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aunt_zelda) wrote2009-01-29 04:24 pm
Another weird one ... Batman/Joker femslash for Knight vs Anarchy
Title: Seven Deadly Sins and Seven Heavenly Virtues
Rating: R, because someone says the f-word, and the Joker’s got it bad for Batsy.
Word Count: 2,641 (aprox.)
Disclaimer: I do not own the Joker, the Batman, or Harley Quinn. I’m not sure who does, but it’s certainly not me and I make no money off of this venture, please do not sue! I’d like to think that I own Brenda Wayne and Harriet Dent and Randal Dawes, but if you ask really nicely I’ll let you use them!
Warnings: Foul language, some material that might be a tad disturbing to those faint of heart, vague descriptions of sexual situations. Un beta’d. LOTS of femslash. (It’s not crack, but the Batman and Joker are both women in this. I did a whole genderswap thingy copied shamelessly from cidercupcakes’s fantastic fic.)
A/N: So … more of Brenda and the Joker(ess?) huh? They wanted in on this contest, ya see, and … well, the Joker’s got a knife and Brenda’s got a lot of money! This is 2nd person, again, and in a series of 14 very strange drabbles-ish scenes. It’s from the Joker’s POV, and when she refers to ‘her’ it’s Brenda Wayne/the Batman. Also, I apologize for Harley’s boy-name.
For those of you new to this series, every character who’s a man is a woman, and every woman is a man. Just go along with it, apparently it works.
Prompt: “Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall.” – Measure for Measure (Act II, Scene i)
Lust
You can’t resist her. When she’s wearing that bat-costume and growling like a man, beating you senseless in alleys or on top of buildings. When she’s all glittery and shiny and gliding around with
And she can’t resist you. You know it; she knows it. The only difference is that she treats it as some dreadful secret that has to be hidden away, and you want to shout from the rooftops that you’re screwing ‘the Batman.’
And oh, how you love screwing her. Ripping her armor off and licking every single one of her scars. Making her scream your name in the rain while you laugh in her face. Letting her tear your suit to pieces and have her (very rough) way with you in an alleyway.
It’s just as much of a high as when you blow something up or commit a particularly gruesome murder. Screwing the Batman, screwing Brenda Wayne, torturing some poor schmuck who pretends to be the Batman, blowing up
It’s all the same. All good. All fun. All worth every drop of blood and slice of a switchblade.
Gluttony
Once again, you’ve got her tied up, half-drugged, and at your mercy. This time she’s in your dining room, and you’re finishing off a bowl of cherries as she blearily watches you, slowly but surely coming back to her senses.
You grin at her. “I love cherries!” you nibble one for emphasis. “I mean, they’re red, they leave what looks like bloodstains on your fingers …” you pause as she struggles uselessly against the handcuffs, ignoring you completely. How impolite. You pop a stem into your mouth and twirl it around, spitting it out once you’ve knotted it. She raises an eyebrow at that, though she doesn’t give the reaction guys in bars used to give when you did that. “And you can spend hours spitting the pits at people,” you toss a few pits into your mouth, then spit them randomly at her. A few hit her on the face, most go too wide, clattering to the floor. You laugh, rolling over on the table, hooking your ankles up into the air and selecting a new pit. You wink at her: she glares.
“Whatever you’re going to do, Joker, just do it.” she snarls, and bless her, she’s still keeping up that deranged ‘Batman-voice.’ It makes your toes curl and sends lovely needles down your spine.
You grin, pucker your lips, and spit the cherry pit at her. It hits her on the nose. As she squinches her face up in annoyance, you laugh and grab another cherry.
Greed
You love money. Well, you love burning money. Literally. You love the looks on every Crime Lord and Lady’s face when you start burning piles of cash. ‘Material gain’ … it’s so useless, don’t they get it? You make it a point to never have a favorite anything: you loose your knives purposely, you go through decks of cards monthly, when your ones of your outfits gets muddy or slashed to ribbons you get a new one and throw the old out.
You can’t even keep your memories. Well, ever since you came to
You didn’t take anything from life before
Sloth
You know that you could just kick back and watch from the sidelines. You know that if you pulled off one great scheme, you could have
Nah.
Wrath
You get very upset when Batsy insists that she’s different from you. Very upset. So upset that you won’t even try and kiss or grope her. All you try to do is and bash her skull in and throw her off the roof.
Of course, you never succeed. That’s what makes it fun. If she was gone, there’d be no one worth challenging. No one worth slamming up against a wall and grinding against. No one worth antagonizing mercilessly. No one worth pitting yourself against.
The fact that you need her so damn much also tends to drive you to acts of violence against her. Still, it’s a sign of affection when you try to kill her. She’s gotta know that by now … right?
Envy
Sometimes you turn as green as your hair when you think about her. What she’s got, what she can do, her passionate, steely mentality …
With money like hers, she could have anything she wanted. With power like hers, she could bring the crime world to its knees just by dropping the right hints. With looks like hers, she could have anyone she wanted, easy.
Instead she lives like a monk, beats up muggers in alleyways dressed up as a goddamn Bat-man, and acts like the most well-behaved celebrity in the world.
She leads two lives like there’s nothing two it. Three lives, actually: Ms. Wayne, the celebrity heiress; the Batman, terror of the underworld; Brenda the lesbian.
You think that the world ought to be envious of you for getting all three Brenda-Wayne-Batmans to yourself. But then again, a third of the world’s green already.
Pride
You lick your scars. “Wanna know how I got these?”
She opens her mouth, probably to say something stupid like ‘you’ve told me before.’
You’ve told everyone one story or another, but there’s always a chance that this time you’ll finally tell someone the truth.
If only you could remember what the truth was.
You shake your head of that troublesome thought and continue. “Well, when I was a teenager, I came out to my family. ’Course, my only family was my father, and he was the meanest, most homophobic, alcoholic bastard that ever lived. ‘You’re gay?’ he asks me, after I’ve told him, swaying there like an idiot. ‘That means … happy, right?’ so he takes his knife – see, he’s got this knife in his pocket, used to be a hunter or something – he takes his knife out and grabs a hold of me – and I’m only a little bit of a thing, thirteen or something like that – and he says ‘Now you’ll be smiling forever’ and does this,” you pop your thumb into your mouth, poking your cheek out, “and starts slicing,” you mumble, thumb still inside your mouth. You pop it out and smack your lips, relishing in the look of horror on her face.
You’re the only one who can make her look like that. You’re the only one in the world who can get that kind of reaction.
You lunge forward and kiss her, pressing the scars she pities up against her perfect, perfect mouth. Your eyes dare her to try and bite you, dare her to disfigure you even further.
This time she just lies there and takes it.
You’re the only one who can make her do that, too.
Chastity
You wish that she’d been a virgin when the two of you first had sex. You wish that she’d had a cherry to pop; and that you could have seen the fear and pain in her eyes. If she’d been a virgin when she jumped you in that elevator, what could have happened would have been much different than what really went down.
You like to daydream about virgin!Brenda-Batsy, that that’s where her brutal strength came from: pent-up sexual frustration. You’d like to imagine that you, her archnemesis, a woman she’s supposed to hate with every fiber of her being, were the first to go down on her and make her scream like that.
Maybe it was Harriet Dent’s boyfriend, Randall, who first tasted her. When you think of Randall and her writhing around in the backseat of a car, you want to slice someone’s throat. It’s worse to imagine that Asian bitch, Ra’s al Ghul, teaching a few after-school specials to her wide-eyed apprentice.
That’s why you keep
She’s yours, whether she’s wearing a bat-mask or in a three-thousand dollar dress. She always has, and she always will be.
Sometimes you like to pretend that she took your virginity. If you had it now, you’d offer it to her with a fucking red ribbon tied around it.
Temperance
“Ooooh … Batsy, you’re slow tonight!” you giggle, cheeks heating up as your feet lash out furiously for ground. She’s got you slammed against a wall with her forearm. A few of your switchblades lie discarded on the roof, moonlight making them glimmer like fallen stars or fragments of souls.
Why is it that you get so damn poetic around her? Must be the lack of oxygen in your body. You flick a blade out of your sleeve and stab her in the side, slumping to the ground when she reels back in surprise.
“Like I said … slow tonight …” you cough loudly, making the changeover from cough to laugh once she charges at you again. You roll to the side, shaking your head as she almost smashes into the wall. As she wavers, off-balance, you bring her down to your level, tugging a tiny knife from the sheath
“Try and ease up a bit, honey … take a night off now and again. Fight crime in moderation … what’s the worst that could happen?” you grin, feeling your makeup crack around your scars.
“Never …” she growls in that idiotic man-voice of hers. You press the knife down a bit, drawing blood, but she continues, “Not while … people like you … run free.”
You snort, shaking your head. “Oh Batsy … didn’t your mother ever tell you? You can clean house all you want, but the dust always comes back …”
You’re laughing when she scrambles out from under you and kicks you away. Even when your head hits the wall, and one of your fallen knives digs into your knee.
She’s drunk on you already. What fun …
Charity
She’s always throwing some Charity event or other. For starving orphans in Africa or abused blind boys in
You’re not ashamed to admit that you steal every issue, cut out the pictures of her, and paste them to your walls. You take a black sharpie and draw the Batman’s mask on her head, scribbling over her fancy hairstyles and glimmering earrings.
“That’s not the real you …” you whisper to her frozen images before taking a sharpie to them. “Never was, and never will be …”
Diligence
“Jesus Christ, would you shut up,
He slinks away, probably to sulk somewhere. Maybe he’ll go out and rob a bank and come back, expecting praise like a damn dog. As much as you hate him, you can’t seem to let him go. He’s so cute … you haven’t even screwed him yet and he’s at your beck and call. It’s flattering, really, and you love teasing him, love that even though you give him blue balls almost daily he keeps coming back for more. Twisted little bastard. You love flaunting him in Batsy’s face, too, love seeing her eyes widen in shock and then narrow in fury (and maybe even disgust) when you make love to Harvey’s mouth in front of her. Poor Batsy … she doesn’t swing both ways, just the one. All the better for you, of course, but still, you can’t be there for her 24/7 like
You shake your head, crumpling up another sheet of paper and setting it on fire.
No matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to make every single one of your deeds lead to Brenda Wayne’s bed or hinge on the Batman swooping in.
No matter how hard you want them to.
Patience
You hate waiting around for her to make a grab for you. The longer you wait, the longer you’re away from her, the more your urge to slice something – especially a bat-shaped something – grows.
So you avoid waiting when at all possible. You take busses full of schoolchildren hostage. You make a bomb-threat on a Sunday morning when the parishioners are locked inside. When you’re really desperate, you storm one of Brenda Wayne’s charity events and drag the heiress away into a helicopter or a private van and zoom away.
It’s not that you’re impatient … it’s just that you’d much rather your time was spent fighting her or fucking her or threatening her alter-ego. You’re surprised that not many agree with you on this point, but it’s just as well. If they did, you’d have to kill them.
Kindness
When the new-guy arrives in town, you’re uncharacteristically nice to him. Maybe it’s because he goes around in S&M gear and makes
It’s certainly not because you think he could take you in a fight. Nope nopeity-nope-nope!
Ok, maybe he scares you … just a little bit. A smidge. That’s all!
That’s what makes him fun to have around … at least until he figures out that Batman isn’t a man. Then he’ll find out that – nine lives or not – curiosity killed the cat, and satisfaction won’t be bringing him back.
Humility
Really, you don’t understand why everyone makes such a fuss over you. You’re just one of many: an agent of Chaos. There’s one in every single person on the planet, guaranteed. Even if they put on airs and dress up like a Bat-Man and insist they’re a good guy.
Especially those ones.
Still, if you hadn’t come along, someone else would have. No better or worse than yourself, but another sewer of destruction and fairness. (Gotta keep the fairness in there, for poor, dear Harriet’s sake.)
You love how Harriet turned out. Started out as the white knight of
Distressed her to no end, of course: Harriet claiming to be the Batman (idiot, like anyone would believe that); taking the fall for her, essentially giving up Harriet’s own life for one vigilante lesbian.
It’d have been admirable if it weren’t so plain stupid.
Which was why it was so fun to twist her until she snapped. You were able to rip her to shreds and piece her back together like a collage.
It’s enough to make you burst into uncontrollable laughter, even now.
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Huzzah for getting the voices right!
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I wuv u, Zel-chan!!!!! <33333333333333333333333333 *huggles*
This was TERRIFIC! =D =D =D =D =D =D =D
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(I love that even though we're on opposite sides, we can still love each other's work.)
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(Oh I know! =D)
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And it totally reminds me that I owe you some Joker/Harriet/Joanna Crane porn.
That you do my dear, that you do ...
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LOL. Hopefully I'll have some free time soon. Argh. Why, oh why, did I want to go back to school?
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Free time ... I vaguely remember that ... especially right now, considering all the work I've got to do, and that coupled with how exhausted I've been of late, I opted out of Round 2 of Knight vs. Anarchy. *headdesk*
Ah well, whenever you find time to work on it, I will be happy to wait for it! *grins in anticipation* I'm a patient person when the mood strikes ...
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YAY for more genderswitch. I love your sexy, obsessive stalkerish femme!Joker. And the 'seven deadly sins and seven cardinal virtues' set up for the drabbles is great!
You make it a point to never have a favorite anything: you loose your knives purposely, you go through decks of cards monthly, when your ones of your outfits gets muddy or slashed to ribbons you get a new one and throw the old out.
You can’t even keep your memories. Well, ever since you came to Gotham, you haven’t forgotten a second, but before …
You didn’t take anything from life before Gotham but your scars, you’re certain of that much.
I just love the above as a character study. I genuinely believe the Joker doesn't know his/her own past, doesn't regard it as important.
You shake your head, crumpling up another sheet of paper and setting it on fire.
No matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to make every single one of your deeds lead to Brenda Wayne’s bed or hinge on the Batman swooping in.
No matter how hard you want them to.
Aww, a hint of pathos! Poor Joker! This is very canon... I love how all the Joker's schemes are basically bids for Batsy's attention.
Oh, and I don't know if you were referencing this or not, but there is actually a DC villain called Catman!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catman_(comics)
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Anyhoodle, thank you thank you thank you for your luverly comment!
I just love the above as a character study. I genuinely believe the Joker doesn't know his/her own past, doesn't regard it as important.
It makes it more fun for me as an author: she doesn't know, she doesn't care, I don't have to stick to one story. Win/win!
Course, when you sit down and think about it, it's kinda sad, but ... *shrugs*
Aww, a hint of pathos! Poor Joker! This is very canon... I love how all the Joker's schemes are basically bids for Batsy's attention.
*grinz* Most of my gay supervillains do this on purpose ... whether in fanfic or original novels.
I had no idea! LOL! Catman ... that's very funny. I think I prefer my Catman, though. He's more of a male version of Catwoman rather than this canon Catman. Look forward to playful bantar and stealing plots!
Perfection
Re: Perfection
This was a fun fic to write, I love the response it got.
Awwww, *huggles you* Thanks! You just brightened my day!
Re: Perfection
It must seem weird getting a comment from someone who hasn't even posted one story herself.....yet.
I'm working on a Joker/Batsy femmeslash myself, to submit to the community next week. Though I've only got a pathetic rough draft so far. But you story is pure EPICNESS!
Re: Perfection
Nah ... it was AGES into my slash authoress career that I wrote my first femslash fic, and it wasn't very good at all. I mostly stick with the guys, but when I write fem everyone goes gaga and applauds and squees and stuff. It's so much fun.
Don't forget to send me a link! I'm going to be so busy these next few weeks that my time online will be short, so unless you send me a comment with the link, I probably won't find your fic!
Naaaaw, I'm sure your fic will be lovely, and thank you again for your praise.
Re: Perfection
Something about slash just makes girls go CRAZY,and even more so when the genders are reversed. I love that the batmanjoker community is, I think, composed entirely of females. I've got a few Bruce/Jack slash oneshots on another website but they're pretty bad.
http://poisonvictoria.deviantart.com/gallery/#FemmeSlash-DRAFT
(This isn't the final--far from it, in fact--but its a stupid, sloppy rough draft that my friend begged me to show her) I've got a WHOLE new, better, idea now that the Round 4 prompt (role reversal) was announced. I'll send you a link to the final when it's completed.
Aww. Thanks! And, you're welcome. God, I wish I possessed talent like yours. *headdesk*