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A meeting with my boss I was super stress about turned into a “my goal is to have you hired full time by the end of the year” meeting.

So that’s a year’s worth of work and stress and panic attacks and anxiety and improvement and projects ... all worth it. After a year of working, I’m close to full-time, at an industry job I really enjoy, which I’m incredibly lucky and fortunate to have.

AND I just got my Yuletide assignment and it’s one of the ones I REALLY hoped I’d get matched on.

Like I’ve spent the last week looking through people’s letters and the fandoms I offered and reading the prompts and ideas and omg omg omg I AM SO EXCITED! : DDDDDDD
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Hello stranger! Happy Yuletide!

Read more... )

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Eh, I dunno. This wasn’t a bad movie. It wasn’t exactly good though. It should have been much better.

But I recognize that it was very cheap, they obviously had a lot of limitations, and a lot of critics are (unfairly, I would say) comparing it to last year’s Ex Machina.

The cast is great, like omg, I would have watched a whole miniseries tv show about that cast hanging out together. Rose Leslie, Kate Mara, and Anya Taylor-Joy give really great performances in particular. Everyone acts like they’ve been living together for years, and that feels very comfortable and natural, which is difficult when shooting a movie with actors who have mostly never worked together before. The premise is, ok, not original, but it’s an interesting premise. I wanted more, much more, than I got. (Especially in light of the twist ending that I saw coming a mile away, and you will too, but it didn’t annoy me, it just made me wanna see more!) I liked how the art direction was, how I’m gonna see screenshots and gifs of this movie and be able to identify it compared to other films. This was not a hack job or a “eh, whatever, ship it out” movie. There was thought behind it.

The biggest failing I would say is the script. It just needed more. It felt like a very early draft, almost a rough draft honestly, that needed some heavy workshopping and beefing up in sections. More emphasis on specific relationships, maybe showing us a flashback to Helsinki, just ... more.

Gotta say though, I’m a fan of any film where the male characters are by and large pushovers, cardboard cutouts, weak, easily manipulated, and/or the easiest to kill, whereas the female characters are complex, varied, and overall much harder to kill. It’s a nice change of pace from the usual way movies function, especially sci-fi films. Pretty much all the major plot decisions and actions happen because of women. That’s sadly rare in films.
To me, the worst thing a movie can be is boring. This movie was not that.
To me, the second worst thing a movie can be is incomprehensible. This movie was not that.
To me, the third worst thing a movie can be is insulting or offensive, often in lazy or shock-value ways, the barest minimum of effort to create memorable moments in a script. This movie was absolutely not that.
Perhaps I’m more forgiving than most. I wouldn’t recommend this as a theater watch, but for a Redbox, or Netflix one night? I’d say give it a look if you’re interested by the trailer and cast. It’s worth a look.

tl;dr: robots are here, they’re queer(coded), and they can kill. Too bad the script didn’t deliver enough material on that premise.
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 If I marathon Leverage commentary tracks at home and Thrilling Adventure Hour episodes in the car, I can calm myself down even from the worst of my anxiety. It just takes time. 
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I … I marathoned it all tonight.

My roommate and I were gonna watch like, a few episodes while eating my birthday cake, and call it a night. We’re both very tired, me especially.

And we just … kept going. We couldn’t stop. Around the 4th episode we decided we’d just keep going until we finished.


Also like, pretty scary? I’m not good with horror sometimes and this had me hiding behind a pillow and peeking through my fingers. Hell I even screamed really loudly a few times!

The music. The lighting. The ACTORS. The direction. The writing.

Also, D&D. Gotta love seeing that on tv and done well.

I cried. I laughed. I screamed. I panicked. I cheered.

I was having a not so good time today, feeling pretty down this week. This marathon was JUST what I needed.
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(repost from tumblr)

I’m gonna rant about this later, but I’ve been talking (ranting) with my roommate for like a solid hour after we saw the movie, and you know what I’m really stuck on right now?

The plot is that Rick Flag’s dick almost destroys the world. 

The emotional investment we’re supposed to have in the movie? The movie’s plot?

Whether Rick Flag can keep sticking his dick in a specific woman or not.

That’s it. That’s the plot. That’s the driving emotional force in this movie. That’s the overarching plot of this trainwreck mess poorly writtenscreenwriting 101 failure film: Rick Flag is having fun with this lady … oh no, he has to stop having sex with her! … Will he ever be able to have sex with her again? … Looks like he can’t anymore, oh no! … Yay, he can keep having sex with this woman after all!” That’s the story arc. 

I refuse to believe that the question of “will Harley get back together with her abuser?” is supposed to be the emotional investment in this film. I refuse to believe that. As bad as this movie was (and oh boy was it bad) I refuse to believe that was supposed to be our emotional investment.

The plot is that Rick Flag’s dick almost destroys the world. 

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I'm very disappointed about the Suicide Squad movie.

I feel insulted.

What I feel most insulted about is the very basic flaws to this film on a technical level. Terrible sound design, bad editing, inconsistent pacing, a total lack of character arcs, screenwriting 101 failures, and a complete lack of coherence. It really is as bad as the critics have told you.

This movie was just plain bad. Messy, badly written, the pacing was off. The cast was by and large pretty damn good (except for whatever the fuck Leto was doing, I'll get to that later) but they were given crap to work with and not shot well at all.

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I just got back from seeing it and I am SO STOKED. It’s SO GOOD, PEOPLE!

8/10, hell maybe 9/10 to be honest. I enjoyed myself the whole way through. I left the theater smiling.

My few criticisms are minor at best, mostly to do with things I wish they’d been able to do and realize that they were probably hampered by time and budget constraints.

See this movie, please, if you have any time whatsoever. Preferably this weekend. Bring friends, family, anyone. See it next weekend too if you can.

The cameos are cute, the music was great, the design was FANTASTIC, the cast was FANTASTIC, and hell, it was even a little scary at times! Comedy, good action, great teamwork, and the power of female friendship. You could do a helluva a lot worse this summer.

P.S. Where do I get in line to propose to Kate McKinnon. I swooned, audibly, in the theater, several times.
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 I’m rewatching the first season with my roommate, as it’s been a while since Season 1 and we wanna watch Season 2 with all the characters fresh in our minds, and we haven’t been watching much tv together lately. Though the show has problems, it does a lot of great stuff too. We keep pausing to geek out over the cinematography, being former film students. We also keep pausing to talk about the really great character scenes and discuss how well crafted many of the interactions are. And pausing to go “auuuugh he’s so awful!” mostly about the Cricket Minister, because fuck that guy.

I keep screaming “stop being so attractive you motherfucker!” at Mahesh Jadu’s character, since this being a rewatch I know he plans to betray the Khan and he’s actually super evil. He’s also the most attractive man on the show and this causes me great anguish. My roommate, a heterosexual man, finds this amusing. 

Hard to say who our favorites are. I lean more towards Mei Lin and Chabi than I think my roommate does. But like, the whole cast is pretty great. My roommate and I both swoon over Khutulun. I wish we had more from the Dowager Empress. I know the cast is huge and the scope is vast, but I wanted more from her. 

I keep arguing with my roommate about whether the sex scenes are gratuitous or not. Overall, most of them are rather restrained, compared to most cable shows. You often don’t see people entirely naked, they’re covered with sheets or shadows or their partner’s body. But then they throw in like, all the concubines flailing around and I just roll my eyes. 

The portrayal of disability in this show is something that troubles me a lot. Hundred Eyes beating Marco up every episode is fun to watch, but the “blind badass” is such an overused and tired cliche, and his abilities verge on magical and ridiculous at times. 

Marco’s presence is annoying most of the time. I do find his journey from unwilling captive/guest to loyal subject fascinating though. At the start of the show he’s trying to run away, at the end, he’s willing to lay down his life for the Khan. As annoying as his presence can be, I am interested in his character’s journey. 

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You'd think four years of film school would give me like, an edge in understanding the more artistic sort of films.

This appears to not be the case.

I just saw The Neon Demon and I feel like an elaborate joke was played upon me by Nicolas Winding Refn. I feel like he tricked me into watching his weird personal pornography collection.

Four years of film school and I can't tell if a movie is just too "experimental" for me to understand, I just don't personally like it, or it's a "bad" movie.

The music was great though. And the lighting.
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 I just realized something.

One of the character types I really like is that like, that one bad guy. Who is just. so. excited. To fight the lead. 

This is somewhat, but not exactly, related to the “many have failed, but it is I who shall kill the Batman!” type of bad guy, who is a random bad guy somehow convinced that though hundreds before have failed, they are the man for the job. Often happens to mooks in video games, who after a certain point really should be running away from you instead. 

But there’s that bad guy type, who is so stoked, so delighted, to fight the lead. They’ve been waiting for this. They might even know they’re gonna die/get defeated, but hey, they’ll have had this fight

Examples would be: Batroc from Captain America: Winter Soldier, Daud from Dishonored, and Faith in the season 3 finale of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Somewhat related tropes would be: The Only One Allowed to Defeat YouLeave Him To MeLet’s Fight Like GentlemenBlood KnightWorthy Opponent


Jun. 22nd, 2016 09:52 pm
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Being a recent college grad is so strange.

Sometimes I have the cynicism of a 35 yr old.

Sometimes I legit forget I'm not 16 anymore.

I've been out of college for over a year now, and it still feels weird. I spent most of the first 21 years of my life in some form of education or another, in schedules not set by myself mostly. 

I forget sometimes I'm not a child anymore. Sometimes I FEEL like a child, usually around large crowds of older adults. I try to be an adult and feel like a fraud. It's so weird. 
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Late to the party I know, but I picked up the Season 3 DVD set at Target for super cheap and now I’m listening to the commentaries.

I’m only two commentaries in and they’re SO GREAT.

First one had Bryan Fuller and Gillian Anderson discussing slash fiction. Gillian said she needed to do more research, and said “I work with these guys, I need to know what they look like taking it up the ass!” And also like, interesting analysis of the characters and their implications.

Second one had Hugh Dancy talking about getting so used to being drenched in blood all the time, and Bryan saying “Working on this show must have been like working in a fetish club in Berlin for three years. ‘We’re going to dunk you in ze fluids and maybe you get an Emmy nomination, ok?’”

“Hey Will, there’s your boyfriend!” oh my gods.

They mention many influences, including Tarsem Singh’s The Fall, which made me squee because good lord, that movie.

Note to self though, not a good idea to listen to these commentaries right before bed. I learned every year that watching episodes right before bed,

Too Hot

Jun. 19th, 2016 07:38 pm
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It’s so hot in LA I’m starting to fantasize about Captain Cold shooting me with his freeze ray. 

I don’t even have an ice kink.

Or at least, I didn’t have one yesterday. 

Maybe I have one now.

It’s too hot.

I’m not built for this heat.

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So my mom called me this morning. We talked about other things, but the conversation turned to Orlando. We'd both been very worried yesterday morning because, see, my dad lives in Florida now. Not in Orlando, but close. Even though I knew he didn't go clubbing anymore, because of the alcohol and his age, I was afraid yesterday. I was afraid for him, for his new boyfriend I haven't met yet, for their friends. They're fine, they were nowhere near Orlando, but still, there was that awful moment where I didn't know. So many people had that moment where they didn't know about their loved ones, and too many people had moments where they did know.

I am sick of these moments. I was in Boston during the Marathon bombings, I had friends at the finish line watching the race. A bunch of girls from my college were hit by falling glass and went to the hospital. One of my best friends was in the subway when it happened and we couldn't get in touch with him for a while. I am sick of these moments. 

My mom heard on the radio this morning about the mother of one of the victims, who'd been texting him that night, and right before he was murdered. And my mom started crying and telling me she loves me.

I don't think my mom has ever been afraid for me before because of my sexuality. She's been afraid for me because I'm a woman, I went to college, I went to college in a big city, I walked at night, I rode the subway, I drove myself cross-country twice alone, and now I live in LA and go a lot of places alone. She's afraid for me a lot. But I don't think she's ever been afraid for me because I'm bi. I think it's easy for her to forget I am, because I've only had two relationships so far and both have been with men, and I don't go to bars.

I hate that this has made her fear for me in a whole new way. I hate this. I'm sick of these moments and I'm sick of being afraid. I'm sick of this never changing, no matter if it's kids or people in a church or college students or people in a movie theater, I'm sick of this never changing. 
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Title: They All Forget I Had A Choice, You Know
Rating: NC-17 for sex
Word Count: 7,263 (approx.)
Series: The Denny’s Court Universe
Pairings: Father Suede/Benzaie
Characters: Father Suede, Benzaie, Ask That Guy, Critic, Little Miss Gamer, Santa Christ, background demons.
Warnings: Sexual harassment, highly questionable and very explicit sex, vague religious implications I don’t fully explore.
Summary: Dragged down to Hell, Father Suede faces the greatest test of his Faith yet.
Continuation: Takes place directly after Persephone II
A/N: Wow, it’s finally finished. This fic has been … almost three years in the making? Really? Time flies. Pieces of this were written when I was still in college, then abandoned, then reworked, and now, after far too long, this is finally complete. There’s been a lot of build up, especially if you’ve frequented the community chats over the past few years, you’ve heard bits and pieces. The timeline is a bit of a mess, but this should fit into the DCU continuity pretty well. I very much hope that this has been worth the wait. Big thanks to ladydiskette and butterflyslinky for their patience, beta-reading, and pushing me to keep working on this fic.

Read more... )
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Good news is I did really well at my job!

Bad news is I have spent the past three days working nearly the entire day, as in, 8-12 hours, two of those days stressing as well, and feel completely and utterly drained. Considering I began the week confident I could finish two fanfics I’ve been promising to finish for some time, and then was swamped and drowned in my job commitments, that is not so good. 

I’m gonna recharge and watch tv. Then work on fanfics this weekend. 

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So first my roommate reading out an article from a bitter Hillary supporter full of inaccuracies, and then dramatically reading out the rebuttal comments - many of which were from grandpas - in accents and describing their profile pictures to me in such a way that we were both laughing so hard we were on the floor (it was so funny omg, hopefully she will record that later this week.) Highlights include people with photos of dogs or flowers as their profile pics, grandpas with guitars, an old man dressed in Revolutionary Era garb, a shirtless man, and a man "who is so old, his photo is sepia with him and his son." They used words like "claptrap" and "craven" and "meander round" and "drivel" and it was amazing. Old outraged sass is the best thing in the world. Reading the responses from people who'd been campaigning against the establishment for 30+ years was frankly inspiring.

Then we went to my other roommate's room to tell HIM about that, and laughing about some of the more lurid comments turned into talking politics. That lead to speculation about the ethical dilemma of stopping dangerous presidents from becoming president, and the ethics of time travel to prevent crimes, Minority Report esque prevention of crimes, etc. That lead to discussions of time travel and if we could go back and change X thing from time would we/should we, that spiraled from stopping monstrosities to changing world events, what if scenarios.

Then we started talking about what if we hadn't entered WWI, and then how things would have changed there.

Things got VERY INTENSE. We spiraled out talking about what wouldn't have happened had we not entered WWI, and all the myriad of global changes resulting from that. Entering WWII late. Us never developing or dropping the bomb. Women's independence not being achieved as soon. The UN not being called that or involving us at all. Us not being named a world protector. Us joining the third world coalition. Us distrusting Canada severely due to its links to England. England dropping the bomb. Us forming closer ties with Central and South America. Us de-segregating faster, but getting women's rights slower. Puerto Rico becoming the 51st state. Guam possibly becoming the 52nd state. I really wish we'd recorded this or taken notes, because it was truly fascinating.  

Then this spiraled into a hypothetical "window of time" into what we'd wanna see, and history mysteries we'd like to have resolved once and for all. 
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Finally saw this film.

It was super good! : DDD

I cannot believe they made it for only 1M

I didn’t realize Barbara Crampton was in it until the end credits and then I felt really ashamed. 

Camera work was so good. 

LOVE that leading lady. 

Adam Wingard + Simon Barrett = AWESOME. I can’t wait for their next project.

That song is stuck in my head now. Which is fine, just like, that’ll be there for a while now.

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Link to 8Tracks: 


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