Jun. 13th, 2016

aunt_zelda: (Default)
So my mom called me this morning. We talked about other things, but the conversation turned to Orlando. We'd both been very worried yesterday morning because, see, my dad lives in Florida now. Not in Orlando, but close. Even though I knew he didn't go clubbing anymore, because of the alcohol and his age, I was afraid yesterday. I was afraid for him, for his new boyfriend I haven't met yet, for their friends. They're fine, they were nowhere near Orlando, but still, there was that awful moment where I didn't know. So many people had that moment where they didn't know about their loved ones, and too many people had moments where they did know.

I am sick of these moments. I was in Boston during the Marathon bombings, I had friends at the finish line watching the race. A bunch of girls from my college were hit by falling glass and went to the hospital. One of my best friends was in the subway when it happened and we couldn't get in touch with him for a while. I am sick of these moments. 

My mom heard on the radio this morning about the mother of one of the victims, who'd been texting him that night, and right before he was murdered. And my mom started crying and telling me she loves me.

I don't think my mom has ever been afraid for me before because of my sexuality. She's been afraid for me because I'm a woman, I went to college, I went to college in a big city, I walked at night, I rode the subway, I drove myself cross-country twice alone, and now I live in LA and go a lot of places alone. She's afraid for me a lot. But I don't think she's ever been afraid for me because I'm bi. I think it's easy for her to forget I am, because I've only had two relationships so far and both have been with men, and I don't go to bars.

I hate that this has made her fear for me in a whole new way. I hate this. I'm sick of these moments and I'm sick of being afraid. I'm sick of this never changing, no matter if it's kids or people in a church or college students or people in a movie theater, I'm sick of this never changing. 

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aunt_zelda

May 2017

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