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aunt_zeldaPreviously on Doctor Who: ... holy mother of god ...
The Master's back, he turned the whole world into him. Donna's beginning to remember, but if she does her head will explode. The Ood can see the future. The Time Lords are back.
That looks so simple and easy, typed out ...
Credits! *bops head to the music*
We begin with ... oh my, Gallifrey. From more than one angle! (Eeeeeeee!) It's very orange and very pretty and very snow-globe-y. Inside what looks like a derelict cross between the Xavier Insitute and the Death Star, the Time Lord Guy Who I Thought Was Rassilon But Is Just the President arrives at a meeting. The Doctor's in trouble, I think. Also a woman with weird face-paint mutters and scribbles Gallifrean circle text and is apparently a Seer ... and has predicted that today is the last day of the Time War. (RTD, if you bring Daleks into this ONE MORE TIME, I swear to god ...) She says they're all gonna die.
One of the only women at the table seems to accept that perhaps it's time for them to all die. She brings up the worst of the Time War, when people died over and over again, resurrected only to die in new ways. The President vaporizes her with a glove. No, seriously. Then he yells "I WILL NOT DIE!" Oh, I think you will, sir. Karmicly.
After an awkward pause in which I decide that I very much want the table in this scene for myself, one of the Time Lords brings over some slash fiction the Seer wrote to appease the President. It's set on Earth. The President postulates that perhaps "their salvation" is on Earth. Erm ... sure, why not?
Cue kinky bondage scene! SQUEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! *cough* Ahem. The Master's strapped the Doctor into the kinky chair and is trying to ressurect the feeling of The Year That Never Was by leaning in close and saying that he's got a world to run. The Master checks in with ... himself, all over (did all the babies in the world turn into the Master? All the little people? All the toddlers? All the tweens? HOW? And what about the Astronauts? Is this going to be one of those Y: The Last Man situations?
Wilfred continues to be awesome. The Master calls him the Doctor's "dad." HEE! So, this is a really twisted version of meeting the in-laws, is it? Wilf's phone starts ringing, and in a really great scene, the Master finds the gun, grabs the phone, and finds out that Donna is still Donna. He asks why she didn't change and Wilf spills about the metacrisis thingy. The Master jealously snorts that the Doctor "loves to play with Earth girls." Heh. Green-eyed monster, much? The Master sics himself on Donna, and under the stress she remembers more and finally lets out a sort of energy pulse that knocks out (or kills) all the Masters around her. Apparently the Doctor did that on purpose. HURRAY! Donna's fine, she'll just sleep.
Then we spiral into the sneak-peak I found a couple days ago on slash_lords. The Master removes the Doctor's gag and husks "Where's your TARDIS?" and the Doctor starts flattering and flirting with the Master. It's really, really slashy and really, really hot. The Master looks dismissive for a while, but then he pauses and touching music kicks in and he asks if he did go sightseeing with the Doctor "would it stop? The noises in my head?" *wibbles* Tears start to well up in his eyes and the Master wonders what he'd be without the drums. The Doctor retorts "What would I be, without you?" *jawdrop* WOW. *melts all over the floor* That was a slashy thing of beauty, that was ...
Wilfred asks what the drums are, and the Master sits down and actually explains. The Doctor helps. WOW.
This spirals into the Time Lords discussing the Drums and the Master, and really, they're looking an awful lot like a fanclub discussing the various interpretations of things in the Whoverse. Y'know, with vaporizing instead of wank fights. The Seer starts to beat out the Drums with her creepy fingernail. The President says it's the heartbeat of a Time Lord. Awwww?
The Master leans back with his eyes closed and looks positively yummy. He rants about the Drums, and the Doctor tries to reason with him, and then the Master goes all skull-face (wow, despite the gate thingy, he's still dying! Dangit!) and then goes far beyond the Doctor's reach, again postulating that the prophesy is all about him and the Drums and then he smacks the Doctor, snarlingly demanding to know where the TARDIS is. Yeesh. The Master orders one of the guards to kill Wilf, and then the Doctor Gets Awesome, because the guard isn't the Master, the guard is one of the Backen Demons! And he knocks the Master out! Hurray! Girl Bracken Demon runs in and they begin freeing Wilf and the Doctor.
"God bless the cactuses!" Wilfred cheers.
"That's cacti." the Doctor corrects.
"That's racist." Bracken Demon Guy snaps. HEE! Hee-hee!
Then there's a chase scene! For Fetish Fuel purposes, they can't untie the Doctor fast enough so they just wheel him away, much to the Doctor's distress. Then they go down some stairs, giving him some nice jolts. "Worst ... rescue ... ever!" the Doctor grumbles. They teleport away ... into the Bracken Demons' spaceship! Coolio! Wilfred stands by the window and gapes "We're in space!" Naaaaaw.
The Doctor finally gets out of the bondage chair (not a very safe BDSM prop, aren't you supposed to be able to free your partner very quickly should a fire break out or a medical condition appear?) fries the teleport, and reminds the Bracken Demons that they might be far away from Earth but the Master has control of every missile in the world and he's gonna start firing. He drags awestruck Wilf away from the window.
The Bracken Demons want to leave, the Doctor sonics their ship and thus breaks it. The Master's scanners don't pick up any signals of the ship, though. They do fry the teleport on their end, stranding the Doctor. The Bracken Demons are angry. Wilf things that the Doctor has some plan or idea up his sleeve, then he sees the Doctor's look and says "Oh, blimey ..." *wibbles* It's horrible when someone realizes that the Doctor can't tackle any situation and win.
All the Masters listen to the Drums and figure out that the signal was designed. Yipes!
Oh, so the Drums are this massive Xanatos Gambit by the Time Lords to lead him to them and get them out of the Time Lock. (Anyone else noticed that the Time Lords are a bit like cheesy sci-fi writers who put 'space' in front of every noun?) Then the President tosses a jewel from his staff onto Earth via the hologram ... I don't even know, this episode is very difficult to recap.
A comet shoots through the sky. The Doctor sees it from space. The Master sees it from the ground. He sends more of him to go get it. It's a super special diamond, a Time Lord diamond I guess, and the Master cackles really loudly at that. He looks genuinely happy.
Wilf wanders the spaceship and runs into the Lady in White, or, rather, she appears behind him. She basically says that he needs to give his gun to the Doctor for this final battle. Wilf stutters that Batman the Doctor never carries guns, and then asks who she is. Lady in White says she was lost once, a very long time ago, and then vanishes. Rani?
Wilf finds the Doctor fiddling with wires in a different room of the spaceship that reminds me a bit of the ship in Farscape. Wilf squees a bit about being in space, and then says that his wife is buried on Earth, and now he might never visit her. *wibbles* He asks the Doctor if he thinks the Master "changed them. In the ground." *gulps* The Doctor says he's so sorry. Wilf reminisces about a war and then cuts himself off, thinking that the Doctor doesn't want to hear an "old man" rambling. The Doctor says "I'm nine-hundred and six." Wilf says "we must look like insects to you." The Doctor says "I think you look like giants." *sniffles* Doctor, don't make me cry now, we're not even half done! Wilf tries to hand over the gun but the Doctor is very firm about not taking it. Wilf sighs. The Doctor asks why Wilf didn't shoot the Master in the Mansion, and Wilf says he was too scared. The Doctor says that he'd be proud, were Wilf his father. *sniffles*
Wilf pieces everything together, remembering the prophecy and how the Master's the one who 'knocks four times' and postulates that the Master's going to kill the Doctor. The Doctor nods a fraction of an inch and I squeak in despair. Wilf holds up the gun "Then kill him first." The Doctor says "That's how the Master started." ULP. Wilf puts down the gun. The Doctor says he's not an innocent and he's taken lives, and then he got worse because he got clever enough to manipulate people into taking their own lives, and he thinks that sometimes a Time Lord lives too long. This ... this is a kid's show, isn't it? *wibbles*
Then something horrible happens. Wilf asks what happens to all the people on Earth should the Master die. The Doctor says that "the template will snap" and admits that if the Master dies everyone else will revert back to themselves and be alive and human. Wilf gains momentum and snarls "Don't you dare put his life before theirs!" and then he orders the Doctor to take the gun to save all of them, and his life, and begs him not to die and the music gets loud and Wilfred is crying and the Doctor is being ripped apart inside and I'm crying and I don't want to watch anymore! *sniffles*
The Doctor pushes the gun down and says "Never."
Then the Master broadcasts his customary taunt. He tells the Doctor about the White-Point Star and says he's using it as a lifeline. Then the Doctor gets very intense and explains to Wilf that this means the Time Lords are returning. Wilf is all, 'well, isn't that good? They're your people!' and the Doctor grabs the gun and runs off. Oh ...
The Master does something technical with the diamond and a bomb and some wires, and sends the beep-beep-beep-beep out on every single signal. They hear it on the spaceship. The Doctor looks terrified. The Master looks ecstatic. The President hisses "Contact. At last." (That's what she said ... *giggles* oh, come on, that was too perfect a joke to miss!)
The Doctor runs around fixing and sonicing things and explaining to Wilf why the Time Lords are sealed up and why them getting out wouldn't be good, as they've been twisted by the Time War and they're a bit megalomaniacal. He finds out that the spaceship has asteroid lasers (sounds like a silly band name) and says "consider them un-frazzled" and I laugh because this manic-energy Doctor is so much fun to watch and I'm really going to miss him ... *wibbles* The Doctor flips their ship back online and then bellows "ALLONS-Y!" and rockets the ship down towards Earth. Ok, RTD, you got me. Yes, I will miss Ten. Yes I will miss David Tennant. Now will you please stop tugging on my heartstrings?!
The ship burns through the atmosphere and the Doctor orders everyone back to their laser-posts, and when asked why he says "Because of the missiles" and adds "We're going to have to fight off the whole planet!" ... wow.
The Master says that soon he'll have "Time Lords to spare" and orders the Doctor taken out. Yeowch. Way to kick me when I'm down, Mr. Master.
Wilf and Male Bracken Demon take out missiles with their Star Wars-esque laser shooter cockpit thingies. It's a very thrilling, very well-done action sequence. So cool. Wilf is awesome. The Bracken demons are awesome. The Doctor is awesome.
The Master reports to himself that the Doctor is heading for the Mansion and the Master says that it doesn't matter because the Time Lords are coming, and they're just as batshit insane as he is!
The President references the Weeping Angels but I'm so caught up that I didn't catch it exactly. They head for Earth. The Master gleefully cackles. He sees the Time Lords coming through a gate and chants "Closer ... and closer ... and closer ..." and hurray for resolved foreshadowing!
The Doctor steers the ship towards the Mansion. Wilf asks if they're all gonna die. He says he won't stop the Doctor, he'd just like to know if this is the end. The Doctor pulls up at the last second and then leaps out of the ship and falls down through the huge glass dome and crashes onto the floor, broken and bloody and unable to shoot the Time Lords. *gulps*
The President steps forward and says hi to "My Lord Doctor" and "My Lord Master." The Master reacts to being called that, perhaps it's just the protocol he hasn't heard in ages or something. *shrugs* The President says they're all here together to witness the end of time. Dude, you're late, the episode started last week and this is part two.
The Master makes the mistake of revealing his plan - to transplant himself onto all the Time Lords - to the President. The President levels his glove, and for a horrible moment I thought he was going to kill the Master, but instead he reverses what the Master did ... to everyone on the planet. COOL! He turned everyone back to normal! *cheers* And now you don't have to kill the Master! *cheers some more*
Then something terrifying happens. Gallifrey pops into existence right next to Earth. And it's kinda huge. It's gonna crush us! Nooooooooo! Everyone runs around freaking out. The Bracken Demons flee. The Master demands credit for all of this. You really have to admire his ego, even now.
Wilf gets in, frees a scientist from the lockbox, and gets locked inside himself.
The Doctor tries to explain to the Master what happened in the final days of the Time War - when the Master wasn't there - and all these horrible things that are gonna come back now. They sound really horrible. The Time Lords say they're gonna ascend and become consciousnesses and stop time and a load of crazy stuff that the Doctor said he had to stop. Wow. It wasn't about ending the War, it was about stopping the Time Lords. Wow. And he couldn't ever tell anyone ... nobody would understand or listen or get it ...
The Master wants to come with to this ascension business, but the President dismisses him as 'diseased' even though the Time Lords made him diseased. The President readies his glove to zap the Master ... and the Doctor leaps to his feet, gun in hand, pointed right at the President.
The President cautions the Doctor. "We are many, he is but one." While the Master sees only power in this ploy: the way he sees it, the Doctor could shoot the President and rule Gallifrey. Like he'd wanna do that ...
Then the Doctor whirls around and points the gun at the Master. The Master tries to shift blame for the sixth time in five minutes, then calmly says that the link is in his head, so if the Doctor shoots him, the Time Lords will disappear. He straightens up and considers the Doctor, then spits "You never would, you coward." *GULP* He gets all intense and the music keeps building and I bite my lip and then the Doctor whirls around and again points the gun at the President. Now the Master's egging on that option.
"The last act of your life is murder ... but which one of us?" the President sneers.
Wilf looks scared. The Doctor looks tortured. Then ... we hear that music. You know the tune. The sound the TARDIS makes when she sings. Slowly, one of the people behind the President lowers her hands. It's the Lady in White. Wilf recognizes her. The Doctor seems to recognize her as well. (Romana? I give up!) She nods. The Doctor again whirls around and points the gun at the Master.
Then he hisses "Get out of the way."
The Master smirks, dives to the side, and the Doctor shoots the diamond-device thingy. YES! Oh, but it gets better. The Time Lords are going away (the President was Rassilon, BTW, I WAS RIGHT! *cackles*) and the President says "You die with me!" and the Doctor says "I know" but then the Master says "Get out of the way" and zaps Rassilon with his lightning. He yells "You made me! All my life!" and zaps the President with lightning, then yells "One! Two! Three! Four!" and I smile.
Then something horrible happens. The Master leaps into the portal, still hurling his lightning at Rassilon. NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Don't go die in the Time War! Noooooooo! Stay with the Doctor and run around having adventures! Noooooooo!
(Well, dammit. Guess I'll have to wait and read the epic fanfics about the alternate endings this finale provides for Doctor/Master.)
Gallifrey zooms off to epic music, and I'm so happy that the Master did what he did, even though I wish he wasn't stuck in the Time Lock now.
People cheer in the street. Donna's mom smiles.
Mansion floor. The Doctor gasps "I'm alive!" and laugh/cries a bit. Then he hears four knocks. He sighs, comes to terms with it, and turns. It's Wilf, stuck in the control box thing. Oh, I think we all know where this is going. One of those 'man is told he's going to die on X date, he spends that day worrying, then at the end of the day he's fine, so he starts to laugh, and then he dies laughing' endings, or where a prophecy is proven right in a backwards kind of way. The Doctor survives the return of the Master, the return of the Time Lords, and the return of Gallifrey ... but it's Wilf who was going to 'knock four times' before the Doctor died.
I honestly did not see this coming.
Wilf asks if the Doctor can let him out The Doctor chokes out that yeah, he can. Except ... he can't. All the radiation from the bomb the Master set off is going into that container soon, and touching the controls will set it off. Wilf accepts this and tells the Doctor to just leave. Then the Doctor spazzes out, railing against the fact that he has to die. Not Wilf, him, the Tenth Doctor. And really, I'm sorry Doctor, but compared to your predecessors, you aren't facing death with dignity at all. This is embarrassing to watch. You are 900+ years old, and you've had three-and-a-half seasons in this body. Grow the hell up and save Wilfred, who is at least man enough to accept his death and admit that he's an old man and not want you to have to witness him dying a horrible death.
Then the Doctor becomes himself again. "Lived too long," he mutters, and strides towards his doom. Wilfred yelps "No! No! Don't! Please don't!" and I nearly lose it right then and there. The Doctor says "It's been an honor" and steps into the booth. Wilfred gets out. The Doctor writhes around in pain and it's actually a pretty good representation of what my soul must look like right now, watching this. Very meta, RTD.
I'll be honest with you guys. I didn't cry. It was horrible to watch, but it was fitting. I cried when Nine died. I cried when the Master died and the Doctor cried about that. I cried when Rose and the Doctor were separated in the S2 finale, and when they said goodbye.
But I didn't cry when (it looked like) Ten had died. I feel ashamed. It's been an honor, sir, but ... you're right: it's your time.
Wilfred, amazing man that he is, stays. Then Ten sits up and isn't Matt Smith yet. He absorbed all the radiation and shut down the system. He leaves the booth. His scars heal. He says "It's starting" and that's all Wilf needs to know. Wilf hugs him, and I nearly cried there.
Zap! Donna is unconscious and at home, being tended to by her fiancé and mom. The TARDIS vworps into being offscreen. Donna wakes up, annoyed at having "missed something again" and I laugh and sniffle. Her mom runs outside. The TARDIS - and the Tenth Doctor, and Wilf - arrive. Ten promises he'll see Wilf again, and then leaves "to get my reward." *sniffles*
Then ... buwha?! Martha, with a new hairstyle and in sexy black-opps outerwear runs across an urban landscape. She joins Mickey-With-a-Beard (WHAA?!) and they've apparently "gone freelance" and are being hunted by a Sontaran. Then we find out that they're married. BUWHAAAAAAA?! A Sontaran almost shoots them but the Doctor whaps it with the mallet. YAY! Martha and Mickey spot the Doctor, he sees them seeing him, and then walks off, and the haunting-music kicks up. Mickey and Martha hug.
Sarah Jane Smith's son, what's-his-name, the one who was made in a juice factory - is walking along the street talking on his cellphone and nearly gets run over. The Doctor saves him. He doesn't speak. Son recognizes him, but the Doctor just walks back into his TARDIS. Son runs over - after looking both ways - and fetches SJS, who sees the Doctor, who sees her. He waves, she smiles.
Then something kinda awesome and mood-whiplashy happens. Jack sits in the most awesome space bar I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot in sci-fi movies and TV shows and read about a lot in sci-fi books. He gets a note from the Doctor, who's standing across the bar. The note reads "His name is Alonso" and the pilot from Voyage of the Damned is sitting next to Jack. HEE! Jack salutes the Doctor, and the Doctor leaves. Did I mention that all the while this awesome rendition of 'My Bad Bad Angel' is playing? Jack successfully chats up Alonso. It's really cute.
On of Joan Redfern's descendants found her diary and wrote a book of it called 'Impossible Things.' She's signing copies at a book store. *wibbles* He asks her to sign it to 'the Doctor' and she says "That's funny, that's the name he used -" and then she looks up. He asks if Joan was happy in the end. Descendant says yes, she was. She asks the Doctor if he was. The Doctor tries to smile but comes off looking so unbearably sad that it doesn't quite work out. He takes the book and leaves.
Donna gets married with much tossing of rose petals. My eyes water. Pictures are taken. Minnie tries to put the moves on Wilfred. Naaaaw. Donna's mom turns and sees the Doctor. She pulls Wilfred over and they both go over to talk to the Doctor. Wilfred asks who the Lady in White was, and the Doctor doesn’t reply. (Grrr.) I think he got a quid from Donna's missing father. He bought a lottery ticket. For Donna. *sniffles* The sad music kicks up again. Wilfred salutes the Doctor. The Doctor turns and walks away. Wilfred starts to cry. I gulp furiously and TRY not to cry.
Then something even more heart-tugging happens. The Doctor goes and sees Rose, back before he ever met her, New Year's Day, 2005, the year he met her. *sniffles* Oh, Rose ... oh Doctor ... oh, my soul ...
The Doctor staggers for the TARDIS but just can't make it. He falls. He cries out. An Ood appears. "We will sing to you, Doctor. The Universe will sing you to your sleep." *sniffles loudly* The Doctor staggers to his feet and begins walking back to the TARDIS. "This song is ending," says the Ood, "But the story continues."
I lost it when he reached the door. Tears. Horrible. Opera song. Noooooo ...
The Doctor makes it inside and tosses off his coat and his hand starts glowing. He sets the TARDIS spinning away from Earth. Then he says "I don't want to go" and that just sends me over the end. I cried. Big time. Wasn't pretty. Couldn't stop. FACE DEATH WITH DIGNITY YOU ... *wails* PLEASE DON'T GO TEN! NOOOOOOOOOO!
He regenerates incredibly violently, setting the TARDIS aflame and making some of the coral crash down. He screams, there's bright pretty lights, and then ...
... we have Matt Smith. We have Eleven. He checks that he's got two legs, loads of fingers, two ears, two eyes, a nose, and a chin. Then he gets a scare, thinking he's a girl with all his hair (hardy har har) but then no, he's still a guy, but he's still not ginger, dammit! (PLEASE make him ginger someday, show!) He leaps around a bit, trying to be the Doctor without copying Ten and still being Doctor-who-was-recently-Ten and yet still being his own person and I'm reading waaaaaay too much into this twenty-second performance, aren't I?
He suddenly realizes that he's crashing - the TARDIS is spiraling towards Earth - and he yells and laughs and fiddles frantically with controls and I'm laughing and crying but mostly laughing because I think I'm going to like this guy.
*finishes the recap and wipes the tears from my face* OWIE OWIE OW!
So much happened! The slashy slash and the awesome heart-to-hearts and the Drums and Rassilon and everybody lives but the Doctor and all the Companions doing well for themselves and Ten dying like that …
I, for one, am eager to see what the Eleventh Doctor brings to the table.
(To Be Continued ...)
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no subject
Date: 2010-01-03 08:44 pm (UTC)I have so much faith in our future that it's ridiculous.
I mean, I have to have faith in the future, because I am SO PISSED at Ten for going out like a toddler.
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Date: 2010-01-03 09:54 pm (UTC)(Erm, yes, I too have ridiculous faith in the future of this show. It looks so action-packed and awesomesauced!
I mean, I have to have faith in the future, because I am SO PISSED at Ten for going out like a toddler.
Yes, that really hurt me. Nobody else was there, but still, What You Are In The Dark, and all ... Ten wasn't a coward, at least, I didn't THINK he was, and I don't want him to be remembered as such!
See above review for rants, and previous review for still more.