thing as stars.” Um … why are you worried about this? Amy is little kid here. Kids draw all kinds of weird stuff. I used to draw people with ginormous heads and mermaids and dragons. Didn’t mean I believed in it, I just drew them. Why is this so serious, have they never heard of abstract art?
Amy lies awake in bed listening to Some Lady and her aunt talk about stars. Some Lady says “It's quite common, actually. Throughout history, people have talked about stars in the sky. God knows where it comes from.” I think it’s weird that they have a word for stars. I mean, throughout history people have drawn dragons and told stories about vampires, and almost every Creation Myth talks about a Great Flood, why does this warrant Aunt calling in a psychiatrist? (I don’t know why this is making me so uncomfortable, but it is. Amy’s not dismembering animals or talking about monsters that tell her to kill things, she’s just drawing pretty pictures. How is this weird?! Why does the Aunt care?! This is the woman who left her alone at night!) Aunt says she doesn’t want Amy to grow up and “join one of those Star Cults” because she doesn’t trust some guy called “Richard Dawkins.”
Amy sees a guy in a funny hat slip a note through the mail slot and run off. She runs to get it.
The thing is a brochure of a museum. Circled in red is the Pandorica. Written on the back is “Come along, Pond.” Hee.
Cut to Auntie taking Amy to the museum. Amy drags Auntie through the place until she reaches some petrified Dalek statues. She stares at them long enough for the audience’s shock to wear off, then goes in to see the Pandorica. Someone snatches Amy’s drink and leaves a note (still with the red ink, gotta love that continuity!) that says “Stick around, Pond.” Amy hides from her Auntie. Auntie searches, intercoms tell Amy to come to reception for her aunt … and everyone leaves. The place is deserted. Amy is still there. (Ok, maybe calling the child psychologist wasn’t that weird of a move, maybe mental illness runs in her family and she does stuff besides draw stars in the sky.) She crawls out from behind some penguins, and cutely says “sorry” when she knocks some over. Awww. She touches the Pandorica, and it opens epically, to reveal … AMY POND??!?!?!??!!
“Ok, kid,” Amy says, in the second bondage chair she’s been strapped into this season. “This is where it gets complicated.”
I’ll say! *picks up jaw from floor*
Credits! I like these credits now! (Funny, it took me about this long to like the Tenth Doctor. Weird.)
Back in the past, Rory cradles Amy’s body and talks sadly about how they’ll never be born now. He says “The Doctor said the universe was huge and ridiculous, and sometimes there were miracles. I could do with a ridiculous miracle about now.”
Which is of course Eleven’s cue to zap into existence with a mop, a large red fez, and a Time Agent wristband. He yelps “Rory! Listen, she's not dead. Well, she is dead, but it's not the end of the world. Well, it is the end of the world. Actually, it's the end of the universe. Oh, no. Hang on!” he zaps away, then zaps back, without the mop. I guess the mop is important. He tells Rory to open the Pandorica with the sonic screwdriver (which he gives him) and when he’s done put said screwdriver into Amy’s pocket. Then he zaps away. Poor Rory is most confuzzled. He opens the Pandorica with the screwdriver (all the enemies have been fossilized somehow. Weird. Eleven asks how he opened it up. Rory says he did it with the sonic screwdriver, which Eleven gave to him. “No I didn’t,” Eleven says, holding up his sonic screwdriver. (GAH! The time paradoxes! MY BRAIN!!!!!!!) Eleven eyes the fossilized enemies: some have crumbles to dust, others are whole. Rory asks what that means “Total event collapse. The universe literally never happened.” Yipes! Rory asks what’s keeping them from collapsing, and Eleven says “Nothing. Eye of the storm, that's all. We're just the last light to go out.” *shudders* Then he finds out about Amy. He tells Rory that he’s a Nestene, all plastic, and it’s software talking, not him. Even then, Rory asks if the Doctor can save Amy. He says he could save her, if there was time. Rory gets mad. Eleven says “All of creation has just been wiped from the sky. Do you know how many lives now never happened? All the people who never lived? Your girlfriend isn't more important than the whole universe!” Rory punches Eleven and screams “SHE IS TO ME!” Ah, but that was a test! Eleven had to be sure, you see.
They lock her in the Pandorica. Eleven touches her forehead to leave a memory so she’ll know what’s up when she wakes up. She’s only “mostly dead” (is that a shout-out to The Princess Bride?) and if the Pandorica gets a sample of her living DNA it’ll bring her back to life. Rory asks how that’ll work, and Eleven cutely checks his watch and says “in about 2,000 years.”
In the museum Amy wakes up (for simplicity’s sake I’m gonna call adult!Amy Amy and young!Amy Amelia, ok?) Amy staggers and says that the Doctor’s voice in her head is telling her she needs to rest, and then she says “it’s a long story” and then sees a timeline on the wall of the History of the Pandorica (captured by the Franks, for example) and says “a very long story.”
Eleven puts on River’s Time Agent bracelet and prepares to go off. Rory wants to stay and protect Amy. Despite Eleven’s pleading, he won’t budge, because she’ll be safer if he stays. *headdesk* This woman does not deserve your loyalty, Rory! Exasperated but impressed, Eleven asks “Why do you have to be so...human?” Rory says “Because right now I’m not.” *wibbles* Eleven warns Rory that he’s not indestructible and any damage is permanent and heat can melt him, then zaps away.
Amy watches a video on the Pandorica, which is talking about the legend of the Centurian who’s protected the box throughout the ages, warning people not to open it before its time. The last recorded sighting was during the London Blitz, when he dragged it from a burning warehouse. People speculate that he died then, “performing one last act of devotion to the box he had pledged to protect for nearly 2,000 years.” *sniffles* Amy cries.
“EXTERMINATE!” screeches a Dalek. YIPES!
The Doctor shows up and drags the Amys off, grabbing a fez when he reaches a dead end. A watchman shows up. Then its hand snaps down and RORY shoots the Dalek. *SQUEE* ILU RORY!!! Amy and Rory hug and makeout profusely, much to the Doctor’s … distress? Embarrassment? Oh, just join them, you silly Merlin expy. Amelia tugs on the Doctor’s sleep and says she’s thirsty, could she get a drink? He says “It’s all mouths today, isn’t it?” HEE! The light from the Pandorica is what woke up the Dalek … and it wakes up again. The gang flees. Eleven puts the fez on his head for lack of a better thing to do with it. Rory yelps “The mop! That's how you looked all those years ago when you gave me the sonic.” Eleven says “No time to lose, then!” and zaps to do that. What follows is a sequence of hilarious and rather brilliant scenes of Eleven zapping in and out and keeping the time loop stable, getting the sonic from Amy’s pocket and leaving Amelia notes and grabbing her drink to give back to her. HEE! Amy asks what the bracelet is and Eleven says “Vortex manipulator...cheap and nasty time travel. Very bad for you. I'm trying to give it up.” HEE! HEE HEE!
Then Future!Eleven zaps in front of them, smoking and stunned. He topples down the staircase and falls down. Present!Eleven scans him, and yeah, it’s really him. Then Future!Eleven lunges up and whispers something into his ear, then dies. Yipes. He’s got twelve minutes. Oh, and Amelia is gone. History is collapsing, she doesn’t exist anymore. The Trio remains because they’re “anomalies.”
They go up onto the roof: now it’s daytime, because the universe is collapsing. Ever star should have collapsed … so what’s hat in the sky? It’s the TARDIS, exploding. *wibbles* Eleven uses a satellite dish to hear the sound of the ‘sun’ … it’s the vworp vworp noise. *sniffles* There’s another noise too, River saying “I’m sorry, my love.” She’s stuck in a time loop: she messes with the controls, opens the door, finds a sheer face of rock, says “I’m sorry, my love” and explodes. Then it happens all over again. *wibbles* This is so horrible!
Eleven zaps in and saves her, zapping her out to the roof. River says “Amy! And … the plastic Centurian?” Eleven says “Don’t worry, he’s on our side.” River says “I dated a Nestene duplicate once... swappable head, it did keep things fresh.” *snerk* They’re really fitting in quite a lot of naughty jokes this season, aren’t they? River says she has a lot of questions “But number one is this... What in the name of sanity have you got on your head?” HEE! Eleven says “It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool.” Is this gonna become a running joke? ‘This is an X. I wear X now. Xs are cool.’ Amy grabs the fez and chucks it into the air and River vaporizes it with her gun. HEE! HEE HEE! (And now I have a new OT3 … dammit, this season is making me ship too many pairings!) But we barely have time to register that joke because the Dalek is floating up! They’d be much more effective if they didn’t have to shriek “EXTERMINATE!!!” all the time. Calling Your Attacks, much?
They escape, deflecting the blasts with the satellite dish, and Eleven starts talking REALLY fast. Too fast for poor Rory. *huggles Rory* The end result is that the Pandorica has atoms from the universe that was inside, so they can “reboot the universe” with that.
The Dalek comes back and zaps Eleven. Eleven zaps to twelve minutes ago to tell himself something. River is distraught. She tells Amy and Rory to go find the Doctor and stares down the Dalek. It’s power is still restoring, so its shields aren’t so good. One zap from her raygun and it’ll be down. “Records indicate you will show mercy. You are an associate of the Doctor's!” it shrieks. She says “I’m River Song. Check your records again.” It does, and squeaks (well, as much as a Dalek’s robotic shriek can ‘squeak’) “Mercy?” She makes it say it again, and again … and then she shoots it.
Rory and Amy go to the staircase: the coat is there, but the Doctor isn’t. River comes back and, when they tell her the Doctor told them he was dead, says “Rule Number One: the Doctor lies.”
They find the Doctor inside the Pandorica. The museum is fading. He manages to whisper the plan to River: if they fly the Pandorica into the TARDIS, which is exploding in every moment in time, the light of the Pandorica will shine everywhere, and the Big Bang 2 will happen. Something to do with the Time Agent bracelet and the Doctor flying it into the explosion … I don’t even know, it’s all technobabble and magic, really.
Amy asks River what’ll happen if this works. “We all wake up where we ought to be. None of this ever happens and we don't remember it.” Ah. But the Doctor won’t survive it, because “all the cracks in time will close, but he'll be on the wrong side... Trapped in the never-space, the void between the worlds. All memory of him will be purged from the universe. He will never have been born.” *shudders* Good GOD, Moffat! No one will argue that you write a better season finale than RTD, but could you lay off the ‘everything ENDS FOREVER’ aspect a bit?
Eleven wants to talk to Amy before he goes. Amy is confused, shouldn’t he want to talk to River? She says “He doesn’t really know me yet. Now he never will.” *sniffles*
Amy goes over to Eleven. They talk. Apparently the crack in her wall ate up everything and everyone who was in that big house, her mom and dad and her whole family. Good GOD … *shudders* He tells her that if she remembers them, they’ll come back after all of this. She doesn’t care, she wants HIM to survive. And then I start crying because he says “You'll have your family back. You won't need your imaginary friend any more.” GAH! *sniffles and wipes away real tears* Oh god … the whole theme of childhood and fairy tales and growing up and moving on and … *sniffles* Eleven flies the Pandorica up into the explosion and I cry. He texts River “Geronimo” and I cry. The explosion turns into a variety of Mac desktop backgrounds and I cry.
Then for a horrible moment he thinks he survived and he’s back on the TARDIS: but no, it’s a series of flashbacks as he’s erased. It’s awful. We see clips from episodes, and he tries to make contact with Amy. Eventually he does, during that touching scene from the Angels Two-Parter where they touch foreheads.
Eleven flashes to when Amelia was waiting for him out in the garden. He picks her up and carries her inside and puts her to bed and talks to her and I cry some more because he talks about how when she wakes up she’ll have parents and not remember him at all. “Well, you'll remember me a little. I'll be a story in your head. But that's OK. We're all stories in the end. Just make it a good one, eh? Cos it was, you know. It was the best. A daft old man who stole a magic box and ran away. Did I ever tell you that I stole it? Well, I borrowed it. I was always going to take it back. Oh, that box, Amy. You'll dream about that box. It'll never leave you. Big and little at the same time. Brand new and ancient. And the bluest blue ever. And the times we had, eh? Woulda had... Never had. In your dreams, they'll still be there. The Doctor and Amy Pond. And the days that never came.” Matt Smith acts the HELL out of this scene. “The cracks are closing. But they can't close properly until I'm on the other side. I don't belong here any more. I think I'll skip the rest of the rewind. I hate repeats. Live well. Love Rory.*kisses her* Bye bye, Pond.” He walks into the crack in space/time … and vanishes. Amy wakes up. There are stars again. I cry.
Adult!Amy wakes up in bed, glances over her tables of Doctor paraphernalia, and rests her eyes upon her wedding dress. Her MOM walks in with a breakfast tray. Amy is shocked “You’re my mum!” and then wonders why she’s shocked. She sees her dad and glomps him. Amy calls Rory and asks if he feels like there’s a huge thing in his brain he’s forgotten. Rory agrees because she’s Amy. Amy sees her wedding dress and smiles.
Cut to the reception! Awwwwwwwww! I love weddings! It’s a pretty one, with a red and gold theme. Amy looks beautiful (she always does, even when she’s covered in space whale sick.) Amy spots River Song through a window and is shocked … then sits back down because Rory’s concerned. She’s crying, not because she’s happy, but because she’s sad. This upsets Rory, because he is too good for this girl who doesn’t want to grow up. He hands her River’s journal. Amy flips through it: it’s blank. Rory alludes to the saying for weddings: ‘something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.’ That’s the TARDIS in a nutshell, innit?
Amy starts to remember as her father makes a speech. She sees a bowtie on one guy and suspenders on another. A tear SLAMS onto the dairy and Amy stands up and tells her dad to ‘shut up’ and says that “someone’s missing. Someone important.” She starts to talk about when she was a kid she had an “imaginary friend.” Rory and her mom sigh in exhasperation. Amy shouts “I remember you! I remember! I brought the others back, I can bring you home, too. Raggedy man, I remember you, and you are late for my wedding!” The glasses start to shake. Amy says “I found you. I found you in words, like you knew I would. That's why you told me the story...the brand new, ancient blue box. Oh, clever. Very clever.” Rory asks what it is, and Amy says “Something old. Something new. Something borrowed. Something blue.” And I almost cry all over again.
The TARDIS vworps into existence and Rory says ‘”It’s the Doctor … how did we forget the Doctor?!” Amy hikes up her skirts and runs over the table and knocks on the door. “OK, Doctor. Did I surprise you this time?” Eleven opens the door in full regalia (it’s quite snappy) and says “Er, yeah. Completely astonished. Never expected that. How lucky I happened to be wearing this old thing.” He gets out and spins around saying “Hello, everyone. I'm Amy's imaginary friend, but I came anyway.” AWWWWWW! Amy leans forward and says “You absolutely, definitely may kiss the bride.” He puts a finger to her lips and says “From now on, I shall be leaving the... kissing duties to the brand new Mr Pond.” (But you can do other stuff, right? *kicks self* Oh come on! He shows up dressed like a groom and he has all that adorable chemistry with Rory … it could work in really embarrassing fanfiction!) Rory protests that he’s not “Mr. Pond” and that’s not how it works, but Eleven says yes, yes it is. Rory agrees. HEE! Eleven says he’ll move “his box” because they’re going to need the space and “I only came for the dancing!”
Cut to Eleven dancing like a … like a chicken. Not in a good way, either. It’s not the chicken-dance, it’s just … strange. I’m gonna sporfle forever, ok? It’s like … it’s like ANGEL dancing! Amy laughs “You're terrible. That is embarrassing!” Cut to eleven TEACHING ALL THE CHILDREN AT THE PARTY TO DO THE DANCE! I will never stop giggling over that! That is ADORABLE! You know how Ten had his scene where he cuddled talking kitties? Well, this is Eleven’s equivalent. At least for me, right now.
Cut to a slow dance at the end of the party. Rory and Amy are dancing and adorable and it’s so squeeful I think I’m gonna implode. Eleven watches from the doorway and says “2,000 years. The boy who waited. Good on you, mate.” Awwwwwwwwwwww!
Eleven’s back at his TARDIS. River comes up behind him and asks if he “danced.” (Meaning moving around to music, not the season 1 meaning of “dancing” … I think. Unless that’s a Continuity Nod or something?) He gives her back his journal (which he promises he did not peek in) and her Time Agent Bracelet. He asks if she’s married. She asks if he’s asking. He says yes. She says yes. It’s one of those ‘ask two questions, person refuses to answer which they answered ‘yes’ to’ deals. He asks who she is. She says “You're going to find out very soon now. And I'm sorry, but that's when everything changes.” Then she zaps away. What, no kiss?! *wibbles* What’s the point of having all these cougars this season and no kissing the Doctor? Don’t let his only kiss be from Amy the Molesting Creep!
Then something awesome happens. Eleven dances up the steps and then Amy barrels into the TARDIS with Rory behind her. She shouts “Oi! Where are you off to? We haven't even had a snog in the shrubbery yet!” Rory protests at that, and Amy says “It’s MY wedding” and Rory says “OUR wedding!” Lack of fidelity is FUNNY when it’s the woman instead of the man! Eleven says he’s busy. Rory suggests that since he just saved the universe he should take the night off. (Mmmmmhhhmmmm … ‘take the night off’ indeed … wedding night, oooooooh yeaaaaaaaah … *hums porno music and makes suggestive winks in their general direction* … *kicks self* Bad Zelda! No cookie!) Eleven says that the “silence” thing is still out there and whoever dragged the TARDIS to Amy’s wedding day is still out there and there’s much to be done besides. Then he gets a call, to which he responds “Oh! Hello. I'm sorry, this is a very bad line. No, but that's not possible. She was sealed into the Seventh Obelisk. I was at the prayer meeting. Well, no, I get that it's important. An Egyptian goddess loose on the Orient Express…in space! Give us a mo.” That sounds REALLY COOL! (And it’ll probably end up being a Noodle Incident.) He apologizes but says “this will have to be goodbye.” Amy asks Rory if he thinks this is goodbye. Rory agrees. Amy opens the TARDIS door and bellows “GOODBYE!” and waves. Then she shuts the door. The Doctor grins, like swanzing off with a married couple and adventures in time and space isn’t fuel for a myriad of very smutty OT3 fanfictions. Eleven says into his phone “Don’t worry about a thing, Your Majesty, we’re on our way.”
And to triumphant music, they zoom off into the credit sequence.
Well, that was …
… that was …
THAT WAS BLOODY FANTASTIC, THAT WAS!
Were there not-so-good episodes? Yes. Did the bad outweigh the good? HELL NO! Do I accept Matt Smith as the Doctor? OH YES! Am I still mad about Amy almost raping the Doctor? OF COURSE! Did I enjoy this season as a whole? GOD YES!
Steven Moffat is THE MAN and there was so much nightmare fuel but there was also so much fetish fuel and the atmospheres and underlying themes were so good and “Vincent and the Doctor” is still tearing up my soul and the finale WAS ACTUALLY GOOD FOR ONCE THANK HEAVEN AND HELL AND PURGATORY!!!
Best of all? It wasn’t a reset button at the end of the series, it’s going to grow and develop and keep with myth arcs and River and the same companions but they’ve changed and … UNF. Yes. God, this was fantastic and I loved it.
