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aunt_zeldaFirst time I saw this episode, I thought “oh, I’ll just see how the pool standoff resolves itself and go to bed.” That … did not work out, and then it was past 5am and I’d been on an emotional rollercoaster.
Then I was scared to watch it again, because (due to staying up so late/early and being so damn excited) it had all become a great, sexy blur of awesome and fun and nail-biting terror and squeeing and can it really have been that good or was that just my libido typing that early morning?
Onto the episode!
So, flashback recap, very tense, is Sherlock gonna shoot the vest and jump in the pool with John? Eeeeeeeeee …
… then Moriarty’s phone rings. To “Stayin’ Alive.” The faces everybody makes at this are just priceless.
It’s just so cheesy it somehow works. It’s the actors, I think, and the writing. And it’s just so funny, like the writers and producers are going “heh, you thought we were going to resolve this with a big explosion … sorry, RINGTONE!” But in a funny way, not smug or cruel way.
(Have I ever mentioned that what I really love about Sherlock are his eyes? They’re like, Underworld-vampire pale blue-gray and I LOVE THEM. I mean, pretty much everything about Benedict Cumberbatch is totally hot, especially DAT VOICE, but the eyes are one of my personal favorites of his attributes. Just putting that out there.)
I wonder if the bomb-vest was actually real, or just fake and Moriarty fucking with them? He didn’t seem too concerned about Sherlock pointing the gun at the vest … then again he could be one of those crazy villains who just wouldn’t care about dying if it meant 1) taking his nemesis with him or 2) forcing their nemesis to do something craaaaaazy.
(Also, I loooooooove Moriarty’s voice. That weird pseudo-Irish thing he’s got goin’ on is damned sexy.)
Anyways, Moriarty reminds us all how fantastic he is by flipping out over the phone and shocking even Sherlock and John with his RAGE. (I love how he can go from cutesy and polite and adorkable to ABOUT TO RIP YOUR THROAT OUT in an instant. I shouldn’t like it, but I do.) Then he saunters off, casually reminding whoever’s on the other end of the phone that if they’re lying he’ll have them “made into shoes” and snapping his fingers to call off the snipers
John’s all like “… what” and Sherlock wonders who called to get Moriarty to leave a tense and exciting situation like the S1 finale cliffhanger.
Cut to a woman with red claw-like nails hanging up her phone. She saunters into a room, wearing a lacy see-through thing and not much else, carrying a whip, and asking “have you been wicked, your highness?” while we see the tied-up leg of a young lady on a bed through a doorway. Highness says “Yes, Miss Adler.” And I fall in love and faint and blush and say “I’ve been wicked too, Miss Adler! Oh, I’ve been so wicked, please, you have no idea …”
And then I lost all chances of going to bed at a decent hour the first night I watched this. Oh good lord.
Theme song! Yaaaaay! It’s a bit changed up, there’s some lady lips in there, probably because some executive is laboring under the misapprehension that the people who tune into Sherlock would respond better to Rocky Horror Picture Show lips than, say, Benedict Cumberbatch’s neck or cheekbones or vampire-pale-eyes. Seeing as I’m bisexual, I’m game for both, but I’m aware that most people are into this show for the sexy British men. Including the writers. *glares at Steven Moffat pointedly and taps ruler at the words “Write Your Female Characters Better, Or Else” that are written on my imaginary blackboard*
After the theme song, John types up his blog. We see the words crawling across the top of the screen. You know what this, and the texts throughout the show, are reminding me of? Season 1 of Heroes. Remember how excited everyone was that the subtitles were up next to people’s mouths and jumping around the screen, like dialogue-bubbles in a comic book? Yeah, it’s like Sherlock took that to the logical next level. And as we all know, anything that reminds me of S1 Heroes is a good thing. Until I start crying and wailing about how royally it got fucked up beyond repair, that is.
*wibbles* HEROES! NOOOOOOOooooooooooooo!!!
So, John types. Sherlock is self-absorbed. What else is new?
Oooooo, clients! That’s new! Sherlock dismisses many of them as “boring” and is a total dick to each and every one of them. A large lady says she’s worried her husband may be having an affair, and Sherlock instantly says “yes” ignoring the possibilities that her husband may be a chubby-chaser, from a culture where voluptuous women are regarded as more beautiful than heroin-thin supermodels
There’s a clever moment where Sherlock crosses the frame, making the three geeky clients disappear from the screen … but upon hearing that their case actually is interesting steps backwards and the geeks are back in the shot. I like that kind of clever camera-work, it’s one of the many fun things about this show.
John christens that case “The Geek Interpreter.” (Says the man who was Arthur Dent and is going to be Bilbo Baggins. You are the mascot for “Adorable British Geeky Icon” … not to be confused with the “Adorkable British Geeky Gods” Matt Smith and David Tennant.) Sherlock leans over John’s shoulder, reading the blog, asking why the case needs a title. Go talk to Monk, Sherlock, he had to deal with someone naming his cases once too!
Sherlock is a bit affronted that nobody reads his website about tobacco, but loads of people read John’s blog and that’s where so many of their clients come from. Also, we get a rare shot of Sherlock eating something. I think it’s toast. Yaaaaay!
Then Sherlock is a total asshole to two little girls, neither of whom can be over the age of 10. He doesn’t mean to be an asshole, but he is. This is one of the many times during this episode that I’ll want to smack him. I can excuse this one because it made me laugh, because I am both a judgmental bitch and a morbid hypocrite.
Lestrade leads them to a guy in the trunk/boot of a car who shouldn’t be there, as he should have been in a plane crash in Germany – he’s got is passport and ticket stubs and cookies/biscuits and everything. This will be important later.
Sherlock is mad that John is posting “Sherlock Holmes Baffled” on the blog. He does so wearing goggles and holding a blowtorch (… or is that an arc-welder? It’s that thing that makes a little flame!) And my inner mad scientist fangirl does a dance in the corner. Which isn’t so much “inner” as it is “me” … so “I” do a dance in the corner. John’s blog gets almost 2,000 hits in eight hours. Sherlock is miffed.
Backstage after a case, John wants to name the latest case a pun. Sherlock makes a disgusted sound. I sporfle. Lestrade says there’s a lot of press outside, some specifically want photos of Sherlock and John. Ahahahhhahahaa! The fangirls broke the fourth wall!
Sherlock grabs two hats from a nearby costume room and tells John to cover his face and walk quickly. He says “the last thing I need is a public image” … and he promptly puts on the infamous Deerstalker Hat. BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
BAHAHAHAHAHA!
(I laughed so loud the first time I saw that, they probably heard me in Mexico.)
The fact that we then flash to photos of the two in newspapers, with headlines like “Hat-Man and Robin” did not help. It only made me fall onto the floor and start shaking.
Irene strokes a picture of Sherlock and then strokes a riding crop. And the Kink Meme just exploded. OH MY GOD GARTERS! (I just exploded … don’t worry, I can regenerate …)
Have I mentioned that I love the music in this show? It is fan-flippin’-tastic.
Mrs. Hudson makes a game effort at cleaning up, bravely opening the fridge, only to discover a bag of thumbs. “Oh dear! Thumbs …” she squeaks. ILU Mrs. Hudson! You are a saint in a spiffy purple dress!
A man rushes in and passes out. Mrs. Hudson bellows “Boys! You’ve got another one!” and looks pretty distressed. ILU Mrs. Hudson. Go have an herbal soother and I’ll have my mom send you some cookies. I mean biscuits.
We see the new client’s flashback. He was having trouble with his car, saw a guy out way far away in a nearby field, turned around, car backfired, and then saw the guy dead. The police suspect him of murdering the guy.
The lead detective on the scene gets a call from Lestrade, telling him that Sherlock’s gonna be on the scene and yeah, he’s annoying, but he’ll be very helpful. ILU Lestrade. You are a silver fox.
Turns out Sherlock didn’t even show up, he sent John with a laptop. They’re skyping. Hee hee hee!
Sherlock is wrapped in a sheet, like a messy toga, in his apartment/flat, dictating to John to walk around the crime scene. Sherlock reminds John that “this is a 6, there’s no point in leaving for more than a 7, we agreed.” Heeeeeeee.
Sherlock tears the client down as a suspect and insults him … and then we see the poor guy is sitting right behind him, hearing that he has an undiagnosed heart condition. Poor guy! Car trouble, wanted for murder, insulted by the guy trying to clear his name, and now he finds out he’s very sick! Sherlock, you asshole.
Then two guys in suits barge into the apartment/flat past Mrs. Hudson and order Sherlock to come with them, cutting off his connection. Then a helicopter arrives on the crime scene for John. Hee.
Sherlock refuses to get dressed and scans the guy – nice suit, manicure, right-handed, unarmed, three small dogs – and Sherlock says he knows where they’re going.
John seems pretty shocked that they’re arriving at Buckingham Palace. It’s is a very swank, beautiful place. Being a New Englander, I see those big rooms and think “must be a bitch to heat in the winter.”
John finds Sherlock sitting on a couch, still in his sheet, clothes piled on the table in front of him. LOL. They wordlessly shrug and John sits down. He glances around, curiously glances at Sherlock’s crotch, and asks “you wearing any pants?” He means “underwear.” I only just learned that to the English, “pants” mean underwear and “trousers” mean pants in an American sense. Huh. I learned this from reading Kink Meme fills. It teaches you stuff, yo!
Sherlock says “no …” and John says “ok …” and then they both crack up. Awwwww! I love these two!
John says he’s “seriously fighting the urge to steal an ashtray.” Sherlock giggles.
John asks what they’re doing here. “Are we here to see the Queen?” he asks.
Sherlock sees Mycroft walking into the room and snickers “apparently yes!” and he and John crack up and I sporfle so much my lungs hurt.
Mycroft sighs and asks “Just once, can you two behave like grownups?” Oh, have they been naughty, Mycroft? You should spank them. Irene can lend you some tools to help!
John says “we solve crimes, I blog about it, and he forgets his pants, I wouldn’t hold onto too much hope.” Tee hee.
Mycroft and Sherlock snark and bitch at each other, and then ... a dude named Harry shows up. He’s too old to be Prince Harry … I’m confused and a stupid American so I’m going to assume he’s just some invented character and not a real person. He immediately wins my approval by greeting John and talking about his military service and shaking his hand.
Harry says hi to Sherlock and says he looks taller in photos. Sherlock says he’s got a good coat “and a short friend” and John looks at him like he never noticed he’s short enough to be playing Bilbo Baggins. Sherlock tries to storm out, saying he doesn’t do anonymous clients. Mycroft stomps on the end of his sheet and we NEARLY see Sherlock naked. (I squeed, not gonna lie. He’s a very pretty man. I like them lanky and geeky. So sue me.)
Finally Sherlock gets dressed (I’d like to think while they all watch, but he probably stood behind the couch or something.) Mycroft pours tea and says “I’ll be mother” and Sherlock says “and there is our whole childhood in a nutshell.” Ouch?
So, the case is this! Mycroft shows Sherlock a picture of Irene, and we see Irene in a car getting a text (from Moriarty, presumably … ooooooo) while Mycroft says that Irene’s “been at the center of two major scandals in the last year” and ended the marriage of a famous author by having an affair with both husband and wife separately. Well, you have my undivided attention! Not that you didn’t have it long before this … mmmmmm … bisexual femme fatale … [edit: I know she’s not bi, according to the show, hush now, I touch on that later.]
Apparently she’s “professionally known as ‘The Woman’” and I quite like that nod to canon. And she’s a dominatrix. YAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Sherlock: *staring at the photo, musing* Dominatrix …
Mycroft: Don’t be alarmed. It’s to do with sex.
Sherlock: *defensive* Sex doesn’t alarm me!
Mycrfot: *snerk* How would YOU know?
Ok, for starters, being a dominatrix doesn’t automatically equal sex, and it’s annoying when people assume that all the time. Yes, sometimes it happens, but quite a lot of doms don’t do the sex thing with clients, in fact they’re very adamantly against sex with clients. Mycroft should be aware of this, he is a very smart and knowledgeable man.
Also, the idea of Sherlock as a virgin … Does Things to me. Especially in the context of “Irene is going to be his first and she’s gonna teach him all about the wonders of sex and he is going to love every minute of it and it will be so gorram hot that they’ll break the bed and probably most of the room in the process.”
Mycroft says that Irene provides “recreational scolding, for people who like that sort of thing.” Oooooo … Mycroft, please stop, I’m going to faint …
He hands over pictures from Irene’s website, pictures that I now want as my desktop wallpaper. Meanwhile, Moriarty has texted Irene pictures of Sherlock in his sheet. Hee hee hee! When can I write the kinky threesome fic, please?
Turns out Irene has compromising photos of herself and “a young female person.” That Mycroft, Harry, and their mysterious employer aren’t too happy about. During the discussion John forgets to put his teacup down and sort of gets this glazed, imaginative expression. Tee hee hee! John things girl-on-girl is hot! Is anyone surprised? (This is the first of many instances in this episode where John is distracted by an attractive lady.)
Irene doesn’t want money or favors, she’s doing this as a “power play.” Sherlock grins at the idea of her in a power play with “the most powerful family in Britain” and purrs “Oooo, this is getting rather fun, isn’t it?” You have no idea, dude.
He takes the case and says “I’m not the Commonwealth.” John says “and that’s as modest as he gets, pleasure to meet you” and follows after him. Hee hee hee!
Later, we find out that Sherlock nicked the ashtray, and he and John laugh about that in the cabride away. Moriarty – or whoever’s stalking them on Moriarty’s orders, Moran or someone else – sends more photos to Irene. She tells “Kate” her smexy maid/assistant, that they’re going to be having a visitor and it’ll take her “ages” to get ready. She poses sexily in front of her massive closet, and the green V-neck lacy thing she’s wearing makes her ribcage look creepy. Thankfully she doesn’t keep that on for long and isn’t shown in that lighting/angle again, because for a horrible moment she wasn’t very attractive and looked kinda sickly and too skinny. She looks fine throughout the rest of the episode though.
Sherlock throws clothes around and says “going into battle, John! I need armor!” This contrasted with Irene trying on a sexy dress and saying “… no” and her maid saying “works for me!” and Irene saying “Everything works on you.” Hee hee hee … that maid was very pretty in a too-much-sulty-eyeshadow kind of way.
Irene has makeup applied and Sherlock asks John to punch him in the face. As John is confused Sherlock says “What, didn’t you hear me?” and John says “I always hear ‘punch me in the face’ when you’re speaking but it’s usually subtext.” There’s a lot more subtext going on between you two than THAT, John, honestly, keep up!
Sherlock gets fed up and decks John. John decks him. Sherlock says “thank you” and then John tackles him. He puts Sherlock in a choke-hold and Sherlock says that’s enough, John growls “you forget, Sherlock, I was a soldier, I killed people!” and Sherlock says “you were a doctor!” and John snarls “I had bad days!” Oooooooo … Forget Irene, boys, start ripping each other’s clothes off there, please!
Irene says she’s going to wear her “battle dress” and the maid/assistant purrs “ooo, lucky boy!” Lucky audience, more like! And unlucky Moral Guardians, judging from the stupid scandal that ensued from her “battle dress!”
Then something hilarious happens. Sherlock tries to impersonate a weepy, wimpy priest who just got mugged. It’s so bad, it’s amazing. The maid/assistant is very amused as she sees this through the intercom. She offers to phone the police and invites him inside. John is there too, saying that he saw it all happen and he’s a doctor and does she have a first aid kit? She directs him to the kitchen. Sherlock the wimpy priest waits in the living room.
Irene waltzes in in high heels and NOTHING ELSE. AAaaaaaaaah … excuse me, um I … she … woooooooooooo …
She straddles Sherlock and takes off his priest-collar thing and says “there, we’re both de-frocked … Mr. Sherlock Holmes.”
“Oooo, look at those cheekbones! I could cut myself slapping that face.” She says flirtatiously. (She says most of her dialogue flirtatiously.) “Would you like me to try?” GAAAAAAAAAH! *falls over* I will not live through this episode!
John walks in at the worst possible moment, when Irene has put the collar in her mouth in a dreadfully sexy way. His delivery of the line “I’ve … missed something, haven’t I?” is priceless and adorable. Irene sits on a chair, crossing her legs and arms in such a way that she’s covering the censor-worthy bits. Sherlock can’t read a thing from her at all. Heeeeeeee!
Irene figures out, from reading Sherlock that, “somebody loves you” because he’s all punched up but they avoided his nose and teeth. She glances at John, who blinks, laughs, and asks her to please put some clothes on. Irene asks why, “are you feeling exposed?”
Sherlock: I don’t think John knows where to look. *offers his coat without looking at her*
Irene: No, I think John knows exactly where to look. *waltzs up to him, John gamely looks her in the eyes and twitches* Not sure about you, though. *said to Sherlock, taking his coat*
Sherlock: If I wanted to look at naked women I’d borrow John’s laptop.
John: You do borrow my laptop.
Sherlock: I confiscate it.
*sporfles* I guess Irene failed her Asexuality Check. She asks about the dead guy in the field case. They’re surprised that she knows about that. She says she knows what a policeman “likes.” John sits down on the couch and tries to make a move, because he is John “Three Continents” Watson and we love him for that. She says “Brainy is the new sexy” and John twitches a little smile, and in my headcanon he’s already planning their first threesome. Like, he’s so desperate he’s going to enlist help in jumping Sherlock, and seeing as Sherlock is so tall and gangly and oblivious it’s really a two-person job.
Sherlock stutters, and John gets all wide-eyed, because Sherlock stuttering when he’s always such a motormouth really is a sign that something’s up. And by “something,” I mean his libido. And by “libido” I mean his … you know what, I should go back to recapping!
Sherlock and Irene banter about the case, he knows it wasn’t murder, and he figures out that the photographs are in the room. He tells John to guard the door. John does.
Irene is starting to get flustered, worried about the photographs. Sherlock starts describing the crime and we smoothly transition from the living room to the field and it’s a really great bit of camerawork. Irene is there too. Sherlock says “noises are important” and we cut back to the living room, because John has set a magazine on fire and set off a smoke alarm. Irene looks to the mirror over the fireplace, and Sherlock gloats that “fire exposes our priorities” and behind the mirror is a safe! Then he yells to John to stop the fire alarm.
John tries to stamp out the fire, and he does, but two goons with guns tramp in and shoot the alarm and point their guns at him. His hands immediately go up (rowr …) and he says “Thank you.” Hee hee hee.
The goons storm in, John apologizing for some reason (like he could take down lots of guys with guns when he’s unarmed … sorry, John is a total BAMF but even he’s not that good) and the goons get John and Irene kneeling on the floor. They want Sherlock to open the safe. The leader has one of those strained accents that’s meant to sound American on an English show but comes off sounding weird to an American like me. This crops up on Doctor Who a lot too. I can’t explain it, it just bugs me.
Anyways, Lead Goon demands that Sherlock open the safe. Sherlock says he doesn’t know, Goon says “I must have missed something, from your reputation I assume you didn’t.” Heh heh … it’s awful when bad guys are smart enough to be dangerous. Then he orders another goon to shoot John at the count of three. Sherlock freaks out … well, as much as Sherlock can freak out on a normal basis. Yeeeeeeesh … I should not enjoy this moment so much, but I do.
Sherlock figures out the code at the last instant and goes to open the safe, then gets a look from Irene, says a code word I can’t make out because I don’t have the transcripts (sounds like “bad-facken-cammy-oat” but what do I know, this is why I use transcripts when recapping Doctor Who) and ducks because the safe has a gun that shoots one goon, while Sherlock whirls in slo-mo/fast-mo to take down Lead Goon while Irene elbows her goon in the nads. She grabs his gun and knocks him out. Yaaaaaaay! Teamwork FTW!
John says “We should call the police” and Sherlock steps outside and fires into the air a couple of times. Hee hee hee!
Sherlock has the phone now. Irene wants it back. It’s very important, there’s more than photos on it, and she doesn’t have copies. That … strikes me as remarkably stupid. No copies? Keep all your super special not-blackmail information on a tiny gadget that could easily be lost, run over by a car, or thrown in a river? Whatever, moving on, I’m willing to let that slide for now.
Sexy Eyeshadow Maid is unconscious. Apparently she’s used to that, according to Irene. Um … that doesn’t sound very SCC to me … tell me more, I need to know … for science …
Irene has John go check a back door, and grabs a needle from her desk. Then she distracts Sherlock classically by stroking his left shoulder – and he’s mighty distracted by that – and stabbing him in the right shoulder. Classic “tap opposite shoulder, look innocently away” so common in middle/high school. I’m so amused that it worked on Sherlock. She’s really shaken him up.
She smacks him hard and demands that he give her the phone. He won’t let go, though he’s obviously drugged out of his mind in seconds. She strikes him wicked hard with a riding crop several times and he finally drops it and falls hard on the floor. Yeesh! Also: SQUEEEEEEEEE.
She takes the phone, puts it into the pocket of HIS coat (I know there was a Kink Meme fill where naked!Irene was in Sherlock’s coat, long before this episode came along … were the writers trolling the fan communities for inspiration?) and says to tell the posh young lady that the photos are safe, “not for blackmail, but insurance.” Then Irene strokes his face with her riding crop and tells him “it’s been a pleasure … don’t spoil it. This is how I want you to remember me … the woman who beat you.” Oooooooh god … *grinz* I like The Woman!
She goes to the window and John comes in, horrified. She tells him that Sherlock will sleep for a few hours, just make sure he doesn’t choke on his vomit, and the drug is fine because she’s used it on “loads of [her] friends.” Also, the password was her measurements. So Sherlock was looking. Like a scientist, but he was still looking. Then she swings out the window. I don’t know how that worked, but it did.
Then Sherlock passes out and hallucinates Irene telling him how she solved the dead-guy-on-the-field case, while woozy!Sherlock is sitting in the backfiring car. I don’t know if this is him hallucinating, her telling him while he’s semi-conscious, or her figuring it out and imagining telling him, or a shared psychic dream or what. Probably a combination of all of that. Guy in field was killed because he turned to look as the car backfired, and his boomerang hit him. So the boomerang got washed downstream and it looked like a mysterious death. Hmmmm. Sherlock falls back into bed in a very surreal and nice bit of camera-work. Irene says “hush now … I’m only returning your coat …” and Sherlock wakes up. He calls for John in a slurred voice and trips over the edge of his bed and onto the floor. His room is very … barren. There’s a chart of the periodic table on his wall. The walls are green. It’s a pretty tidy room. That’s probably because he doesn’t sleep much at all, he lives in the living room and the kitchen/lab and stuff, he doesn’t spend much time in “his” room. Also, apparently Lestrade thought that ex-junkie Sherlock high off his mind on an illegal and unknown substance that was administered as a weapon and against his consent was HILARIOUS and filmed Sherlock reacting to that on his phone and showed it to the Yard. That … seems out of character for Lestrade to say the least.
Sherlock staggers and asks where “the woman” is. John asks who. “The woman-woman!” Sherlock snaps, staggering around his room. Heeeeeeee …
Sherlock starts searching his room for Irene, looking under the bed. John is not amused and heaves Sherlock back into bed in a way that Does Things to my Fetish Fuel senses and commands Sherlock to sleep. They have a cute exchange where John accepts that his roommate/boyfriend will always need him, even if he won’t admit it, and accepts that. Then we see on the door that Sherlock’s coat is back. Irene was there!
Sherlock’s phone, in the coat pocket, rings … but the ring is a sultry, sex noise courtesy of Ms. Adler herself. *reaches for the folding fan*
Sherlock staggers up and retrieves the phone, finding a new text, from Irene, that says “Til the next time, Mr. Holmes.” Heeeeee! Sherlock looks around, confused as to what to do. Poor boy. Someone give him a biscuit and the tvtropes link for “FoeYay” please.
Mycroft is in Sherlock and John’s flat. Sherlock says the photos are safe, but Mycroft isn’t satisfied as they’re “safe” with Irene Adler. Sherlock says the photos aren’t for blackmail but “protection … for some reason.”
Sherlock’s phone rings. John and Mycroft are perplexed, Sherlock acts like nothing’s wrong. Irene says good morning in her text. Sherlock and John complain to Mycroft about the CIA goons. Mrs. Hudson chastises Mycroft for sending his “little brother into danger like that” and she says that “family is all we have in the world” and rests a hand on Sherlock’s shoulder after putting a tea tray down on the table. Awwwwwww! Considering this is the woman who wanted her husband definitely executed, the fact that she has the capacity for trust and a love of family is really heartwarming.
Mycroft tells her to “shut up” and Sherlock and John both instantly go “MYCROFT!” and stare at him in shock. Mycroft, realizing he just crossed THE LINE, apologizes. Dick.
Sherlock gets another text, which means another orgasm-sound. Mrs. Hudson says “Oh, it’s a bit rude, that noise, isn’t it?” LOL! ILU Mrs. Hudson!
Mycroft gets a call and leaves the room. John asks why the phone makes That Noise now. Sherlock explains that “someone” changed the noise “as a joke” and it rings again. Mrs. Hudson says “Could you turn that phone down a bit, at my time of life …” bahahahhahahaaaa …
John presses the issue and Sherlock not-so-discreetly holds his newspaper up over his face and murmurs “I leave you to your deductions.” That’s both adorable, hilarious, and a little bit sad and a little bit scary. Sherlock has likely never felt like this before, or very rarely before, this is … very dangerous. She’s playing him like a violin (reference intended) and everyone is treating this like a silly sexy joke. He’s not himself, he’s tripping up and making mistakes, and she’s pretty much harassing a person who, up until this point, seemed pretty asexual. Why is nobody calling her out on this, or pointing out to Sherlock that he’s being played?
Mycroft says something that’ll be important later in the episode, and Sherlock hears him. Mycroft tells Sherlock to ignore the Irene business from now on. There’s a bit of posturing, and Mycroft leaves, saying he has to apologize to an old friend. Sherlock aggressively plays “God Save the Queen” on his violin and spins around the apartment in his red robe and I fall a little in love with him. Again. Some more.
Transition to Christmas! Sherlock plays a Christmas song. Mrs. Hudson is kinda tipsy and very appreciative. Lestrade is leaning against a wall, drinking. The apartment is decorated as best as it can be. John is wearing a hilariously bad sweater. Unfortunately it does not have cats and EYES, but the writers couldn’t spend their whole time at work on tumblr, now could they?
John’s latest girlfriend brings some food round, and Sherlock purposely insults her by calling her “Sarah.” Sherlock insults her further by calling her the “boring teacher one” and embarrassing John in front of his latest girlfriend. WHY NO SARAH? I LIKED SARAH! SHE HIT MINIONS OVER THE HEAD WITH STICKS AND WAS GOOD TO JOHN! Draw your own conclusions about why Sherlock doesn’t like John having girlfriends (hint: it’s because John is HIS, thanks, everyone else better get the memo.) In other news, Sherlock is an asshole. That’s at least three strikes already this episode, and it’s about to get a lot worse.
Because then Molly shows up, and Sherlock sees her and mutters “Oooh dear lord” to himself. Asshole. She is so nice to you and probably risks her job by giving you dead bodies to beat and I don’t even and yet you treat her like shit.
Molly takes off her coat and she’s wearing a very nice dress. John says “holy Mary!” (while his girlfriend is right over there!) and Lestrade’s mouth comically drops. You go for her, you silver fox, you! *cheers the pairing because age-differences can be hot when done right with caring people*
Now, I have to go off on a bit of a tangent here because things are about to get awkward and depressing, and I’m going to make them even more awkward and depressing first.
See, Molly’s last boyfriend that we know of was “Jim from IT” who was probably gay, and turned out to be Jim Moriarty, who kidnapped people and strapped bombs to them simply to fuck with Sherlock and for the Evulz. Reading the fake-blog they made for her character is absolutely heartbreaking, especially the last entry:
I won't be keeping this diary anymore. It was all a lie. Everything he said. But, got to stay positive. Nobody wants an unhappy person working in a morgue. Not that they want a particularly happy one either.
Stay happy everyone xx
I mention this from time to time, but now is a good time to bring it up again. In high school I had a best friend. She turned out to be a pathological liar who’d been inventing a new persona for everyone she came into contact with. So with me she was different than when she was with this guy I used to know and different from when she was with her friends from her old school. She kept us all separated and in the dark about what she was saying to each of us. And she lied about … big things. Like she convinced this guy who was my friend that she was dying of cancer and had months to live, and researched the symptoms so she’d sound convincing. She told me she was pregnant and that her mother was having her committed. When I found out she was lying and confronted her she lied TO MY FACE. I had to go to therapy because of this girl. She was pulled out of school, got send to some place to help her, and never came back. Well, she did come back once, to an open house at school, and tried to apologize to me. I couldn’t look at her. I ignored her. She had to yell across the street that she was sorry and I just ignored her. I never want to see her again. I don’t want her in my life ever again. I could not and will not forgive her. I don’t care if I should let her apologize, or “find it in my heart” to forgive her. No. Fuck no. I hope she’s getting the help she needs and not off fucking up the lives of another group of friends, but that’s it.
So I have … severe issues with being lied to. I’m still working on my trust issues because of her. Thankfully I’m in college now and have great friends, because for a while there I was freaking out that my first ever “best friend” had been lying to make herself the perfect best friend for me, and if she had to lie to create that false person what did that say about ME as a person that my ideal best friend was a fake? But I have real friends now who like me for who I am, I’m not … I’m not someone nobody would want to be friends with unless they’re a pathological liar looking to use somebody. And I’d like to think that I’m no longer an easy target.
So when thinking over Molly Hooper, yeah, I never had a boyfriend who was an evil psychotic closet case who planted bombs around a major city … but I was lied to by someone very close to me about some pretty serious shit, and it messed me up for a while. I can’t imagine what Molly went through with the fallout from Jim Moriarty, but I can understand some of it.
So Sherlock continuing to treat her like shit is, while in character, very painful to me, both on an empathetic human level and on a personal level.
(Back to the episode)
Molly looks at Sherlock hopefully, and he ignores her. It’s that yearning, painful look of someone who really likes someone who won’t give them the time of day. I know, because I’ve worn it many times. There are six people in the apartment, Sherlock, and one of them is you, LOOK AT HER. SAY HI. SAY MERRY CHRISTMAS. SAY WELCOME TO MY FLAT, DRINKS ARE OVER THERE.
Sherlock is again bitching at John about his blog. He’s mad that John has a picture of Sherlock in “that HAT” on the blog and I lol because THAT HAT will never get old. (“Hat-Man and Robin … danananananana HAT-MAN!”)
Molly asks Mrs. Hudson how her hip is and makes a poor attempt at humor. Sherlock says “Don’t make jokes Molly” and I want to reach through the screen and slap him. Then I want to borrow Irene’s riding crop and smack him in the face some more. Sherlock is an asshole. Most of the time he’s the fun kind of asshole, amusing, but it’s in scenes like this that I realize knowing Sherlock in real life would be really annoying and painful and cringe-worthy. This is how he treats people when he has no use for them.
Lestrade brings Molly a drink and Molly says she didn’t expect him at the party, wasn’t he supposed to be in Dorset? Lestrade is apparently back together with his wife (what, his wife lives?! The fanfic LIED! … and auuuuww, now he and Molly can’t flirt … dangit!) and Sherlock rudely says that Lestrade’s wife is sleeping with a PE teacher. (Sherlock is an asshole.) Lestrade’s grin is forced and painful to watch. Why do these people willingly hang out with Sherlock again? Well, I know Molly is there because she wants to bang him (and who can blame her, he is so hot, and I get the “sexy aloof guy who clearly doesn’t care about you despite spending so much time with you and he’s kind of an asshole why don’t you see that” because that was me for like five years in middle/high school) but that’s beside the point. He’s not someone you’d want to spend Christmas with, really. These people are all really nice, good people, and they’re choosing to subject themselves to hours locked in a room with Sherlock on Christmas. And Sherlock is an asshole, and he’s an asshole to THEM on a regular basis!
Molly asks John what his plans are, Johns’ going to visit Harry (his sister) who’s apparently sober. Sherlock tries to point out that no, she’s not, and John says “Shut up, Sherlock …”
And then … then something heartbreaking and awkward and painful happens. Sherlock deduces that Molly must have a “new boyfriend” that she’s “serious about” and she’s giving him a really nicely-wrapped present because it matches her lipstick and all the other presents aren’t wrapped nearly as well. (And can I just say that I loved Molly even more when I saw that she came in carrying two bags of presents for people? Because that is adorable and my friends and I have done that before at school and stuff, delivering my mom’s baked goods.) John and Lestrade seem to have premonitions and try to dissuade Sherlock from continuing while Sherlock presses and Molly looks more and more distressed and the music gets tragic. Molly looks like she’s going to be sick and I feel sick at the awkward situation and John seems to pick up on what’s about to happen and looks horrified.
Sherlock looks at the tag, which reads “Dearest Sherlock xxx” and gulps, realizing what a fucking horrible move he’s just made.
Molly looks to be on the verge of tears and says “you always say such horrible things …” not yelling or wailing but hoarsely, and my heart starts to shatter into several painful pieces. Mrs. Hudson looks both sad for Molly and disapproving at Sherlock. Molly continues “Always … always … always …” shaking her head, like she can’t understand why she loves this guy and, having been at a point like that, I can totally get that. The object of my affection was a pretentious artist/photographer/asshole, instead of a consulting detective/heroic sociopath/asshole, but close enough.
Sherlock says “I am sorry … forgive me …” and John looks up, shocked that Sherlock is actually acting like a fucking empathetic human being for once.
Good Sherlock, now I don’t have to smack you six ways to Sunday. You’re still an asshole, though, but at least this time you weren’t being deliberate, just ignorant and uncomfortable with a social situation. And that is the only reason I am still watching this show. Molly is a stronger woman than I am, because I’d have run sobbing into the bathroom, smacked you in the face, run sobbing out of the room, or hidden in the corner and sobbed if I were in a situation like that.
(I wonder what Molly got him for Christmas?)
Sherlock says “Merry Christmas, Molly Hooper” and kisses her on the cheek. Then the phone orgasms. Molly gets very flustered and says “that wasn’t me!” and Sherlock says “no, it was me” and she and Lestrade are very confused (hee hee hee hee hee) and Sherlock says “my PHONE” and finds a gift on the mantelpiece from Irene. It’s wrapped red like her lipstick was, and tied with a black cord. Rawr.
Sherlock leaves the room abruptly to open his present from Irene. It’s the phone! The one she said she’d never give up unless she was dead.
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Date: 2012-01-08 03:47 am (UTC)Also, the bit about 'I think my husband is having an affair' - I don't think he drew the conclusion from her appearance, I think he drew the conclusion the way Holmes always draws conclusions...by her clothes or something? I don't know, I don't think Holmes was written to be fatphobic. I don't think he has the social nuances.
The scene with him and Molly made me both very sad and oddly hopeful because she provides a counterpoint to Irene; the ingenue to the femme fatale, and it was interesting to see how both of them manage to evoke emotions from Sherlock in this episode, and both very different ones. Subtle, fragile ones from Molly, big, desperate ones from Irene. It's also interesting because unlike Irene, when Molly is confronted with Sherlock doing something awful, she talks back. At the end of the episode, when Sherlock unravels Irene, she doesn't try to unravel him back, or call him out - she just begs him to not do it to her. So it's interesting to see that ultimately, at the end, it's Molly who has a core of iron to her, not Irene.
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Date: 2012-01-08 01:11 pm (UTC)