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aunt_zeldaApparently the two reviews are too large, so ‘Fragments’ is going to be posted a few seconds after this.
(Argh, even MORE computer troubles! I’m beginning to think this high-speed business is more trouble than it’s worth … ok, no I’m not, being able to watch Life on Mars and DW episodes on your home computer without letting it load overnight is fantastic, but I’m wondering if I shouldn’t rent a room out to the guy the high-speed people send. He’d get to watch Doctor Who for free: when the internet’s down it’s all I can do, watch S2 over and over again and type up my idea-cards …)
'The Sound of Drums'
(Ok, so I tuned in ten minutes early to watch Jacobi act the HELL out of the Master and hear the 'Say my name' bit all over again. God, poor Chantho. Btw, why didn't the TARDIS eat the Master again? Or was that in a semi-canon book? How DID she eat the Master, anyhoodle?
Also, this might just be the funniest thing in existence: http://community.livejournal.com/ihasatardis/220843.html#cutid1 so please go see it.)
Also, have you guys been watching and commenting on llordllama's vids? You should've! *glares meaningfully*
Aaaah, new TV! I can hear it now without craning my head and praying ... then again I didn't dare mess with the settings to try and make it less shadowy, so it's a bit too dark for my taste but what the heck, I re-watched everything online Sunday morning anyway.
Actual Review Beings Here:
Ok, so a slag, a badass, and God’s Gift to Slashers, all walk into a trap …
Wait, you’ve all heard this one before, haven’t you? I’ve heard this one before, mostly, because I read slash fics. This is not new for any of us.
This did not dampen my excitement and enjoyment of viewing, however. On the contrary, I was thrilled that I got to watch this episode, not in clips online set to ‘I Hate Everything About You’ or titled ‘The Master’s Best Moments’ or something like that.
That being said, this episode features phonesex between my latest OTP, as well as the Doctor on his knees in front of the Master towards the end, so this might just be the most fantastic episode EVER. (Until next week of course, when the Doctor forgives the Master for turning him into a gnome and plans to ‘keep him’ as a kinky pet.)
Beginning:
The Doctor, Jack, and Martha pop into
Some hobo beats out the Drums beat in the background. The Doctor stares at that instead of Jack because he can't look at Jack without feeling nervous and slightly ill anymore. So guys, Jack/Ten CANNOT WORK NO MORE. Jack/Nine, however, is wonderfully canon so have at it!
When the Master and Lucy stride onto the TV, announcing that he's the Prime Minister, I let loose with my evilest laugh. God, he really did take over the world, didn’t he?
Oh come on, John Barrowman's in the credits but not John Simm? That's brutal, that.
The Master (and Lucy, but mostly the Master and his many funny faces):
How DID the Master steal all of the Doctor's fangirls in the space of three seconds? Really, how did he manage that? It's THE DOCTOR'S SHOW!
So the Master and Lucy just make out randomly all the time? Then again, if I was married to John Simm and looked THAT PRETTY, I'd make out with him all the damn time! Lucy and the Master kiss very well, btw. Why are random outbursts of sexual gratification indicators of evil, anyway? These two could be the poster children for the latest campaign by Evil 'Go Evil, For We Have Hot Makeout Sessions!’
"Well then, Tish, you just stand there and look gorgeous."
So the Master left his racism at the end of the universe. That's good …
Oh god, can't the Cabinet hear the nerve-wracking, scary music?
OMG THE SMILE and THE FROWNY FACE!
"I'm not like this ... I'm like this." I love this Master. I mean, he hasn't got a 'rubbish beard' or a vampire cloak but he's evil AND funny AND sexy. No leather gloves, sadly, but ya never know what he had stored away up on the Valiant that year ...
"It's a gasmask."
"And why are you wearing it?"
"Because of the gas."
"What gas?"
"This gas!"
And then he kills them all. And I giggle. Have you any idea how DISTURBING that is?!
"Just after the downfall of Harriet Jones."
Ah, Harriet Jones ... *sighs* poor woman. The 'six words' business still floors me. Seriously, that was just ... awesome in a very sad way. What’s even scarier is that the Doctor could do that ALL THE TIME, and he doesn't.
Poor blond woman, trying to appeal to Lucy.
"But he was so good to my father." What is THAT supposed to mean? Did the Master poison him and make it look like he was taking care of him as he died? Was he actually nice?
"The thing is ... I made my choice."
God, poor woman ...
"My faithful companion."
*shivers* He's LURKING. That's a very very BAD sign.
"I am the Master. And these, are my friends."
*giggles* I know I shouldn’t, but I am …
Ok, the way the Master kept peeking back inside the room to watch her die was ... ew. So wrong. Then he and Lucy had 'Evil Hug Time' and I forgot all about it because John Simm is just as much of a teddy bear as David Tennant.
In Martha's Flat:
"I mean, who'd call himself 'the Master?'"
Heh, Martha, get yer mind out of the gutter ... no, wait, leave it right here! Write some Academy slash fanfic while you're at it! Jack will beta it!
Poor Jack can't get a hold of his team. I really hope in 'the year that never was' at least IANTO survives. And maybe Tosh. But Gwen and Owen can kick it for all I care. I hope they brought the pterodactyl on a leash and collar ... they could feed it evil Yetis or something …
Hee, Jack and the Doctor being stuck inside Martha's cheerfully-colored bedroom may be one of the bestest things ever. At least there aren't any knickers about this time ... ah, spoke too soon, they're on a laundry rack in the back. We also get to see the room at a new and interesting angle, which must have been fun for the set designers.
I want those orange curtains. I also want Jack to come over to my house and make tea. And I want the Doctor to drink said tea, without using the handle of the mug. Seriously, what's up with that?
"The Master was always was sort of ... hypnotic ..." Oh DOCTOR, you know you wanna say it ... shout it out for all we care!
OMG MARTHA got the drum-disease!
The Master On TV:
"Our lord and Master is speaking to his kingdom."
That is such a luverly statement, that … really, is there anyone who seriously objects to the Master taking over Earth? REALLY?
I love how Lucy crosses her fingers. It's a wonderful little touch.
The Master digs out old clips of aliens invading
"Oooooo … sweet."
The face he just MADE, I almost passed out from the CUTE. I'd believe in him if he were selling the Gentlemen as friendly!
"And they're called the Toclafane."
"What?"
Yes Doctor, the thing that was hiding in the closet at Academy, that Koschei would make sure wasn't there ...
Whoever decided to use the clips that zoomed in on John Simm's lips should be given a medal.
The bomb is going off to the drumbeat too! Yeek!
Martha's Fam Gets Captured:
How come Martha's dad is the decent one? Really, he's the one with the young girlfriend, right, so how come HE'S the decent one? Why waste all that time setting him up as a jerk in ‘Smith and Jones’ if he turns out to be the decent one?
The scene where the A-Team is racing around in a car, and epic, fast-paced music is playing, and Martha's yelling "It's your fault, it's all your fault!" at the Doctor and her mom and dad are yelling too, is done very very well. I was on the edge of my seat despite knowing the outcome ...
"But I was helping you!"
Mrs. Jones, you didn't seriously trust the sketchy people in black suits, did you? How daft are you? *sigh* She's no Jackie Tyler ...
OMG they're SHOOTING at the Doctor and Co? What IS the Master's plan, really? Blow the Doctor up? Shoot the Doctor dead? How does he know the next regeneration will be as cute and slag-ish as this one? What if the next one hasn't got a head? Or has two heads?
Did he just want to get rid of the Doctor's Companions? Because THAT would make sense: get the Doctor alone, you've practically won.
PHONESEX:
"Ooooo, nice little game of hide-and seek, I like that!"
*giggles* The Master hijacked her phone! Clever ...
Of course, when the Doctor answers on Martha's phone, the Master stops grinning and grabs his own cellphone to speak to the Doctor more intimately, not via the talking-boxy-thingy in the middle of his desk.
And here comes the clip I watched over and over and over again online. You cannot deny the intense chemistry that's going on in this scene, even if you don't slash the Doctor and the Master. It's just so ... amazing. Wonderful. It's probably what spawned the Mylar phonesex scenes.
I mean, even when he's taking out the phone and switching it ON he's got this excited look on his face. He makes the word 'Doctooooooor' sound like something obscene that oughta be bleeped out. He looks like David Tennant's voice is turning him on (can you blame him if that is the case?) when the Doctor says "Master." I mean, really, I dare ANYONE to look me in the eye and say there is no sexual tension there! If a man and a woman were doing this people would be wolf-whistling!
"How sanctimonious is that?"
When he says THAT he's got this cute little grin on his face that screams "I'm finally talking to my lover, and boy is he hot stuff!" There is absolutely no malice or evil-ness in that smile.
Now he's SPINNING IN HIS CHAIR.
The Doctor is the type to pace about when he's on the phone. I do that too. Can't sit still, me, I gotta go back and forth when I'm talking to someone on the phone. Personally I think the Doctor's doing it to get away from Martha and Jack because he doesn't want them listening in on his phonesex ...
"Do you remember all those fairy tales about the Toclafane when we were kids?"
You just KNOW that Koschei spent many a night in Theta's bed because Theta had a nightmare about the Toclafane ... and not even in a sketchy way, either, just to comfort the poor kid …
"Because ... I was so scared." Did he mean to say that, or was he gonna say something else? For instance “because I was a coward and thought you were dead so I ran away and now that you're alive can you come over to my place and have mad hot telepathic sex with me?”
"All of them?"
Well, if we fangirls have our way, the Rani is still kicking around SOMEWHERE, as well as Romana, but that's only in our twisted minds …
"What did it feel like, though? Two almighty civilizations burning ... ooooooh, tell me, how did that feel?"
"Stop it!"
Have we touched a nerve, Doctaaaah? (Btw, the way the Master said 'ooooooh' should be outlawed.)
"You must have been like god ..."
The Doctor counters this sultry voice of Chaos by bringing up the 'Lonely God' business. The Master replies:
"Are you asking me out on a date?!"
Which is something a man could never say to another man on a KID'S SHOW in
"No really, you're on Telly! You and your little band. Which by the way, is ticking every demographic box, so, congratulations on that." Then he does this little 'eh-heh-heh' type of a laugh.
Ok, the Master is now STALKING the Doctor via security cameras. I love canon slash.
"Ooo, you public menace!"
*sporfles*
"I said, RUN!"
I almost leapt off the couch and ran 'round the room at that!
Telletubbies:
That annoying woman is still the American newscaster? Good lord, that's three years or something, right? Someone with hair that bad would never last that long in this country, let me tell ya.
Eeeuuh, Telebubbies. Those things scare me. Is that a common phobia? They even scared me when I was a little kid! (This guy at theater used to joke about them, saying that there's always the same number of bunnies on the hill because the-red-one goes off with a spear and returns saying "I have brought food for the horde!" except this guy from theater used a really scary deep snarly voice and ... yeah, you had to be there.)
I'll let it slide because the Master follows up his praise of the Teletubbies by making love to a very lucky glass of whiskey with his very kissable lips.
A-Team Re-Grouping:
"Nice chips."
*giggles* They should sent a postcard to Rose saying 'Wishing you were here to eat chips with us' ... btw, why do Americans call chips 'French Fries?' What do you call potato chips in
What does the Doctor say when Martha asks him "And what is he to you, a colleague or ..."
I know he says "Friend or" but I can't hear the rest. It sounds like 'first' on my end but it could be 'foe' or something really damn slashy, so if anyone knows could you please tell me?
SECRET BROTHER?! DO NOT WANT! I CANNOT DO INCEST! IT IS GROSS GROSS GROSS! DOCTOR/MASTER IS A WONDEROUS PAIRING, NO INCEST PLEASE GOD!
I still wanna live on Gallifry. It's so prettiful ...
"Swore never to interfere, only to watch." Hence the Doctor is a 'renegade.'
Eight year old children were taken from their familes? That's wrong, man.
The little Koschei wasn't that cute. Bad haircut ... nice eyes though ... you know who he reminds me of? The Anointed One.
Hee, Time Lords with funny hats ...
"Oh, the ones who run away. I never stopped."
*huggles the Doctor* But isn’t it more fun racing around the galaxy with human wimmins (and occasionally mens) saving things instead of wearing a funny hat and debating the Loom business?
YAY TORCHWOOD MUSIC IS INVADING!
Jack I'm not sure what you're doing with Torchwood, but I'm sure the Doctor wouldn't be too thrilled about most of it. You kill every alien you run into!
I like Ms. Rook. She's brave and clever and didn't go all weepy on the e-mail. Nice plot-advancement without looking too clunky. *applauds*
Yay for rhythm! Music blocked the Doctor's lover-sense ... and taps that beat into everyone's heads. The episode does the same thing (hardwires the Drums into your head, FOREVER. I tapped it out a lot today ...)
"It's like when you fancy someone and they don't even know you exist."
Martha shares this LOOK with Jack, and he says "You too, huh?" God, is EVERYONE in love with the Doctor? I'm surprised Jack, Martha, and the Master didn't end this episode by simultaneously jumping the Doctor's tiny little bird bones!
The Doctor, Jack, and Martha all stride off into the night. Jack and the Doctor's coats should mate and let me wear their offspring …
The President, Scene 1:
Oh my GOD, not another stereotype ... oh, well, he's ok. Nice president. Too bad he gets ’sploded.
"I think it's down behind the settee. I did have a quick look, I found a pen, a sweet, a bus ticket, and, uh ..."
That is so random and wonderful.
The FACES. Oh my GOD. THE ZIPPING OF THE LIPS. YES YES YES!
"You're trying my patience sir."
He's not trying ours!
"So
"Since
But he’s a fine piece of ass, innit he?
"The last president of
At least it isn't George W. Bush!
Then the Master cackles and says "Hi, guys!" to Martha's terrified mom, dad, and sister. Psychopath. But he's a cute psychopath! Can we keep him? In the TARDIS? Pretty please? We'll take him for walks and feed him and everything!
(Btw, he DOES have a semi-vampire coat, you know. The lining of his jacket is red.)
"Let's say I use this perception filter to come up behind him and break his neck."
Jack, NO. The fangirls would be torn between cheering you on and killing you dead and huggling the Doctor.
"He's a Time Lord, which makes him my responsibility. I'm not here to kill him, I'm here to save him."
And they say this isn't a canon pairing.
Aboard the Valiant:
"Ooh, that thing is rough!"
"I've had worse nights."
What's with the psychedelic lights?
And the place is HUGE, interesting possibilities for 'the year that never was'
"Anything I can do? I could make the tea. Or isn't that American enough? I could make grits. What are grits, anyway?"
*sporfleDIEZ* I resent that, you stereotypical bastard! *sporfles* Still gonna vote Saxon!
"I helped design this place. Every detail."
Kinky ... makes ya wonder what he's got stored away in little compartments ...
That poor TARDIS. I bet the Master made a paradox machine out of her because she ate him ... AND so he could make the Doctor look at her for a year and feel the pain and trauma ... or maybe to hold evil raves, ya never know ... Russell T. Davies never really elaborates on 'the year that never was' does he? I'm gonna imagine whatever the hell I please!
YAY, UNIT caps! (Jack, grab one and mail it to the
Jellybaby ... jellybaby ... oh my GOD ... we love you FOUR! (He, too, had mad chemistry with the Master, so I’m told.)
Why are they called 'jellybabies' in
"I welcome you to the planet Earth, and its associated moon."
*giggles* I dunno why the phrase 'associated moon' gets me but it DOES.
"We like the Mister Master."
"The Master is our friend."
"Where's my Master, pretty please?"
OMG the Toclafane are FANGIRLS! *passes out*
"I'm sorry, I just have this affect, people get obsessed ..."
Ya think? You stole the Doctor's show from him AND NO ONE MINDED!
The Master Totally Takes Over, With the Fangirls' Support:
I wanna know who the people working for the Master are, and how they came to be shadowy black-clad figures wielding handguns and prepared to work for the man who takes over the world. Really. Like the blond woman who was manipulating Martha's mommy, for example. It’d be a good mini-series.
"We meet at last, Doctor! Ohoho, I love saying that!"
We love you Master! *Squees*
"Oh, do excuse me, little bit of personal business, back in a minute."
Ok, he calls his witty banter with the Doctor PERSONAL BUSINESS. PERSONAL BUSINESS. *cough* CANON PAIRING *cough*
"Let him go."
And of course the thugs chuck the Doctor – who was already on his knees – face-first onto the floor. The Doctor spends the next few minutes on his knees in front of the Master, pleading with him. The canon is killing me. I may need to be resuscitated next week!
'
Wouldn't it have been freaky if the Master had said "If only I had the Doctor's biological code" and pulled out the Doctor's daughter?
And THIS would be where the show goes all wrong. They make the Doctor old and gross. No one wants to slash Old!Doctor and Sixth!Master because ... no. Personally I think the Master just made the Doctor look old when they're around peoples, like Jack and the Joneses and the personnel, maybe even Lucy, and when they were in the Master's rooms he'd turn the Doctor back into his usual sexy self and do all kinds of nasty slashy things to him.
Yeah, did I mention that the Doctor's screams of pain as he's forcibly aged make me wanna hide behind the couch and cry?
"Awww, she's a would-be-Doctor!"
I kinda wanted Martha to punch the Master when her family gets dragged in. Really, he's only a few inches away from her, she could've done it ... maybe she was too shocked and overwhelmed to do that but seriously, if I was in that situation I'd so have hit him, sexy slash enabler or not.
