aunt_zelda: (GarlicIsTheAnswer)
Title: Baptism
Rating: NC-17, for sex
Word Count: 2,916 (aprox.)
Characters, Pairings: Linkara, Jaeris, mentions of Maragert and Jaeris’s wife
Disclaimer: I own nothing, only socks.
Warnings: Mention of suicide, threats, depression, extreme vulnerability, degrading talk, mentions of judicial corporeal punishment, mentions of sex toys.
Summary: Linkara goes over to Jaeris’s ship, only to find Jaeris curled up in the fetal position in a breakdown. Linkara tries to help him out.
A/N: Written for this Kink Meme prompt, posted at my journal. Jaeris’s HAIR. My god. That is all.

Read more... )
aunt_zelda: (GarlicIsTheAnswer)

Title: Punishment

Rating: R

Word Count: 1,891

Pairings/Characters: Javert/Valjean sort of

Warnings: D/s, handcuffs, stripping, corporeal punishment, references to flogging, possible NON-CON as a result of one character not knowing the true identity of another character. Un-beta'd.

Spoilers: For about halfway through the Les Miserables 2012 movie.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters herein, nor the 2012 movie, nor … well, much of anything, to be honest.

A/N: So, this has been in my head ever since a couple days after Christmas when I got to see this movie, and started talking on a Javert/Valjean community about the distinct lack of J/V material out there, which is an OUTRAGE, I tell you, and then … well, this happened. I wrote some of it on my epic train ride home from MAGFest. I’m not sure if I’m entirely satisfied with it or not. What the hell did I just write?

Seriously, what the hell did I just write? )

aunt_zelda: (GladiatorSlash)

Title: On the Subject of Thralls

Rating: R for sex, torture, and dubious canon

Word Count: 2,588 

Characters, Pairings: Thor/Tony, Steve, Bruce, hinted Natasha/Clint, mention of Natasha/OFC

Warnings: mentions of torture, allusions to rape, D/s, alcoholism, PTSD, mentions of drug use, also I’m not entirely comfortable writing some of these characters so there might be some glaring errors on my part.

Spoilers: For Iron Man. Kind of.

Summary: AU where Tony was a homeless guy living on the street, with a sign that said “Will Invent For Food.”

A/N: So, I wrote a fill for a quick prompt on comment_fic. Then the story wouldn’t leave me alone and it turned into four drabbles. Because essays due next week can wait, I’ve got Viking porn to write! The prompt kind of ran away from me, and all of the sudden I was writing smut and dream sequences and angst and I don’t even know anymore. The prompt was: Avengers, Tony + or / any, there's a homeless guy on the corner who has a motley collection of tools stuffed in an old leather pouch. He carries a sign that says, "Will Invent For Food."

"Does anyone know why there's a robotic arm attached to the coffeemaker now?" )
aunt_zelda: (Default)

Title: If I Were a Weapon

Author: aunt_zelda

Characters, Pairings: Neal Caffrey/OFC, Peter/El, Neal/Peter, Neal/Peter/El, Mozzie, OMC.

Rating: R, for violence, disturbing content, and sex.

Word Count: 3,792

Warnings: Dub-con, descriptions of serial killings, possessive behavior, obsessive behavior, light bondage, un-beta’d.

Disclaimer: I do not own White Collar, this is made for fan-purposes, I am making no money off of this, etc.

Summary: 6 drabbles for a White Collar AU. Neal is a serial killer instead of a con artist. So is Mozzie. Neal finds lodging with a hybristophiliac instead of June. Otherwise, the story is pretty much the same, except with murders instead of white collar crimes.

A/N: So, I discovered the community [ profile] comment_fic and, while scanning through reposts of prompts, discovered one that just wouldn’t let me go: “White Collar, Neal, he's a serial killer, not a con artist.” So I filled it that night, despite being tired and busy with essays. And then I started to write more, and people wanted more, and god help me but I couldn’t stop writing. So here’s some “drabbles” that ran away and dragged me along for the ride.

6 drabbles of strangeness )

aunt_zelda: (Default)

Title: The Amazing Flash Thompson

Word Count: 5,368 (aprox.)

Rating: R for descriptions of porn, masturbation, and mild violence.

Characters/Pairings: Flash Thompson/Peter Parker, Gwen Stacy, Captain Stacy, the Lizard

Warnings: Departures from canon, clumsy attempts at not writing out a female character, verbose ramblings, and me trying and failing to remember specific lines from the movie. Un-beta’d.

Disclaimer: I do not own Peter Parker, Flash Thompson, Gwen Stacy, or anything Marvel related. I am making no money from this obscure and smutty fanfic. Please do not sue me.

Spoilers: for The Amazing Spider-Man. Go see it, if you haven’t already, silly people, it’s a fantastic movie!

A/N: I just wanted to ship them from their few scenes in the movie. But I also adored Peter and Gwen and ship Peter/Gwen like crazy. I just wanted to write an AU for this pairing, because I don’t think they’ll be getting a lot of attention. Please note that both Peter and Flash in this are 18. I’m not sure if they are in the movie, but for the fic’s sake let’s pretend they’re both 18, ok? Also I suck at titles. And I'm still not 100% sure about posting this, but it's sat on my computer for a few days now and I think I've tweaked all I can without feedback.  

Dedication: to [ profile] tju_tju_tju_tju for shamelessly encouraging me.

What if ... )

aunt_zelda: (Default)

Annoying: Trying to remember the name of that one (tame) yaoi manga you bought via amazon years ago and felt like such a grownup reading secretly late at night and hid behind other books on the shelf so your mother would never, ever find it.

Frustrating: Failing to remember the name of that manga, and the manga that was being advertised in the back that you'd really like to buy now, please, if only you could remember the title.

Inspired: Remembering that the manga is under a pile of books in your room back home, and thinking about calling up your mom so she can tell you the title.


Embarrassing: Googling "Cowboy Indian Yaoi Manga" and sorting through dozens of non-helpful links. 

The Lesson: Don't leave your not really porn at all, honestly, it's pretty pathetic to be honest, there is much better stuff online, you WRITE much better stuff online, but the pictures are so pretty porn at home. Even if you think it'd be more embarrassing for your roommate to see it on your shelf, or a visiting friend seeing it. TAKE ALL THE DIRTY BOOKS WITH YOU TO COLLEGE. YOU DID WITH "A BEGINNGER'S GUIDE TO S&M" YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE THAT WITH THE SILLY YAOI MANGA TOO!

Why am I looking for yaoi manga now? I need to shower and sleep! 
Oh right, aforementioned roommate is awake doing late homework and listening to loud music. That's why you're putting off sleep. Time for shower and sleep: she'll get quiet or move to the hallway then. It's late enough to justify that.

aunt_zelda: (Default)
Title: The Present
Rating: R – NC-17, depending on how you squint
Word Count: 1,620
Pairings/Characters: ATG/Critic, allusions to emeriin
Disclaimer: I own nothing and nobody. Find these guys at, but don’t expect anything like this to go down.
Warnings: Edgeplay – specifically cutting with a knife, dubcon, incest, threatened castration, degrading talk, playing with the fourth-wall, unsafe autoerotic asphyxiation. Un-beta'd. 
Summary: Guy knows it’s somebody’s birthday; the Critic isn’t happen about being “the present.”
A/N: Happy birthday, emeriin! You are, and continue to be, one of the best people I’ve met on the internet. One of these days I’m going to make it across the pond and meet you “for real.” For now, I hope you enjoy this strange, disturbing, strange fanfic I wrote for you.  
Happy birthday to you ...  )

aunt_zelda: (Default)
 This is a dreadful play full of assholes. But the HoYay makes it all worth it. 

In rehearsal I keep shipping the characters. Antonio/Bassanio goes without saying, everybody in the cast has been joking about that from the start. But today I was thinking about Antonio/Bassanio/Portia because in that final scene Portia is all "Sir, grieve not you; you are welcome notwithstanding" to Antonio so I started to think about them having a wicked hot threesome and sharing Bassanio - who would not believe his luck, being the meat in that sandwich, and then Antonio/Bassanio/Gratiano came to mind (because you know Gratiano would want to try everything at least once, and that includes a threesome with his friend and his friend's sugar daddy) after some joking among the cast about how Portia threatens to deny Bassanio sex FOREVER and the guy playing Lorenzo said "well, there's always Antonio" and the guy playing Gratiano yelled something like "come on, Bassanio, let's leave these women and go have fun!" and everybody laughed so much, and Bassanio/Portia/Nerissa maybe because Portia and Nerissa so have a Thing and they would love to mess with Bassanio even more than they already did.

And I can't help shipping Antonio/Shylock. (Not in even production, obviously, but there are ways one could interpret certain lines and actions.) Their FoeYay would be so disastrous, oh gods. I ship it pre, during, and post play. Especially post play, when Shylock has lost EVERYTHING and Antonio lost his boytoy but has lots of moneys, and Shylock has that thing about knives ...

Yeah, I should probably go to sleep now, shouldn't I? I've had some crazy days, and they're only gonna get busier.
aunt_zelda: (Default)
 Title: More Mighty Than He Seems
Rating: PG-13 for sexual
Word Count: 745
Characters: Lord Vyce, mentions of Linkara and Liz and Linksano
Disclaimer: I own nothing, find the episodes at and Linkara’s blog, etc.
Warnings: Spoilers for the Vyce showdown. Me trying to justify a glorious FoeYay relationship by any means necessary.
Summary: Vyce muses on Linkara, the showdown, the Champions, and his chair.
A/N: This would not leave me alone. This will probably be the last time I’ll get to write fic for … a while. I think I messed up the tenses. God, I’m so tired …
The title comes from a quote from Henry V, one of my Top 5 Shakespeare Plays. It’s from Act II, sc. iv, and says “’tis best to weigh / The enemy more mighty than he seems.” I thought it was appropriate. Have I mentioned I suck at titles? Because I do.

All that I see, I conquer. )
aunt_zelda: (Default)

Title: Night Owls

Rating: PG … then again, the MPAA is kinda homophobic, so PG-13

Word Count: 279 (aprox.)

Pairing: Mike Ellis/Doug Walker

Disclaimer: I mean no offence towards Mr. Ellis or Mr. Walker and have only the upmost respect for both men. I am making no money, blah blah blah, please do not file a lawsuit against me, blah blah blah, find their website HERE, etc.

Warnings: blatant RPS, attempts at domestic!fluff, weirdness

A/N: So, how ’bout that RPS? I am aware that this fic is long, long, LONG overdue, but I believe I can chalk the delay up to nerves, general business, and Shakespeare. I’m not sure how to feel about this fic, it’s strange and I wrote most of it months ago … *shrugs* Tell me what you think, loyal readers!

Read if you dare ... )


aunt_zelda: (Default)
It's the Phineas and Ferb one. Shocking, I know, but just WATCH the thing and try and avoid squeeing like a little kid at ... well, Christmastime. The music numbers were awesome (as always, with this show) there were like five different CMOH, and the slash was REALLY slashy.

"Mom, Phineas and Ferb are making a Christmas special!"

Doof ties up Perry with Christmas lights during the course of the episode. I think I read a fanfic like that once ... no, wait, I WROTE a fanfic like that once!

Hee. Baljeet wants a kiss for Christmas. "I'm outta here," grumbles Buford. "Not from you!" Baljeet shrieks. "From a pretty girl! Don't flatter yourself!" Those two are climbing in the 'Most FoeYay Couple of the Show' and this is against a Dr. Insano type and a Linkara expy!

"Curse my intensely burning apathy towards Christmas!" HEE! ILU Dr. Doof!

"YES! I hate Christmas! This is the best Christmas EVER!" Awwww, Doof ... *huggles him*

Santa is a badass!

During the end-credits montage of everyone giving gifts to each other (and invoking all kinds of tropes along the way) my little cynical fangirl heart grew three sizes. *SQUEE*
aunt_zelda: (Default)

I know what I said and promised. Mike Ellis/Doug Walker fluff is on the way, really, I’ve even started writing it! I just really missed writing fic and this kinky thing leapt out at me.

I’m not sure if I like that this is my ‘100th Fanfiction’ but it is what it is, and hey, it’s for the fandom I created!

(Look for the Mike Ellis/Doug Walker in the coming week, and the Leverage/Firefly drabbles before New Year’s.)

Title: I Was Frozen Today

Rating: R for kinky sex (re: ice-play.)

Word Count: 1,602 (aprox.)

Pairings, Characters: Spoony, Dr. Insano, mentions of others.

Disclaimer: I do not own anyone in this fic, they are real people and personas who can be found HERE and HERE. I am making no money and mean no offence towards any of the persons contained herein, especially not Spoony.

Warnings: You will never look at the phrase ‘I was frozen today!’ the same way again. *cackles madly* Also, never written this particular kink before (though I did do some rather sketchy internet research) so please bear with me.

A/N: For once in my life, I’m proud of the title I thought up for my fic. I have no idea why, after the veritable smorgasbord of slashy material the Charity Drive provided us with, I focused on one teensy little detail towards the end that only involved one man and some ice. *shrugs* What can I say, I’m a strange woman …

Honey I'm home, and I had a hard day ... )

aunt_zelda: (Default)

Title: The Dread Pirate Roberts


Rating: R, for scenes of a sexual nature, and violence (but not at once)

Word Count: 3, 435

Characters: 4th Dread Pirate Roberts, Westley, the Cook of the Revenge, mentions of Buttercup.

Disclaimer: The Princess Bride was written by William Goldman S. Morgenstern. I intend no offence towards the Florinese satirist, or that nice man who made the movie. Certain lines of dialogue are taken from the book itself, namely, pages 184-187. But mostly it’s just me, and my insane brain, as per usual. 

Warnings: My attempts to find the Dread Pirate Roberts’s voice. My attempts to describe sea voyages and storms, neither of which I’ve thought about since my pirate phase (that never really wore off, but still) when I was 12. Me trying to screw with the grand ultimate ‘twu luv’ pairing.

Spoilers: If you haven’t read the book or seen the movie (in which case, INCONCIEVABLE! How could anyone have not at least seen the movie?!) You should probably skip this.

A/N: What exactly do we call this pairing? Wesix? Festley? I don’t know, just like I don’t know why there is no fanfiction of these two out there in the world wide web. It’s ridiculous: they’re so slashy! They’re like the darker cousin pairing to Sebastian/Antonio!

So, yeah, I just had to write this. I’ve been meaning to for a long time.

I promise I’ll produce something more mainstream next time.

Read more ... )


aunt_zelda: (Default)

Title: Heroes Pie-Wich, Part 3: Every Gal in Constantinople

Fandoms: Pushing Daisies and Heroes

Rating: PG-13 for sexual situations and a swear word

Word Count: 3,570 (aprox.)

Pairings: Ned/Chuck, Elle/Claire, Olive/Claire, Olive/Chuck, more

Characters: Ned, Chuck, Claire Bennet, Olive Snook, HRG, surprise guest star, mentions of many, many others.

Disclaimers/Spoilers: I only wish that I’d come up with the idea for Pushing Daisies, and I only wish that I could control Heroes. Sadly, I own neither, so please do not sue me, devote your time instead to sending ‘Save Pushing Daisies!’ letters to ABC or whoever will listen to our plight. I also don’t own the band The Might Be Giants. I also don’t own the company ‘Myrtle’s Herbals,’ which is a real thing but too perfect to not use. Spoilers for S2 of Heroes and S1 of Pushing Daisies.

Warnings: Me, writing femslash. Het love. A lack of m/m love. Bad Jim Dale impersonations. Dogs with plans. Murder poorly executed attempts at suspense.

A/N: Claire is 18 in this. Nothing illegal going on here … except for the fact that I didn’t manage to drag Mohinder and Sylar Gabriel in this chapter, and that this is TWO DAYS LATER than I promised *cries* I am so, so sorry, guys. And, room for sequels though there might be, I’ve got so much on my plate this spring that honestly, as much fun as this has been, don’t hold your breath. Skim the previouslies if you’ve read them already, and please enjoy!

Dedicated To: [ profile] yaoi_anti_drug , who sadly had no time to write this and speculated about it with me instead. – Part 1 – Part 2




We're the Mesopotamians! Sargon, Hammurabi, Ashurbanipal, and Gilgamesh … )


aunt_zelda: (Default)

Title: Heroes Pie-Wich, Part 1: The New Dead-Girl

Fandoms: Pushing Daisies and Heroes

Rating: PG-13, methinks

Word Count: 2,451 (aprox.)

Pairings: Ned/Chuck, Olive/Claire, more as the series goes on

Characters: Ned, Chuck, Claire Bennet, Olive Snook, Emerson Cod, Digby, Mr. Muggles, and Sandra Bennet.

Disclaimer/Spoilers: I only wish that I’d come up with the idea for Pushing Daisies, and I only wish that I could control Heroes. Sadly, I own neither, so please do not sue me, devote your time instead to sending ‘Save Pushing Daisies!’ letters to ABC or whoever will listen to our plight. I also don’t own the band The Might Be Giants. Spoilers for S2 of Heroes and S1 of Pushing Daisies.

Warnings: Femslash. Het love. Bad Jim Dale impersonations. Dogs with plans. Murder.

A/N: This is my first Pushing Daisies fic (well, unless you count that House/Wilson fic where they went to meet Wilson’s aunts Lily and Vivian); I hope I got the general mood right. It’s really hard to write this verse when you can’t color-coordinate the sets and have a hard time sounding like Jim Dale. I split it up into three parts, because it is so long and rather plot-heavy. In this verse, Olive knows about Ned’s ‘gift.’ All the backstory you need is in the previouslies. Enjoy!

Dedicated To: [ profile] yaoi_anti_drug , who sadly had no time to write this and speculated about it with me instead.




*kerslump* Wow, this is FUN ... hopefully I'll have Part 2 up soon ... *tackles the plot when it's back is turned* )


aunt_zelda: (Default)

Title: Kaleidoscope

Rating: R … because I can’t write smut to save my life, but here I go, trying to, AGAIN.

Pairings: 1st Doctor/Jack, 2nd Doctor/Jack, 3rd Doctor/Jack, 4th Doctor/Jack, 5th Doctor/Jack, 6th Doctor/Jack, 7th Doctor/Jack, 8th Doctor/Jack, one-sided 9th Doctor/Jack, 10th Doctor/Jack (Bahahaahha, you weren’t expecting that, were you, PJ-kun?)

Word Count: 3,669 (approximately, I think this is my longest fic ever)

Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who, the BBC does. I am not English, I wish I was. Captain Jack Harkness is God’s Gift to Slashers, and though I do not own him, I do enjoy his antics.

A/N: this is the first, and probably ONLY time that I have written Doctor/Jack. (I don’t count those silly Doctor/Jack/Peter Petrelli stories I wrote last year.) It’s for

[ profile] phoenixjustice’s birthday, which was August 5th, but as I was in The Taming of the Shrew she let me take my time. Smut is not my strong suit, please do not leave mean comments, it took a very VERY long time and I worked VERY hard and yeah, I drop off a lot but that’s just how I roll, blah blah, enjoy if you dare.  


(The idea for Six is shamelessly ganked from this: and this: neither of which I drew.)


(Btw, I just found out that I can’t eat jelly babies because they have gelatin in them. DAMN YOU, sticky cow hoof substance, DAMN YOU!)


Here there be Yeits, jelly babies, and the rambilng obscenities of a sleepy slash authoress ... )

aunt_zelda: (Default)
Yes, that's right, ladies and (gentlemen? Are there any gentlemen in the house? *shrugs*) other lifeforms, I maded a macro! 'Tis rather long, 61 pics, actually. I own none of said pictures, I obtained MOST of them from here and made the macros with 'roflbot' ... I've been chipping away at it for about two weeks, and it's been pretty fun.

It is reccomended that you listen to this whilst watching: (btw I do not own Avenue Q, it belongs to Robert Lopez and Jeff Marx.)

Hopefully this is not made of epic fail, if so, just don't comment. Then I won't make anymore.

Oh, MASSIVE spoilers for Doctor Who Season 4, so if you haven't seen it, don't click! Seriously, MASSIVE spoilers! GIGANTIC! EPIC! SPOILERS OF DOOOOOOOM!

(Edit: finally got the 'lotto' pic uploaded AND for some reason, you no longer have to scroll down! Yahoo!)

aunt_zelda: (Default)
I don't know what we did to displease God or the Goddess or the gods or Satan or whatever, but humidity is EVIL and the promised thunderstorms just rolled off north of us without helping anything down here. Humidity makes you take two shirts to school, in order to change after a hike, but by the time you get on the bus bound for home, your second shirt is sticking to your back. I makes you loose your appetite and guzzle water and groan and moan and stagger about and flap a folding fan despite the fact that you KNOW it makes you sweat more. It makes friends bicker about pointless things, makes That-Guy raise his voice (!!!!!!!), and makes ME a nasty individual to be around. I've said some awful things today that I really regret saying, and all I wanna do is go to SLEEP and dream of David Tennant.
Speaking of DT, since it's so gorram awful out I've been trying not to think about him. Reading slash in the stifling computer lab is also out of the question, particularly since it seems that people have been churning out stuff for a kink!challenge and that ALREADY made my cheeks burn ...
*sigh* There was a funny bit yesterday when I waved my hands around my head to get the bugs away, calling them many foul names in American and mostly English swears. Some of my fellow hikers eyed me nervously.

In my personal opinion, hell (if there is one) is not hot. It is humid.
Have a nice day ... *wishes she were where magnetic North is, which is somewhere in the Hudson Bay, I believe*
*would do a funny dance to amuse the gods if it wasn't so dang HUMID*
aunt_zelda: (Default)

Title: First Kiss

Rating: PG-13, for lotsa kissing. And some mild language.  

Pairings: Theta/Koschei (duh) but also Ushas/Theta and Ushas/Koschei (Ushas is the Gallifreyan-Academy-Fic equivalent of Capt. Jack, methinks.)

Summary: Theta has his first kiss … es.

Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who, Theta Sigma, Koschei, or Ushas. If I did, the world of Who would be very different indeed ...

A/N: Second fic in my Academy series (I guess it’s a series.) They’re not chronological, more like snapshots from the gang’s time at the Academy. I’ll be jumping about a lot. And I know there are no deer on Gallifrey, that’s the TARDIS translating for you! And yes, I know it’s highly unlikely that they had ties but … I … said … so! Yeah … just pretend it’s Hogwarts with Time Lords instead of magic and don’t start nitpicking until I weasel Drax in here …

I think the gang is somewhere around fifteen here, for those of you keeping score at home.

Enjoy! Please leave lots of comments!



First Kiss


For some inexplicable reason it was never HE, Theta Sigma, shoved against the tree ... )


aunt_zelda: (DragonCake)
Seeing as tomorrow is my 1-year LJ Anniversary, I'm going to change my layout for the first time SINCE I signed up. Good lord, how I've changed in a year ... I'm a far-cry from the blushing naive Heroes-fan reading Mylar smut on her breaks! (Now I'm reading Doctor/Master on my breaks, and not blushing nearly so much. Hee hee ...)
Well, thank you to everyone who helped me though that troubling time of vague-Mary-Sues and guided me through lj-cuts and all that jazz. Thanks to all the people who said my work was wonderful (it took a while to get decent, it was nice of you to lie.)

So, anyhoodle, like this time last year, I'm inexplicably running that  literary magazine AGAIN. This will mean tears, forsaken lunch-breaks, and afternoons spent resisting the urge to kick the copier. I will have precious little time to finish my class projects and tidy up for the end of the year, much less read, write, and post slash. I apologize in advance for this, I have NOT forgotten you lot, I just won't have much time to 'talk.'
So that's why I'm changing the layout today, and posting fics today and tomorrow, because I want to get some stuff out there to keep you guys occupied until I 'return.'

(Oh yeah, Old Who? FANTASTIC stuff!)


aunt_zelda: (Default)

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