aunt_zelda | What aunt_zelda Thinks: Lost 'Eggtown' (Reply)

*sigh* My dad is sick, so I won’t be able to visit him this weekend. Torchwood and DW recaps shall have to wait until NEXT Sunday. *sends father healing vibes and watches Jericho all day long*

Sorry this is late … then again, nobody ever reads these, so why should I apologize?

Also, after I read the TWoP recap I voted in their poll and I think Ben’s ‘man-on-their-boat’ is none other than Michael! As long as he didn’t bring Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalt with him, that’d be cool with me!

Names I’ve Given:

Newbies: Charlotte, Dan, Miles, Pilot

Jackalopes: Jack’s optimistic crew on the beach. Includes Sun, Jin, Rose, Bernard, and lots of Red Shirts.

[Stuff in these brackets] was added AFTER I’d finished the episode.

And we begin with Locke’s eye. And a montage of him not using the triangle of safety and taking advantage of the Others’ fridge. Who’s in tune with the Island now, Mr. Mystic?

We then proceed to almost more slash than my fangirl body is equipped to handle. I mean, COME ON, “I wanted you under my own roof”?! LOCKE IS KEEPING BEN IN HIS BASEMENT! *cues porno music* I squeed quite a lot in those first few minutes …

“So here we are, just like old times, except I’m locked in a different room.” And the slash just gets slashier … when’s the engagement going to be announced?

“… and you’re more lost than you ever were.” I think Ben getting all the good lines is a SIGN that he’s special.

“Excellent John, you’re evolving!” *sporfles*

Then Locke leaves and, in a burst of sexual-repression, hurls the tray at the wall. Ben settles back in his cell, secretly pleased that, bloody, beat up, and kept-from-sunlight, he can still drive the boys craaaaaaaaaazy.

Shiny!Future!Kate is going to jail. What I’m more interested in is that in these FlashForwards the Oceanic Six are either hairy and gross looking or shiny and pretty looking. I used to think it was the guys who were Hairy!Scary and the girls were Shiny!Pretty but Sayid proved THAT theory wrong last week when his James Bond impressions made me explode.

Jin tries to pronounce ‘Albaquerkey.’ I giggle and get that Al Yankovitch song stuck in my head … (you’ve got weasels on your face! *sporfles*) Why do I have the awful feeling that Jin is going to die? He went from abusive-husband to Chewbacca to badass to I-want-HIM-as-a-husband in a few short months. Whereas Sun shot that Other, got preggers, worked in a garden, and came to terms with the fact that she slept with that bald guy. Actually, I think they’re tied for ‘Gonna-Die-Next.’

“Good, that dude creeps me out.” Miles does that to me too … please let him die soon! Let someone ELSE develop an Exorcist-complex!

“You just totally Scooby-Do-ed me, didn’t you?” Awwww, Hurley, you have to stop TRUSTING peoples! We learned that last week when you double-crossed the Mayidate Team!

“So the Arab traded you too.” Miles, I’d like to think that Sayid traded KATE for Charlotte and begged Locke to take you off his hands! I mean, no one in their right minds would take an annoying-Ghostbuster for a cool-accented-Indiana-Jones-girl-whose-hair-I-want. Then again, Locke isn’t in his right mind, is he?

OMG Kate hath a SON!

(That commercial with the ferocious sleeping badgers is weird. And funny. Then gross. Who made THAT up?)

Back on the beach with the Jackalopes ™ Charlotte and Dan look over the Dharma food with genuine curiosity. Whatever Naomi and Scary-Eyes were planning, of the Newbies, Charlotte and Danny-Boy are the ones to watch, because they look so cute and innocent. I don’t worry about the Pilot, because he’s probably gonna die so they’ll have to find someone new to fly things, and Miles is just a jerk.

“Locke has no idea what he’s doing.” “Then why is Kate with him?” Ouch! Jack, you just got SERVED by SUN!

Kate asks if Ben is really being ‘kept’ in Locke’s basement and Claire says “I saw Rousseau taking him down there last night.” OMG I don’t even WANT to think about THOSE OT3 implications …

“Only eight of us survived the crash.” Buwhuh? Jack is a lying liar who LIES! *crosses arms and storms off in a huff* He’s NOBODY’S personal Jesus NOW! (On a side note, if there are ‘the Oceanic Six’ then who ‘died’ on the Island?)

“Do you love Ms. Austen?” Bahahahahahhaa! The shippers are FED UP and have hired an actual LAWYER!

Yay! The return of the Sawyer-Specs! “I’m reading …” oh god, I can’t tell you how much I ADORE that Sawyer reads all the time. Really. Anti-heroes who are learned are REALLY HOT.

Hee, Sawyer said ‘Casa de Claire.’ He should work for TWoP …

“I wanna use you for something.” I wanna use Sawyer for SEVERAL things … but breaking up the new Locke/Ben is not one of them.

Shortly after that, my Lost-buddy asked if Kate stole Aaron, and that’s her son in the Hairy-Scary Future. I was impressed. [And wouldn’t you know it, she was RIGHT!]

“Wanna play some backgammon?” YAHOO! Just like in the first few eppys with Waaaaaaaaaaaalt! I miss that … aah, for the days when Michael was an overprotective-father and Walt made polar bears appear with his magical skilz …

“Nice thing about sheep: predictable.” Hee …

“If Hugo knows, everybody knows.” True. Smart man, that Sawyer …

So the big revelation this week is that, for the sum of 3.2 million dollars, Miles will tell (Penny’s dad? Ben’s twin brother? ‘Dead’ Charlie? Nadia? Naomi’s sister? Michael?) that Ben is dead? I really don’t think that a job that consists of convincing ghosts to tell you where they stashed their money and drugs makes you THAT desperate for cash. Really.

“3.2? Why not 3.3 or 3.4?” because the coordinates of Island departure and returnation, Ben! Haven’t you been listening to Danny-Boy last episode and YOURSELF at the end of S2?!

What is it that Ben can do? Sustain multiple cuts on his face and still get Locke to bring him ‘the last eggs?!’ Because that’s a feat in itself …

Kate slams Miles into a wall. “Oooo, this is hot” he says. Hee, Miles would LOVE Heroes-slash! We live on wall-shoving!

“Aaron was born on this island, he can sleep through anything.” That makes him the Islands’ first official citizen, doesn’t it? Unless … where DID the original Others come from? You know, the ones Ben made a deal with in his Bunny-Days? Including the never-aging-Richard-eyeshadow-man? Did he die in the Sayid/Jin/Bernard blowup strike and the Hurley bus-smash and Sawyer and Juliet attack? Where ARE the rest of the Others, anyhoodle? They didn’t ALL attack the Beach, only ten did! Will the Tailies and the kids and the background-peoples show up at the Barracks, demanding their Fearless Leader in the next few episodes? Or has Jacob had them all round for tea these past few days, and that’s why he can’t entertain Locke or Ben or Hurley?

Locke is exiling Kate! Oi! Uncalled for, Dictator-Man!

Blah blah blah, Shiny!Future!Kate and her mommy. “I want to see my grandson.” Yeah? Well, tough, lady! You have to sit tight and wait like everyone else for the last seconds of the episode!

Sawyer is sitting on his bed, clad only in his underwear, reading. That is too hot. Jeez, last week it was Sayid-James-Bond-Jaharra, this week it’s The-Return-of-the-Sawyer-Specs, what NEXT? Jack gets a SHAVE?!

“He banished you? Well, I un-banish you.” *SQUEE* These two … Sawyer is WAY romantic this season, what’s up with that? Not that I’m complaining, mind you, but I soooooooo prefer Sawyer to Jack …

(Oh yeah, Sawyer calls Hurley ‘Montezuma’ for those of you keeping charts of Sawyer’s nicknames.)

Utto. After Charlotte and Danny-Boy play card games (or try and improve Danny-Boy’s memory, or cast the future, or call upon the spirits for assistance, I have no idea anymore, after the polar-bears were explained I gave up on any more answers ever again) they call the Boat and discover that the helicopter, as well as Pilot, Sayid, Des, and Naomi’s body have gone AWOL. I KNEW it wouldn’t work! Does ANY escape attempt EVER work? Raft: fire. Raft Mark 2: blown up. Des’s Boat: bloody-snowglobe. Submarine: I’m sorry *kaBOOM* Looking-Glass Station: Patchy. [Helicopter: thunderstorm of DOOOOOOOOOM!]

OMG Locke is a BADASS! He just SHOVED A GRENADE INTO MILES’ MOUTH! You don’t come back from that … privately I think the grenade is a dud and Locke is just being sadistic but I won’t bet on it …

“How can you resist after the whole ‘I’ll keep you safe’ thing?” Kate has more restraint than any and every heterosexual girl, bisexual person, and gay man in the world.

“Because sometimes next week, you’ll find some reason to get pissed at Jack and come bouncing right back to me!” what Sawyer gets in return for taking over Desmond’s job of seeing the future is a slap from Kate. Ouch.

Kate gets 10 years probation … ok, WHO IS HER SON?!

Why doesn’t Jack want to see the baby? Because it’s Sawyer Jr. or because it’s Aaron, all growed up?

My Lost-buddy also pointed out that “When Kate said ‘I have to get back to him’ in the finale last season, it was to her son, not her husband!” and once again I went *headdesk*

OMG Kate is a baby-stealer! (Or maybe the escape-transport couldn’t hold many and Claire handed Aaron over, or Claire was dead, or refused to let Aaron go and Kate was all ‘I must SAVE THE BABY’ or … I really don’t know, this show is insane.)

NEXT WEEK: Charlotte and Danny-Boy might tell the Jackalopes something. Sayid, Des, and Pilot have trouble and encounter a thunderstorm of DOOOOOOOM and crash. Desmond threatens someone with a gun? A blackboard is shoved? Another generic Dharma gun?