Torchwood Recap/Rant/Mindless Babble: SPOILERS!!!

This is a special, it covers not only 'Small Worlds' from last week (because I missed last week) but also 'Countrycide' from last night.

Those were the most disturbing things I've ever seen. I've seen QUITE A LOT, but when you put together pedophiles, fairy-abduction, death by rose petals, Jack CRYING, Gwen/Owen, CANABALISM, UNEXPLAINED CANABALISMN, body parts in the fridge, a freaky chase scene in the woods, skinless-organless bodies, gunshot wounds, and IANTO ALMOST GETTING CUT UP -
If this continues ... I might stop watching. I had trouble getting to sleep last night ... that's never a god sign.
So, on with the recap/rant (the one for 'Countrycide' reads a bit like 'What aunt_zelda Thinks' because I wrote that as I was watching it.)

(Also, finally understand Cybermen. Got explained to me last night with DW. And I love that Mickey/Ricky is staying with the anarchist guy in the van to have fun, slashy adventures … hope they run into another guy with a van, Oz! Werewolf-parallel-love ahoy! *will someday write a fic about that*)

(Small Worlds)
So, I got a bit excited about fairies ... or faeries if you like ... and then they go and do THAT. As if the Spiderwick books weren't bad enough ...

Basically this episode has a pedophile (who dies choking on rose-petals) and a little girl whose almost-stepdad is a bastard and hits her once (though she BIT HIM and has been acting weird) and some creepy fairies/faeries kill one of Jack’s old lovers (from WWII) and take the girl away in time. There’s creepy, plinky music that reminded me of the chimes in ‘The Hard Part’ … it was ok, but very scary and sad and a bit disturbing.

Ok, just last episode, Jack threatened to kill Ianto and his girlfriend, and ordered Ianto to kill his girlfriend, and scared everyone … and this week he’s back with the subtext?! TOUCHING Ianto’s shoulder like that? Honestly … if someone did that to me and my signifigant other (who I lied to ALL MY FRIENDS ABOUT to keep alive) had just died, I’d be very cold to everyone and flinching whenever the guy who ALMOST SHOT ME LAST WEEK (how much of a time-lapse do we have between episodes, anyhoodle?) came NEAR ME, much less touched me in an almost intimate way!

I remember a movie about those fairy-photos … it had Houdini in it … what was up with THAT? *shakes head*

I liked how the faeries were making shadows for Jas, even though we couldn’t really see them … that’d cool …

Ok, I was freaked out and choked up enough as it was after Estelle was DROWNED (I was worried her kitty would be all skinned or something) but when I saw Jack CRYING … my god I started to wail. I felt like crying too! Poor Estelle … did the Time Agents abduct Jack, or did he go off with the Doctor? His time-line is so CONFUSING! (Btw, shouldn’t Jack have taken Moses home? He could have kept it as a pet, along with the Pterodactyl and someday Ianto.)
When Jack said ’15 men, me in charge’ was I the only one who thought ‘massive orgy’?! I expected Jack to be making out with a soldier-boy at LEAST …

At the party, I was SO SURE the grill was going to flame up and burn Roy …

Go, evil ninja faeries, go!

Of COURSE the girl’s wearing white …

‘Do you know you walk in the forest?’ I liked that bit … very well done … and Jas skipping off with the glowy butterflies is just such an iconic image to a fairy-tale lover like me that it made up for the rest of the episode.

I liked the last minute or so, when Gwen zooms in on the photo and sees Jas as a faerie. And the voices were just haunting and creepy enough …

‘Well, that was incredibly disturbing’ said my relation, who was watching it with me. And when HE’S disturbed by something, you know it’s bad.

‘Counrycide’

Let is be known that I HATED THIS EPISODE. It was gross, nasty, icky, and, as we learn at the end, totally unnecessary. Are the people even ALIENS?! Are they just your average psychos?! Arrrgh …

Silly red shirt … *sing-song voice* Something’s going to eat you!

“That would be grass.” – hee! That whole bit was just lovely …

Yay for vegetarians, you go Tosh!

Heh, camping … I hate it too!

I say ‘snog’ … is that a bad thing? I love funny British words …

Lisa … *still latched onto Ianto and giving him perpetual huggles*

Owen! You can Gwen are DISGUSTING! Especially you, Owen! (He can say stuff like that, but the hint of a swear, or him NAKED IN A CELL we can handle? Oi …) Thank you, shadowy-hooded thing, for interrupting them! *huggles it*

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! I didn’t need to see that! Iiiiiiick! *hates skinned corpses*

Heh, someone else doesn’t like camping … we should form a club, me, Owen, and the creepy-crazy-driver …

Hee, ‘been watching us since we arrived’ … bet they’re slashers …

DON’T GO INTO THE GHOST TOWN! THIS IS HOW ZOMBIE MOVIES START YOU IDIOTS!

‘Where is everybody?’ Gwen asks. Uh, they’re DEAD?! Made obvious by the bad lighting and scary music!

I DID NOT NEED TO SEE THAT! *wants to horf like Gwen* I won’t sleep for a week …

“Just a … fox or something.” Yeah, an EVIL fox!

Eeeeeew … dead animals! Eeek! Tosh! *thought she died*

DON’T YOU DARE KILL IANTO! He still has a lifetime of huggles to receive!

Shotgun … sweet!

We REALLY didn’t need to be seeing that bullet and needle stuff …

Oh dear, they’re locked in a cellar … Ianto’s freaking out *huggles him* … *wants to horf AGAIN* WE DON’T NEED TO BE SEEING THIS! Body parts … now I’m thinking about Titus Andronicus … *cellar door, cellar door, cellar door* DON’T EAT IANTO! I WILL KILL YOU ALL!!!

This is just like a zombie movie with all this barricading … I HATE zombie movies! *shivershiver*

‘The Harvest’ … like the second Buffy episode?

Eeek, Jack knows how to torture people … he has CRAZY EYES … that scene was hotter than the preceding Gwen/Owen bits … yeah, I need help …

*sarcastic* Oh no, they’re handcuffing Ianto …

Wait … ‘First, meat has to be tenderized’ … so, they have SEX with them before they kill them?! Iiiiiiick!

That chase scene will keep me out of the woods for YEARS. Poor Tosh … she didn’t deserve this … she was just a medical-person who saw the fake-pig-alien and ran into the Doctor, and the next thing you know she’s with Torchwood, running handcuffed through the woods away from a rapist-cannibal.

They trusted the convenient policeman?! Idiots, stupid, stupid idiots …

I was getting worried that this would be a two-part episode, but just as I was screeching that I’d kill them if they cut up Ianto, Jack bashed his way in and pulled a zombie-movie-move that was all kinds of awesome, with stereotypical epic music, and …

WAIT ONE SECOND! The WHOLE POINT of this freaky-ass, frakin’ disgusting ep with the unexplained cannibles and body parts and STUFF was just to get Gwen and Owen in bed?! RUSSEL T. DAVIES I’M COMING TO HIT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH A SHOVEL!!! You didn’t even NEED all that, you could have had Gwen and Owen connecting during coffee breaks or something during some very important but OBSCURE crime! Like Xander’s view of things in ‘The Zeppo’ … you could have pulled one of those! The only good bits were the ‘grass’ and the ‘snogging’ conversations at the beginning, Jack torturing with the CRAZY EYES, and Ianto handcuffed.

Next week: Tosh shacks up with a woman. ARE THERE NO STRAIGHT PEOPLE IN THE WORLD?!

Seriously, is that a question on the Torchwood entrance exam? ‘Are you at least curious about the opposite sex?’

(You know, I just realized, you can’t make a slash-name for Gwen/Owen because if you combine their names you get one or the other … does that mean it’s doomed? *hopes so*)

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Afternoon Delight (by ... someone famous)